Together
by ISmile4BTR
Summary: (was Open up your eyes and heart) Once after a very long time when the high-school famous teenage boys Kendall and James were not afraid from their feelings for each other anymore and found their happiness together, they didn't know how cruel life would be to them. They always hoped they could make it through everything though, together, always together.
1. Chapter 1 You can't deny the obvious

**A/N: Hey, there! This is my first Kames fiction and I'm so glad I could start to publish it finally:) First of all you all have to know that I'm grateful for every minute of the time what you spend with reading this story and I'd appreciate some feedback because this is the first time I'm writing something like this...so you know, right?**

**To talk about the story I wanna tell you guys that at some point my writing can be confusing because it's kinda a -let's-jump-into-the-middle-of-the-things- thing and I'm gonna tell you guys later the previous things what had happened with the guys slowly how we are going forward with the plot. I hope it's okay for you guys.**

**The first chapter is mostly James central, the second one is going to be Kendall central, I hope that is also good for you guys. So nothing more to say, maybe one thing in advance: Big Time Rush is never gonna exist in this fiction...**

**Enjoy! :) and give me reviews please!**

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Chapter 1 – You can't deny the obvious

He just couldn't get over him. It was insane, unbearable that he had a crush on the other most popular guy in school. The other one, besides his self, and he was straight. He was all over into girls; it was obvious that he was not gay. He wished he only could change that.

Because there was James Diamond, deep inside he already knew that he liked guys too. He just knew it since he first caught himself staring at Kendall, the knight of his dreams as he later named him when his mind wandered on the blonde all over again.

It was the first day of their junior year and he was staring at him again, he imagined him in different situations, beginning with hand holding, cuddling, kissing, continuing it with making out in bed and a lot more other things what he didn't want to think again being scared that he would get a boner in the middle of the hallway of their school as he was watching Kendall Knight laughing hard in the company of his best friends and some bitchy girls who were around only to get more popularity.

Last time when they had seen each other it was in the hockey camp during their summer break. The camp had ended like two weeks ago, since then James hadn't gotten to see his Kendall and he had missed the view so fucking much.

James and Kendall were different and yet they had some things in common, it got crystal clear on the first week when James came to town half and a year ago and the two young teenagers met.

The biggest difference what made James a lot heart pain was the fact that there was no chance that Kendall was gay. And James even if he kept his sexuality in secret in front of everyone, except his best friend Logan, he was sure that he didn't care about girls that much since he was into Kendall.

The common in them was that they both were in the school's hockey team, they were the best players, they got along well on the ice because they knew that if they want to do their best they have to play as a team but anyway they weren't friends at all.

Both of them had lot friends, fake and a few true ones, actually every guy wanted to be like them and every girl wanted to get into their pants. There were even a few guys who openly admitted that they liked them.

James before he noticed he liked Kendall, he didn't even think of dating guys. Whenever a guy asked him if he had any chance he turned them down, saying he wasn't into those things but soon when he realized Kendall caused him some special thing he had never experienced if he looked at a guy, he would have loved to say yes to a few guys who were good looking or kind because he wanted to try the new thing out. But then he was scared then everyone would know how he was plus maybe he would lose his chance with the man of his dreams, with Kendall.

So he kept denying the any kind of offers for dates, with guys and girls too. He barely went out, he felt uncomfortable every time because he couldn't stop thinking of what it would feel like with Kendall, what Kendall would say if they watched a movie, what Kendall would think if they did something new together, Kendall was in his mind, he couldn't get rid of it.

He thought a few times when he was full of the feeling that he was so into a guy that he should just get over it and date again with girls so then maybe he would realize it wasn't serious at all what he felt for Kendall. But every time he made this decision he changed his mind within minutes. He knew that would be the thing what his mother taught him of to never do, he would deny himself, his own self what he loved.

Yes he loved himself. He loved how he looked like, he loved how he played, even he could sing a bit if he had a mood to do it and yeah he loved that too. And he loved the imaginary of Kendall kissing him, being on top of him and he would lie to himself if he denied that.

But on the other hand, he also loved that he was popular. He was scared if he took any steps towards Kendall or any other guys, he would loose that, so he kept his secret to himself, he loved it in his heart and he hoped that one day he can be fully his own self in front of everyone. He only needed someone who would show him what the most important was all the time, to be ourselves and to don't care about others' opinion.

"What are you thinking of buddy?" Logan snapped him out of his thoughts at his locker.

James turned his gaze off of Kendall who fortunately didn't notice him staring and said, "nothing, just I'm gonna have practice today and I'm tired already, it's morning and I want the day to end so I could go home and lay on bed".

"And imagining the blonde sucking you off"

"Yeah" James sighed not knowing for a moment that he said that out loud, "what? NO" he yelled at Logan and suddenly everyone was staring at them. James quickly gave a look towards Kendall and his buddies and he saw that they were looking at them too.

James swallowed and blushed a bit before dragging Logan out of the building, "told you a million times already that never say things like that".

James didn't want to tell Logan either that he was gay or mostly not that he liked Kendall way too much but Logan found it out.

Once, somewhere at the end of their sophomore year (so it was like 4 or 5 months ago) when James' mom was out of town because of some work stuff he and Logan decided to do a sleepover they hadn't had that in a while. They watched a few movies, midnight passed and soon they began to prepare for bed. As they settled down, both of them on the floor because Logan didn't want to take any of the beds saying it was not his home so James decided to share the floor with his best friend, Logan had began to talk about the following day's event when James and Kendall would have a hockey game.

"So are you excited about playing with him again?" Logan asked.

"With who?" James asked back and pulled the blanket over his body.

"You know, the Knight kid"

"Why would I be excited over him?"

"God James, why do you deny?"

"What?"

"That you like him?"

"I don't, shut up and sleep" James commanded but Logan was too curious in a while then and he didn't let it go. He was determined to find out the truth.

"Okay, then let's forget the Knight kid. But you have to have to admit you like guys"

"Shit, Logan, where do you think that? Wait, don't answer, just shut up, you're speaking of bullshit" James was anxious. It was only a few weeks ago when he noticed that he was too excited if Kendall was around, he was shaking and lost his control, he wanted him to be closer and do things to him, he wanted him to talk to him more if nothing else. And the fact that his best friend figured it so quickly that he liked guys terrified him.

_What if others found out too?_

He shook his head and wanted to fall into sleep but Logan kept pushing him.

"I just know it because I see you are checking out more guys than girls, but it's fine anyway. I don't mind, you're my friend" Logan said.

James sighed, "Logan, please".

Logan didn't give up and an idea lit up in his mind, "I'm going to do something what I'm going to regret but then I can prove you that you like guys too. You can choose, I show you it that way so you can realize if you still didn't do it or you simply admit it and I won't do anything" Logan threatened James but James had no idea what his friend was planning so he just shrugged again, "I do NOT like guys, forget it and sleep", James said and pushed his head into the pillow and turned his back to Logan.

"Okay so either you don't know it yet or you don't want to admit. I don't know why you're so scared when you know I'm your friend, the bestest and would never do anything against you if you admit, mainly that you know that I like guys too"

"Logan shut up" James murmured again.

"A minute and I will, I swear" Logan said and rolled over James so quickly that James didn't have time to realize what was going on. Before he knew Logan was on top of him and pushed him into the floor holding a tight grip on both of his wrists and sitting with his full weigh on his stomach.

"Dude, what the fuck?" James asked, but instead of answer he got Logan's mouth on his.

Logan always wanted to try it, to kiss a guy; because even if he already knew that he was gay he had never kissed any guys yet till then. It was the same with James but he would have never done something like this with his best friend, but since Logan was fully on his body he couldn't protest against it and they got deeper into the session.

It wasn't only a simple kiss, they both curled their tongues with one another and they both loved the feeling.

At a point Logan backed away and laid next to James then pulled the blanket over his body and tried to ignore the boner he just got by the heated kiss he shared with his best friend.

James was speechless and literally was shaking. He imagined it so many times already since those three weeks he figured he might was gay because of his fantasies about Kendall but he had never thought to kiss a guy could be this good, ever.

"How'd that feel?" Logan asked as they both were staring towards the ceiling even though none of them saw a thing because it was total darkness in the room.

James tried to find coherent words in the deepest corners of his mind to express how it did feel but with that he remembered the moments again when his tongue played along with Logan's and it got him excited again.

"How many minutes passed since then?" James asked.

Logan wondered for a few seconds, "maybe five?"

"I'm still hard because of that, what does that say?"

"That you're totally gay" Logan answered and turned on his other side so he was with his back to James, "I'm gonna prove the other thing at another time if you won't admit it soon, good night".

"Night" James turned away again and fell into a deep trail of thoughts.

_If I ever said I might be gay, now I'm definitely saying that I'm gay. No doubt. Oh my god, Logan, you have no idea what you have started. Now I'm gonna imagine that Kendall is kissing me like this._

And he really did continued thinking for about a half hour and it didn't help him into sleep. Instead he was wide awake and for the first time since he realized he liked Kendall, he felt the urge to rush out to the bathroom and jack off on the picture in his mind as Kendall was giving him a mind blowing kiss as Logan did a few ago.

James got up quickly and went downstairs to be as far as it was possible from Logan; he didn't want him to hear if he moaned or whatsoever, shut the door and grabbed his hard member out of his pajama bottoms. He stroked himself first with slow then with fastening movements and let out loud groans and moans as his orgasm built up in his stomach. As he came he moaned out Kendall's name and let out a sigh in relief. He washed his hand and pulled up his pants, then walked back to the bedroom.

Then he fell into a deep sleep, dreamt of Kendall of course and he had no idea that Logan was wide awake as he self and heard him moaning Kendall's name through the entire house.

Since then Logan knew that James was into guys and also he knew that he liked Kendall but he had never told James where he knew it, he just had given him hints that he shouldn't have hid it because he had already knew.

"I'm sorry dude" Logan said as they reached out, "but I'm still so curious what the hell happened in the summer camp, you still didn't tell me".

"I told you already that I don't tell anything because there isn't something to tell, got it? Nothing"

"Okay whatever" Logan saw that he wouldn't be able to pull a word out of his friend, "anyway you didn't really look like listening to me whatever I said and I wanted you to hear clearly what I was about to tell you".

"Hah congrats, now I'm listening, what is this big thing you want me to hear no matter what?"

"I'm going on a date with Camille"

"Camille?" James raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I know it's unbelievable but yet it's true"

"And how this happened?"

"Well, she was kind of pissed because some idiot stole her place in the park lot and I let her to park onto mine. She smiled and I smiled back and then she said I was cute and she would drink something with me if I took her somewhere on Friday"

"I still don't get why it does make you so excited when you don't like girls"

"Shh!" Logan punched James chest with his fist, "she asked me and if I deny her, the most popular girl at school then everyone would know that I'm gay".

"You trying to convince me to admit something what isn't even true and then here are you and you don't want people to know the truth of you"

"Yeah but you and me are not the same. I admitted you that I like guys because you're my best friend but I don't want others to know it yet. You don't even admit it to me that you like Kendall, so just shut up about that shit"

"Yeah okay sorry. But it's going to be rough if she is gonna like you and then you have to dump her. It will be worse" James pointed to the fact.

"Shit" Logan ran his fingers through his hair, "I will make sure that she won't like me"

"That's not a good idea again"

"Why?"

"Oh my god, who is the genius of the two of us?" James asked sarcastically, "then she is gonna spread the word that you're a looser".

"Then maybe I turn back to straight for her"

"Why you turned into gay at first place?"

"Carlos" Logan sighed and as the words left his mouth Kendall and his group walked out and there was Carlos, Kendall's best friend.

"Your Latino Romeo is here, look" James teased and ignored Kendall as much as he could.

"Yeah, just like yours, you ass"

"Shut up" James poked Logan's stomach.

"At least I don't deny that I like Carlos"

"Yeah you don't deny it in front of me but anyone else" James said again.

Logan just waved his hand, "Whatever, I'm your best friend; you should just admit that you're into this Kendall dick"

"Don't call him like that" James said as they went back to the school when it was only ten minutes left till their first class.

"Oh I don't know why I shouldn't call him like that. I'm pretty sure he has a dick and I'm also pretty sure you want to know how it tastes" Logan continued.

"Since when you are talking like that?"

"Since hormones?" Logan winked.

"I don't care what his thing is like and you should stop bugging me, okay?"

"Never" Logan laughed, "Till you won't admit it, you can't deny the obvious, Diamond" and with that his best friend left him on the hallway and made his way to his class. James turned on his heels and headed to his place.

As he walked through the hallway then turned in at a corner he bumped into someone, he stepped back and chuckled realizing who he was.

_Kendall Knight, you always there where you shouldn't have. Fucking Logan made me think of things again._

James felt his cheeks getting red as his jeans got tighter the thought of tasting Kendall before and now when he was in front of him, the vision got more real and he felt like he would die there in shame.

His luck was that Kendall didn't give a fuck at James and walked away.

"Where were you?" Carlos asked when Kendall took his seat next to his best friend.

"What?" Kendall asked confused thinking of James.

"You said you would go out to the restroom, what took this long?"

"I took long because there were a lot guy in the restroom, I needed to wait" Kendall explained.

"Okay" Carlos said.

The class was about to start when the teacher came in. But it wasn't their teacher, it was some strange who was teaching an other class.

"Young men and ladies, I'm sorry but from now on the two junior classes are going to be united because there were a lot student leaving last year and you guys fit into one class" he said and with that motioned to the students in the door.

They flooded in and everyone stared at them. They weren't strangers of course; they were friends of each other so everyone found their place except James.

_Oh fuck you stupid school. Why this class? Why just next to Kendall Knight? Why?_

There was only one seat free behind Kendall and Carlos. Carlos immediately raised his hand up and waved to James, "James, come here".

James got his strength and took his seat. There was a sweet girl, Jo, sitting next to him. He had never talked to her because she was in Kendall's group but he assumed she could be a nice girl because she immediately smiled at him when he lowered on his chair.

"Hey"

"Hey" James said. He was nervous as hell. It wasn't his territory, it was Kendall's. Here everyone was Kendall's friend, didn't matter the class just came in was James', now that the two groups got mixed everyone seemed like leaning towards Kendall and his buddies instead of James.

James didn't mind it though. Sometimes he secretly wished he wouldn't be that famous so he shouldn't have done everything as perfect as people expected it from him, from James Diamond the great, sexy hockey player. Sometimes he only wanted to be a guy as every other guy, and then things would be easier. But on the other hand he loved that he was popular and he didn't want to lose it.

Carlos turned towards them too, "hi James. How are you doing?"

"I'm great thanks, you?" he asked. They sometimes talked after hockey practices when James tried get out of the locking room as soon as it was possible, so he had to spend less time around Kendall, and Carlos usually was there waiting for his friend, so they'd got to talk a few times.

"Thanks, same here. Excited for the first game in a week?"

"Yeah" James said awkwardly.

Kendall then suddenly joined, "what is it Diamond? Why are you acting so weird? You feel uncomfortable in my territory?"

"How I see our territories just got mixed. It isn't only yours anymore" James said straight against those green pair of gorgeous eyes.

"Whatever you say Diamond. I'm gonna keep an eye on you" Kendall pointed a finger at him.

James chuckled, "that's not your eye, that's your finger. You should learn some biology" James teased.

"You have started to get under my skin, you know? Watch out or my fist along with my fingers is going to meet with your pretty face". As Kendall spoke James secretly wished he would get under of Kendall's skin in some ways.

Carlos punched Kendall as he spoke, "what? Look at him and see what he is doing"

"What am I doing Knight?"

"You are fucking bugging me and flirting with my girlfriend" Kendall pointed at Jo.

"Kendall, I just said Hey, since then Carlos was talking and you started the entire thing anyway" Jo protested.

"Whatever, how I said, I will keep an eye on you Diamond" and with that Kendall turned back towards the teacher who was still settling some paperwork at his desk so the entire class was doing a quiet talk.

James wanted to think of Kendall's words for a second, _his girlfriend? _But Carlos kept talking and didn't let him to wander away, "Don't pay attention to him" Carlos said, "where is your friend, Logan?"

"Oh, he .. has never took this class, he is putting up more math instead, same credit and more fun to him" James laughed.

"Oh that's cool. I wish I would be that clever"

"Anything is possible" James said.

"Yeah. Don't you know he would be tutoring me if I ask?"

"Oh sure" James laughed, "I mean he loves to help, he will, I'm sure".

"Then are you going to ask him?"

"Nah, you can ask during next period, he is gonna be here with us, I guess" James answered.

"Oh, okay" Carlos said and then the teacher spoke up so everyone shut off their conversations and turned their looks at him.

The class ended within an hour and everyone stormed out to the hallway. James quickly said a goodbye to everyone, even to Kendall but he didn't pay attention to the brunette and then he also headed out.

Carlos and Kendall stayed there in all their own, "what are you doing with James?"

"I don't do anything Carlos" Kendall said when he shoved the last book into his backpack.

"Yeah, anything. You lied that you and Jo are a couple"

"She didn't protest" Kendall guarded himself.

"Yeah because she wants to sleep with you since she's known you"

"I might give her a chance then" Kendall shrugged and headed out.

Carlos didn't know where to put this kind of behaving, "you like the kid, right?", finally he asked when Kendall almost reached the door.

Kendall turned back to his friend, "Diamond? I just like to tease him, that's all", and with that he was out of the class.

Carlos rushed after him. He had a suspicion that Kendall might like James but he wasn't sure. He wasn't sure at all if it was about Kendall. Even though he was his best friend he hid his feelings could be about anybody, Kendall hated to talk about feelings and stuff like that, he thought that was too girly.

But Carlos knew better. He had caught Kendall a few times as he was following James every movement when the other boy didn't pay attention, Kendall was good at sneaking so James would never notice it but Carlos had good eyes for that.

Kendall and James didn't spend time together except it was practice or game but then Kendall kept staring at the brunette. More, once when James was extremely tired after a rough training he stayed for a longer time in the shower then he usually was and since Kendall hadn't came out then yet either, Carlos decided to go in and check what was going on. Everyone else left then already and he saw as he walked in that Kendall was standing in front of the mirror and stared deeply into it. Carlos could hear the water was still running from somewhere, and since the only one who he couldn't see leaving was James he knew it was James under the shower. The only reason that Kendall was staring so deeply into the mirror could be James. Carlos knew Kendall wasn't looking at himself, he never did that for that long, he knew he was good looking and for that reason he didn't spend much time with checking himself in the mirror.

Carlos saw as Kendall bit on his bottom lip and then his hand slid down to his cock which bulged underneath the white towel.

There was enough for Carlos to know that Kendall liked a lot what he was witnessing, whatever it was, and then he decided to disappear before Kendall would notice him.

It was a year ago. A half year after Kendall and James had met in a winter camp, and the following week as the camp ended James came into town, to the same school as Kendall and Carlos and also joined to the hockey team in the school.

At least for a year Kendall liked James and he didn't tell it to Carlos. Carlos everyday wondered if his best friend didn't trust him or he was ashamed or what but he never got to anywhere with the subject. He even thought that it was a random and one time thing. Eventually it was the beginning of their teenage years when they couldn't really control their hormones (not like they could in their 17th-s), so Carlos wasn't sure what to think. He knew it about himself that he often got hard all of a sudden and since Kendall didn't say a word to him he thought maybe he just misunderstood the situation.

But then how the weeks and months and now already a whole year had passed he was surer. Kendall liked James. Now he only should make him admit it or he should get to know if James liked him back.

He noticed that James had never stared Kendall, he was acting normal around any guys or girls, and he seemed straight as much as someone can look like a straight. But on the other hand, Kendall was the same. Kendall could perfectly cover his things in front of people he didn't want to see something, and Carlos thought maybe James had the same talent to do it.

However, he knew Kendall was acting weird and he only wanted him to trust him that much that he would finally admit the truth. Not only to his friend but to his own self too.

When Carlos caught up on Kendall he was already out in a ring of their 'friends'. He saw him with his back towards his eyes and then he noticed something which made him surprised. A pair of arms crossed around his neck, a pair of skinny, pale arms and blonde hair.

_He did it, only to cover his feelings. _Carlos thought as he closed the short distance and saw Jo kissing Kendall.

_The bitch has just now gotten what she wanted and I helped her._ Carlos wanted to curse in his anger. Maybe if he didn't bring the James thing up then Kendall wouldn't be doing that what he was, or maybe he would. Nobody knows now. Nobody knows, ever, if it's about Kendall Knight.

"Then he wanted to punch me" James was painting the situation just a few minutes before happened in the classroom between Kendall and him while he and Logan walked out of the building to catch some fresh air before their next period.

"And you?" Logan asked.

"I just shrugged it off" James answered.

"I bet he likes you too"

"Logan I don't think so. I'm here more than a year plus several months now and we are not even friends, we cannot even talk, see what happened there?"

"But it turned you on, didn't it?" Logan teased along.

"Logan, you should shut it off"

"I told you I won't, ever" Logan laughed as they headed towards a group of people who were gathering around Kendall and Jo as they were kissing.

Both Logan and James stopped with their walk and Logan watched his friend's expression but he couldn't read a thing.

Kendall wasn't single all the time, he had dated a few girls and James had learnt how to deal with situations like that. He knew better that he had to learn it otherwise people would know that he was into him.

So he just shrugged and looked at Logan, "so after Kendall and I finished with bugging each other for today, I figured that Carlos would need some tutoring. I guess he will ask you, be prepared to get to talk to your Romeo".

"Are you okay?" Logan ignored everything what James said about Carlos.

"Why I wouldn't be?"

"Kendall and Jo?" Logan motioned with his head towards the kissing teenagers.

James forced himself looking there again to stretch his limits and to keep up the picture that he had nothing for the blonde, "they look….nice" James said, "did you hear what I said?"

"They look nice, you said"

James laughed, "about Carlos"

"When we talked about him?" Logan asked confused.

"Whatever, you're gonna know it soon" James giggled.

"Yeah uh, okay but really are you okay with that?"

"What should I do huh?" James asked annoyed that Logan couldn't let it go so he could have calmed down and forget the two blonde sucking faces in front of his eyes.

"I don't know"

"Right, then let it go so I can be calmed" James turned away.

"See? It makes you anxious, you cover it really good but James, please admit it to me finally" Logan begged as he followed his best friend to the restroom.

The door shut and they were alone. James threw his backpack onto the floor and leant against a sink. Logan was staring at him, he felt now it's coming out, he saw and he was happy that his friend finally would say it but yet he was angry at himself because he noticed how hard it was for James and he wanted to take everything back so James wouldn't be suffering because he was this pushy.

"Look James, I'm sorry. Don't say anything you don't want. I'm fine with that. I don't want to see you hurt and actually you look hurt right now, because of me, because I did bring it up, sorry, forget it" Logan said.

James sighed, "You already know so it really doesn't matter and you're right, you're my best friend and I should have admitted it long ago but I couldn't. I didn't want anyone to know it so maybe it would go away after a time, but obviously it only has gotten worse, so now it's whatever and it's not your fault that I look like shit. I'm glad that we are alone here so I can look like this when I think of him, I don't have to act that I'm okay when I'm not. If you didn't push it, we wouldn't be here, I were out there and I made myself hurt more with trying to make everyone believe that I'm actually fine with them, that I'm straight and everything, you know. Sometimes it feels good to let myself feel bad and put down the mask, so I can be myself. I usually do it when I'm alone but I know I don't have to, you're here, you would be listening to me, you would understand me and everything. Thanks".

"Wow okay" Logan blinked not really knowing what to say. "I always wanted you to realize that you just should say it out and then we could talk about it, you don't have to act when you're with me, you can say that you don't joke when you say you want him to blow you, because you mean it and you can be upset if you want, I would listen to you. I felt like you don't want me to be a part of this thing and I didn't like it but I didn't want to make pain to you"

"You didn't do, that's what I'm saying. The pain is here and sometimes I need to feel it to know who I am indeed. You keep reminding me and that's good but I feel so fucked up, I shouldn't feel this for him"

"I'm gonna help you"

"In what?"

"Whatever you want me to help in" Logan stepped closer and placed a hand on James' shoulder.

"You remember that kiss?"

"I will never forget my first kiss with a guy" Logan laughed.

"First and only" James giggled.

"Yeah. Uh why did you ask?"

"I was just curious" James said.

"You want me to help you like that? I'd do it if you wanted"

"Nope. Maybe if you weren't into Carlos"

"Okay then. Wanna talk about him?"

"No, not now. We need to go back to class and he is in the same as we are from now on. I need to look normal again"

"Then later" Logan hugged his friend and they both picked up their stuff and left the restroom.

Now Logan officially knew James liked Kendall and it felt good that he finally reached James to be honest with him but yet he was still hurt because he felt like he only made James' situation harder. Before this day James could smile, James needed to smile and pretend he was okay always; he kind of took off his mind if he was with Logan, with his best friend. But now when Logan officially knew it was real and not only some stupid imagination of his weird brain, James wouldn't be able to cover his feelings in front of him anymore, he wouldn't be able to say that he was joking or he wouldn't deny it anymore. Logan knew that from now on James would think of Kendall even more, even when they would only hang out together by the two of them because he knows that Logan would listen to him if he felt like he needs to talk about his Kendall, and with that he probably would feel more pain and it was Logan's fault. At least Logan thought if this happened that way, it would be his fault.

_I'm gonna help you though. No matter what, if I caused the problem with my stupid selfish –I-wanna-know-the-truth-since-we-are-best-friends- thing then I will find a way to make you feel better again._


	2. Chapter 2 Always unsure

**A/N: Hey there! Thank you guys for the reviews, alerts, favorites, for everything, you make me smile. I'm glad you like this fiction.**

**Here's chapter 2, how I promised it's spinning around Kendall... And here I'd like to ask you guys if this length of the chapters is good enough for you guys? Sometimes I maybe will get carried away if I get into it too deeply .. you know how it goes but this kind of length is what I want to keep up at least... around 4000 words.. so it's okay? Tell me please:) Well I hope you like it, I don't know what to say to this, enjoy reading!**

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Chapter 2- Always unsure

She kissed him with so much passion what he had never experienced before but yet it doesn't mean anything special. There were no sparks, trembling, or that mind-blowing feeling he had always looked for every time he kissed a girl.

Kendall always loved kissing, loved to give into it everything what he had and also he expected his partner to do the same. And even if they did, he never felt that it would be enough for him. Something was definitely missing and he couldn't find it however he gave into every each movement of his everything. That's why he had kissed a lot. He hoped once when he wouldn't even expect he would find that something.

But however he tried, almost a week of being Jo's boyfriend wasn't enough to him to find that something. The girl was always pushing him towards the deeper, the more passionate, it was obvious what she had wanted but Kendall didn't want to do it with someone who for he didn't feel anything what was worth to be mentioned.

Yes, Kendall Knight, the biggest face at the school was still virgin but he didn't feel ashamed about it. He had a few girlfriends before Jo, since he was a high-school student and got to be popular girls were lingering on him all the time but he never really forced himself into those kind of situations which would have led him into bed with any of them.

He clearly told the girls when it seemed like they would want to take the next step that he wasn't ready yet and if they don't like it the door was open to leave anytime. Of course none of them spread the word that Kendall was still virgin, eventually then they would have gotten into the center of attention, everyone would have been speaking of the girls who weren't enough for Kendall Knight to pull his pants down.

So his virginity was secret but he wouldn't have cared if it wasn't. Actually he was proud of himself that he could keep his fame with his v-card still in his pocket, he was proud of himself that he didn't get popularity with sleeping around.

His best friend, Carlos teased him a few times when they were alone at one of their places but he was only joking. Kendall never took it on his heart, more he loved that his best friend dared to do that with him.

Kendall couldn't do it in a while to Carlos because the short Latino on his 17th birthday, already more than a half year ago, got rid of his virginity. He had slept with Stephanie, one of those girls who were in their class yet in last year but she left Minnesota before the actual semester would have started.

Carlos told him that being with Stephanie was really good, she and Carlos had been a few dates together and since they both liked each other when it came to Carlos' birthday it wasn't question for the girl what she would give as birthday gift. Carlos didn't challenge of course but he would have never asked something like that if the girl wouldn't have offered it.

As much as Kendall knew a few times they had gotten together after their first time but then a few weeks later they split up when they figured that Stephanie should leave in a few months and none of them wanted their relationship to get too serious, otherwise it would have been hard to say good bye.

As Jo pushed Kendall back on the blonde boy's bed he remembered what Carlos told him. He wouldn't have agreed into sex if he didn't like her and if he wasn't that curious as he was. Kendall wondered for a bare second, _should I give in and get through it already? Or should I wait how I've always wanted? Do I want it anyway with a girl?_

Kendall felt his jeans getting tighter but he knew it was only an instinctual movement of his curious body. He actually had never liked Jo that much, she was too pushy and it got proved when during that one week they had been together for, it wasn't the first time that she attacked him when they got home and Kendall's mom wasn't there yet.

Jo had begun to head down on his body and unbuckled his belt, soon Kendall's jeans were opened and she sat on his manhood to tease him. Kendall was grateful for her movements because with that she gave him more time to think, it wasn't late yet, it was never late if he wanted to back off.

But Kendall felt like he didn't want to back off. The whole week had passed and James didn't even give him a single look. It had already driven him crazy. He thought James Diamond didn't like him, he was always so good looking, so confident and never seemed like caring about guys, and he could never catch him staring towards him. Not even when Kendall was with girls all day, James didn't seem jealous.

_Either he is acting so fucking good or he isn't into me as much as I'm into him._

Kendall didn't really know what made him thinking of James that much but he did it and he knew it might means that he was gay. But when James, thanks to Logan, was already sure in his sexuality at least he knew he liked guys too and had started to be friends with the word of gay, Kendall couldn't imagine how it would feel if he said about himself that thing. Sometimes he wondered if he only stared at the brunette only because of the stupid hormones but other times he caught himself getting bored with girls and imagined if it was James there. Didn't matter what he was doing, he wondered how it would feel with a guy, and the only guy who fitted into his imaginary, was James.

Jo was kissing his lips and moved her hips against Kendall's, rubbing his dick hardly through Kendall's opened jeans and the fabric of his briefs, but Kendall didn't care what she was doing, he kept thinking of James.

The entire week had passed and Carlos didn't talk to him again about James, but he wanted someone so badly to talk about his James. In that moment Kendall realized that Carlos didn't really talk to him about anything other either. Though, Kendall knew he screwed it up when he lied to his best friend that he didn't like him, and he knew he screwed it up even more when he agreed to be Jo's boyfriend. He knew Carlos wouldn't push it again but Kendall didn't think that Carlos would be upset about it so much that he wouldn't even get into a chat with his best friend during the rest of the week.

_Why the fuck I didn't tell him? He is my best friend, now he is probably mad at me because I didn't trust him that much. He could help me to figure out what I feel or whatsoever. Shit, I need to make it right._

As this thought had rushed through his mind he pushed Jo off of him and stood up. He pulled on his pants and tried to calm down.

"Jo, please, I don't want it. Go and leave me alone."

"What?" she sat up and set up her hair and her clothes.

"You heard, go."

"Are you breaking up?" she asked scooting closer to the edge of the bed till he reached Kendall who helped her up.

"No. but I don't want sex yet. Just go please. I need to go to Carlos."

"You're fucking gay, aren't you?" she asked all of a sudden showing that inside she really was a bitch and nothing more.

Kendall blinked and let go of her hand, "what? Because I don't want to sleep with you?" Kendall chuckled, a little bit scared of hearing that word being told at him but then a second later he thought, it wouldn't matter, for James it be would worth it. But it still was weird to even think of it because he really had no idea if he was really gay or just undecided which often happens in teen age when you are curious and want to try everything what seems like something new.

That was why he needed to go to Carlos and talk about it, talk about everything, about girls and guys, about their friendship, he didn't want Carlos to be mad at him and he just now noticed that his friend probably was actually mad during the week.

"Because of that and because you're thinking of your friend when I'm sitting on top of you and try to do something with you"

"I'm thinking of him because I kinda made him mad at me and I want to make it right before it would get worse. Anyways you and I are dating for a week. Who the fuck do you think I am that I would sleep with you after this short time, some whore or what?"

"Okay, okay calm down. I didn't mean it like that; I just thought it's me being the wrong one."

"There is nothing wrong with you" he said, _except that you just want to use me._

"Okay then, we are going to do it another time" she kissed her boyfriend and left the house.

Kendall sighed in relief and noted calmed that his excitement had gone away.

_She doesn't do anything to me. I need to know what Carlos thinks about the James thing and then I might break up with her. I don't care what she would do._

Kendall picked up his car keys and phone and headed to Carlos' place.

"Hey" Carlos opened the door when Kendall rang the bell; he stood there awkwardly scratching the back of his neck, "what do you want here this late?"

"Uh, I'm sorry Carlos, were you busy or something?"

"Nope, we are watching a movie with my parents, are you okay though?"

"Yes, I just felt like I need to come over and talk because you are maybe mad at me" Kendall said. Carlos opened the door and stepped back.

"Come on in" he waved and Kendall was inside. He looked over to the living room, "Mr. and Mrs. Garcia."

"Kendall, is there anything wrong?" Mrs. Garcia lifted herself off the couch.

"Nope nothing, I was just bored and thought I could come over. Mom is working and Katie is spending her weekend at dad's place" Kendall explained.

"Oh, all right then. Have fun boys" Mr. Garcia said and with that they both returned to watch the movie.

"Come on" Carlos grabbed Kendall's wrist and led him up to his bedroom.

They took seats on Carlos' bed and both of them stared at their hands in silent for a few moments.

"Look Carlos, I know you were pissed at me when you mentioned that thing about the Diamond kid and I told you to leave me alone with that but I wasn't sure and I still am not sure in anything. I know it wasn't right to run into someone other's arms instead of talking about it with my best friend, and I am sorry for putting Jo forward than you. I just now noticed that we didn't hang out this week, you avoided me and I didn't realize why, I actually couldn't see it because I didn't want to. I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you".

"It's okay Kendall. I tried to not to be pushy because I saw it was uncomfortable and when I saw you have chosen another way I didn't want to force it and accept that you didn't want to tell me, I tried to be as normal as I was before around you, obviously it didn't worked. What made you realize that I wasn't all right?"

"I just, tonight I almost had sex with Jo, don't say anything I didn't do it but I thought for a few seconds it would be great to get over it. But then I noticed it didn't mean anything and I didn't want to do it without feelings, as I have never wanted it before her either. I started to think of James and with that of you, that you thought I liked him. And actually I really do and I felt ashamed because I might have hurt you with not telling it to you"

"Okay. But now you know you should have told, right?" Carlos asked and Kendall nodded.

"Then now you are here because you want to talk. This is what you should do anytime when you need something to clear up, if you're not sure, who could listen to you and tell you something to do if not your best friend? I only wanted to help because obviously you didn't want to admit it, now I know it was only because you're kind of scared, right?"

"Y—yes" Kendall stuttered, "but I'm sorry, I know I need you, I need something to figure out if I really feel like this or these are only hormones doing it to me. I mustn't hide it, instead I should discover it, discover everything what keeps me excited."

"Great. First let me know why you think you like James?"

"I don't know I just can't look at him like I look at other guys, not as I look at you, or any other guys in the team, he is something else, you know? I only wish we could go along well, sometimes we could talk but that never really happens. We stay in silent around each other or we begin to tease."

"You know why this is working this way?"

"Because of me. I know. But it feels right to tease him. I just want him to talk to me, other way he wouldn't even look at me."

"You don't know that."

"I know Carlos. I stare at him so much and he never stares back. He doesn't care if I'm alone or if I'm with girls, he just walks by and doesn't look at me. No way that he would like guys, that he'd like me."

"Maybe he is doing the staring thing secretly as you do" Carlos chuckled remembering the scene a year ago in the shower.

"What do you mean by that?" Kendall asked raising his eyebrows.

"I mean, I noticed you are keeping an eye on him when you think he would never look at you because he is busy with other things. That's why I assumed you'd like him. He might does the same, either of us notices it but if from now we keep an eye open, who knows?"

"I don't know. Maybe i should just forget it. It's not a big deal, is it? I mean other guys do the same, it's strange and we all wonder how it would feel, don't you?"

"I don't know Kendall. But you are doing it for at least a year now. Actually nobody notices it because you hide it very well, but I'm your best friend, I can see through you and I can say it already is a big deal, if it wasn't you would have stopped and forgotten about him."

"A year?"

"I saw you in the shower a year ago palming yourself while James was in the shower."

Kendall's face turned into a breezy shade of red, "how long were you there?"

"Just for a few seconds, till I realized what's going on, why?"

Kendall cleared his throat, "well, James was with his back of course so he didn't see me but I got excited from the sight in the mirror and now I know that you saw that too, oh my god and then I felt the urge to jack off, it hurt so badly and I went into the nearest closet and did it and tried to be quiet as much as I could."

"When I left you were still staring into the mirror. You think James heard you?"

"No, I was in the farther corner so he couldn't plus I finished quickly and left before he got out of the shower"

"Yeah I remember that you came out first. Whatever, so since then or even longer?"

"When this thing happened I already had started to look at him other way a few weeks before but that was the first time that I actually got into that awkward situation."

"Okay. So more than a year ago."

"Yeah, actually in summer hockey camp before school started last year, but whatever. Do you think I'm gay then?"

"Kendall, I don't know, you self said that it might be only a little excitement over the new things but the fact that it has taken this long, you might like guys too but it's okay. Nothing is wrong with that."

"You think?"

"Absolutely" Carlos nodded.

"What should I do with this?"

"If you want to get close to James then you should try to be nice to him and sometimes to talk to him or whatsoever and then you could see how it feels, you know."

"Okay. I'm gonna try" Kendall said and laid on his back on his friend's bed.

Carlos settled next to him and they both stared at the ceiling, "what happened at the hockey camp? You guys have been in three camps together already and whenever you came home you never told me other thing that it was fun."

Kendall laughed, "nothing had happened Carlos. He was there and I were there too, we played and didn't really talk."

"But something happened. You still keep it in secret but it's okay" Carlos rolled his eyes.

Kendall sighed, "really nothing had happened, believe me."

"Sorry dude, but I can't. I know you too well. At least promise me that once you'll tell it."

"Okay, I will but it really is not a big thing."

"Okay, whatever you say Kendall."

With that they had fallen into a deep silence again.

"Anyway you really never wondered how it would be with another guy?" Kendall asked once.

Carlos laughed, "Everyone does Kendall, maybe they don't admit but everyone does."

"So do you, right?"

"Yes."

"Who is the other guy for you?" Kendall teased even if he saw Carlos felt uncomfortable.

"You won't kick my ass, will you?" Carlos turned to Kendall.

"Nope why would I .. oh gosh, it's me?"

Carlos grinned, "There was a time when it was you, I admit but now it's someone else."

"Okay" Kendall sat up, "before we talk about the other one, tell me what you thought of me doing to you."

"Kendall you have gone insane, no way."

"Come on, it cannot be that dirty."

"No, it really isn't that dirty but yet awkward."

"Please. I want to ask you something and I need to know it."

"Wait" Carlos jumped off the bed, "you want me to kiss you, don't you?"

"Don't be freaked out, it's just a kiss, to both of us to know how it goes" Kendall followed him.

"Kendall this gay thing has gone to your mind."

"Okay then just tell me what you thought of me."

Carlos sat on the floor and after a sigh he had began, "it has started in our freshman year, I saw you playing on the ice, sweating and stuff and noticed it made me think of things, you know. But I only imagined you holding my hand and getting closer. Then when we had got to be even better friends it had washed away, I didn't want anything, plus there was Stephanie, I totally forgot about my thing for you"

"Aha, okay, let's say I believe you, then what had happened after she was gone?"

"I noticed you staring James. You have been doing that for a while back then but I didn't see it earlier, but then my eyes stopped on Logan how I turned my look over and over to the direction where you were staring."

"Oh how sweet" Kendall giggled.

"Yeah but it's nothing, I mean. I don't think I would ever want him to kiss me, either you; it's so not my thing. I don't think I would be gay. I'm just curious I guess and I love girls, I know for sure after Stephanie."

"You never know Carlos. Till you try it with a guy you never know."

"Kendall stop."

"No, please."

"Stop."

"No" Kendall said and scooted closer to Carlos.

"You won't stop it, will you?"

Kendall shook his head, "come on, it's not like I want to fuck you, just a kiss."

"Hey stop saying things like that, who knows what's going on your mind" Carlos blushed of the thought of Kendall fucking him.

"Seriously, one kiss, to try it" Kendall said again.

"Okay, let's try it out" Carlos sighed and leant in to Kendall.

"Now?" Kendall wondered as their faces got closer.

"No, next year, idiot" Carlos laughed into Kendall's face.

Their lips touched, the kiss was slow, wet and sweet. Something strange to both boys but they didn't seem to want to stop it. They moved together in a perfect sync but either of them dared to take any movement with their hands being scared that they would wander somewhere where they shouldn't have.

Soon Kendall backed off before their tongues could have met.

"So?" Kendall raised an eyebrow.

"What so?" Carlos asked and didn't look at his best friend but stared the door of his room.

Kendall chuckled, "how did it feel for you?"

"It was weird, a good weird though, even if we didn't use tongue job" Carlos explained, "what about you?"

"Now I wonder how it would feel with James."

"So then you like it" Carlos said and lifted himself up. Kendall followed him.

They were standing there in the middle of Carlos' room, "I .. yeah, I did. Then I'm gay, right?"

"Not for sure. It only means that you like to kiss guys, at least me" Carlos laughed.

"Ha-ha, yeah. Uh whatever. Thanks anyway."

"Yeah it's all right" Carlos sat back onto his bed.

Kendall lowered down next to him, "what should I do now? With James."

"I'm still saying that you should try to be his friend and see if this could be serious, even if you figured that he is straight, at least you would know what is going on with you."

"Yes I know. Gonna hurt if things happened like that."

"Otherwise you'd never know if there is a chance."

"Yeah, okay. Thank you Carlitos" they hugged and then laid back on the comforter.

"Wanna stay for the night?"

"If you don't mind. I hate that I'm all alone at home."

"Sure thing bro, I let mom know it so she can give you a pillow and blanket."

"Okay" Kendall nodded and watched Carlos walking out of the room. He still felt the taste of Carlos' lips on his own ones. He had kissed a lot girls already but it felt different, it was way better, with his best friend. He wondered how it would be like with James, with someone who he actually had a crush on, _he has so soft lips, from the outside they look delicious, wish I could go up to him and know how he kisses_.


	3. Chapter 3 Things will work out

**A/N: Hey:) So new chapter here! This is now getting interesting, James and Kendall get into little teases again and you can see how messed up their heads are ... lol for some weird reason I love to write this, and I can say this is just the beginning, Kames is coming really soon:)) **

**Ooops, forgot to say a huge thanks to everyone who reviews, favorites the story or me as an author, also who puts it to alert! I Love you all and I'm so grateful for the love I get:) Keep it up please because it makes me smile if I see your opinions and also it inspires me to do more and better! **

**Here, chapter 3, enjoy! Review? Maybe? haha, thanks, love!**

* * *

Chapter 3 - Things will work out

Kendall walked into the school and as he was heading down on the hallway towards his locker he knew he should pass by James' locker too. He was kind of scared that he would see him but yet he ached from desire to give a single look at the gorgeous brunette for a single moment when he wouldn't notice.

He reached closer, he turned on the corner and there he was setting his hair in front of the mirror what he kept in the door of his locker. Kendall couldn't help but admired him. James always looked so awesome, didn't matter if it was in the morning, at noon or after a tiring practice, he looked perfect, always.

As Kendall got closer and the distance slowly disappeared between them he knew he should stop staring and turn his look away before James would notice but Kendall this time couldn't stop. Not when he somehow figured how it feels to kiss a guy, he just wanted to know how it would be with James.

Kendall stood in front of James and with a quick and sure movement he pushed him against the lockers and held him tight by a hard grip on James' muscular shoulders.

James opened his mouth to talk but he got cut off before he could have even started. Kendall pressed his lips on James' soft ones and massaged them roughly, passionate yet with so much care to make sure that James would enjoy this as much as he, Kendall did.

After several more seconds passing Kendall noticed that James didn't move with him, he didn't kiss back but Kendall felt James palms pressing against his chest and trying to push him away. When he realized what James was about to do, he backed off and stood there still facing with the taller brunette and waited for respond, even if he knew what was about to come.

"You… you freak" James said and rushed away.

Kendall was standing there and watched James running into Jo's arms. They were far away from Kendall but yet Kendall heard the blonde girl saying, "James wasn't a chicken like you and he let me in, he still does whenever I want" and she winked before kissed James deeply and they fell into a rough make out session in front of everyone.

Kendall got his strength and had begun to walk out; soon he realized he was already running. As he reached the door and opened it shining brightness came straight into his eyes making him blind.

That was when he woke up. He panted hardly, he knew it was only a dream when he looked around in the room and saw he was still at Carlos' place.

_I wasn't a chicken you bitch. I just don't want to give my virginity to someone who doesn't even care, who just want to be the one to tell that she could get me._

He stood up, first from the sudden change he got a bit dizzy and fell on Carlos' bed with that his friend groaned. Kendall cursed in himself then tried to get up again and walk out to the bathroom.

It was still dark in the house but he knew it wouldn't take a long time and it would be morning when he and Carlos should get to go to school.

The previous day he was with Carlos and he was glad that they were going well again, it was really better now when his best friend knew about his James-thing, Kendall felt a lot better but still was scared what would come if he went to school again and met James there.

Kendall to take his mind off asked his mom if he could stay over at Carlos for the rest of the weekend too so the two teenagers would be going to school on Monday together from Carlos' house. His mother allowed him to stay there so the young boys played video games and enjoyed Mrs. Garcia's awesome cooking during the entire Sunday. Late in the afternoon they went through their homework and then watched some movies, finally they got into bed and agreed in turning themselves off for the week.

It was the very first time that Kendall had dreamt about James and he was feeling really bad because of this. He thought if he ever dreamed of him, it would be nice and happy ending but instead it was a nightmare. James turned him down, he called him a freak plus that slut Jo also made a fool of him.

He repeated in himself the same sentence what he thought to himself when he woke up a few minutes ago, _I wasn't a chicken you bitch. I just don't want to give my virginity to someone who doesn't even care, who just want to be the one to tell that she could get me. _

Kendall calmed down after washing his face and then he decided to go back to Carlos and to try to sleep a little bit more to be relaxed and to don't screw anything up on the following school day.

* * *

"How are you?" Logan asked James as they walked up to their lockers.

James smiled, "I'm great, slept good. You?"

"Me too. You should have stayed though" Logan said sadly.

James sighed, "Logan, I was tired and you know that mom doesn't like when I'm not sleeping at home if it's school the following day."

James and Logan had spent their weekend together. Logan was determined to take his friend's mind off so they were hanging together around Logan's place till Sunday afternoon came and James had to go home.

"I know but I don't want you to be alone anymore, then you're thinking of him and it hurts you."

"Actually I haven't thought of him today yet till you mentioned" James grinned.

"Shit. Sorry, I fuck up everything lately" Logan apologized.

"Nah it's okay. I know you're trying but you can't get him out of my mind, sooner or later he shows up even if we never talk about him, even if it hurts kinda" James comforted his friend.

"Okay, uh speaking of evil" Logan motioned his head towards the corner of the hallway where Kendall and Carlos had just now came into sight.

"He looks so good" James sighed sadly and yet smiling.

Logan kind of laughed, "good to see that you finally say these things out."

"Yeah, it feels good to me too to talk about him sometimes, you know. He is so gorgeous and I would need someone to tell it because if I keep it inside every now and then I feel like I could explode. Even if it hurts because he is straight as a line, I like him a lot and it feels good."

"Yeah, I'm here. If you feel like daydreaming about him I'm listening, if you feel like don't wanna talk, that's also fine" Logan said patting James' shoulder.

"Thanks Logan" James said and for a bare moment he took his eyes off of Kendall to give a look to his friend but then he couldn't help and he was staring at the blonde again.

He was in a deep conversation with Carlos; nobody else was around the two of them now.

* * *

"That's a stupid dream" Carlos said after Kendall finished off telling his best friend what he witnessed in his dreams at last night. He was aching inside from the pressure which wanted to share with Carlos what he dreamt of since they woke up but yet he kept it back till they left Carlos' place so neither Carlos mom nor his dad would hear them talking about it.

"Maybe and with that it makes me scared. I try to tell myself that it wasn't real, nothing was real about that but it's hard when actually it all can be true. James can be straight and Jo can tell that about me if I don't give in very soon. She isn't like the girls I have been with before. She would tell it to everyone and she would make herself out of it well."

"Kendall, don't worry. Till now you were proud of it and now you seem like you are … uh"

"Yes Carlos say it out, I'm chickening out."

"No it's not that. It's just you're scared a bit that it isn't right when it really is a good thing. Look where you are, remember that everyone is all over you because you are who you are, doesn't matter if you're still haven't gotten through that. You're just now discovering something new and it keeps your mind confused but remember why you're doing what you're doing and then you'll be fine."

"Yeah, thanks Carlitos. Good to have you" he threw a smile to Carlos.

Kendall then pulled out of his locker his books he would need for first period and when he shut the door closed his eyes found James looking into his and Carlos' direction, "Carlos, he was watching us".

"What?" Carlos asked without turning around to not be suspicious.

"Yes, he was, I saw him, looking here with a serious look on his beautiful face" Kendall said.

"Shit Logan, he just caught me staring" James said and rolled his eyes so the eye-contact broke.

"He did? Then it means he was looking at you, James he might really likes you"

"Just because he accidentally looked towards me? No, maybe he was talking about hockey. We are gonna have a match today."

"You never know James. I've been thinking about him, I mean about the things he usually says and how he behaves with you", Logan said but James didn't feel like talking about it now so he shut the subject off.

"Yeah, uh later Logan. Now let's get going, class starts in a few minutes" James said and they made their way to the classroom.

Kendall was watching them leave, he knew after he caught James staring he wouldn't look back at him once again so Kendall dared to admire his crush for several more seconds before he and Logan left his sight.

"They are gone" Kendall said disappointed as he lost James shape between the crowd of students on the hallway.

"We should get going too, class begins soon and please don't look like this, you can see him again on period."

"Yes Carlos I can see him when he is sitting right behind me?"

"Uh, since it's going to be math, I guess Logan is gonna be there too, maybe they are gonna take seats elsewhere."

"Yeah, true", Kendall sighed.

"Plus" Carlos continued, "I don't think he ever would sit next or near to Jo after he saw you two together during the last week. Really, where is she now?"

"She has sent me a text that she would skip school today."

"Why?"

"Dunno but it's better if she isn't around. I'm thinking of not preten…." Kendall didn't finish himself because suddenly a bunch of girls and guys showed up next to them and wished good lucks to the game which Kendall and his team would be playing that afternoon.

Soon when they got out of the huge ring of students Carlos and Kendall stepped in to the classroom and saw that Logan and James were laughing with a few kids around their desks. For Kendall's biggest happiness they took a seat on Kendall's right a few rows ahead than he and Carlos sits usually.

As they passed by Logan and James, neither of them looked at them but continued their chat with the others. A girl was extremely close to James and it bugged Kendall. He couldn't help but he needed James' attention.

_Only a few words to me what I need from you, Diamond._

"Having a girlfriend Diamond?" he asked .

James looked up; deep inside his heart was pumping as crazy as it wanted to jump out, he wondered how the guys around didn't notice his excitement as he heard his name spoken from Kendall's mouth, "see? I don't want yours, I have enough applicants around" James winked at the girl next to him and at a few others who were around at the moment.

"Good. Already thought you aren't straight totally."

"Would that be bothering you Knight? You might want a chance too?" James teased, didn't know how deep he went, the words just came out by themselves.

"It's your business, Diamond" there was again his name, James' heart skipped a beat but he tried to focus on Kendall's words as he continued, "till you keep your hands away from MY girl and from me" Kendall answered getting tired of pretending and wanting to say, _yes I want a fucking chance you fucking tease, you are playing here with me but I will catch you once if we were alone. If I wasn't so scared of you denying me I swear I'd catch you._

"Good for me" James said and finally broke the foggy eye-contact with Kendall and turned his attention back to the girls and guys around him and continued to talk about how they are going to kick the other team's ass tonight. James didn't want to get too excited about talking with Kendall again, he needed to keep up his perfect mask so nobody around would see how much he liked the blonde. Logan saw and understood what his best friend was doing and why he was doing it, he knew why James talked back to Kendall but he kept wondering why Kendall even starts things like this? Logan started to assume there was more into it on Kendall's side too, he had gotten more sure with every word what Kendall had let to slide out of his mouth and he was willing to explain his supposal to James too as soon as they would be alone again.

Kendall and Carlos sat down. Carlos spoke up first, whispering into Kendall's ear, "You're going too far there. You give the words into his mouth, he would never admit it in front of these people, might he is scared as you are."

"I know Carlos; I just didn't know what else to say. I need some words of his from that mouth to me."

"Oh you need something much more from that mouth" Carlos sighed.

"Shut up, anybody can here us."

"Being gay isn't a big thing today."

"No but it is a big thing if the one you like isn't gay."

"Forget that dream finally! You don't know what's up with him."

"Yeah but I know that he has never given a shit about me and Jo during the last week. That means something" Kendall said disappointed.

"Look, maybe he is a good actor. Think of it. How long ago you do like him and yet you can cover it very well. He can do the same. How many times do I have to say it to make you believe?"

"I don't know. I would need to hear it from his mouth. I don't know how he is. I mean I know how I am, I know it's important for me to keep my fame because actually this is the one thing I have got besides you" he smiled at his best friend, "and I'm not sure about this whole thing if it is worth it. The gay thing you know. Just because I kinda like him, I dunno, maybe it's just the tension between the two most popular guys, the tension which is always there when we try to prove that we are better than the other one, you know? I dunno.. I dunno anything but that I want to hear him speaking to me."

"It will work out, you will see. You'll understand it soon, just give it time and when you want to hear his voice don't say things like you said now, it won't help, believe me, he isn't stupid, he knows how to give it back."

"I know, I saw it, I can see it from more than a half and a year."

"Good" Carlos said and before they could go into the topic more the teacher came in and began the class.

After first period the class had gotten a half hour break and almost everyone flooded out to the school yard. As James and Logan walked through the hallways to get out, they were discussing the scene before class.

* * *

"He told me that he thought I wasn't straight" James sighed.

Logan was thinking for a second not knowing if James was disappointed or glad that Kendall had thought that, "is that wrong or right? I mean you think he was joking or gently wanted to let you know that he assumes something? I'm sorry but I cannot decide, your voice is too uninterested", Logan finally just simply asked how his friend felt.

"Well, I dunno. I don't know anything if it's about him."

"I don't know how to explain it. Neither of us knows what he feels, why he does this to you" Logan said.

"Yeah, you know I'd like to go there and ask what he wants but I'm scared if I told him I like him he'd call me some kind of freak or something. I don't care what others think but what we are doing to each other, this little teasing, is good if we cannot be more. Because I only care about what he would say or think, maybe then he wouldn't talk to me ever again, or fired me out of the team or something, I want him at least to tease me sometimes, and then I can hear my name from his mouth, you know."

"Dude, it's so rough. I understand what you say, what you are scared of but what if he thinks the same? I mean if he is also scared as you are? What if he teases you for the same reason why you let him to do it? He is scared if he came up and admitted he might likes you, then you wouldn't talk to him ever again."

"You think that can happen?" James asked hoping for his best friend's honesty.

Logan stopped before they got to the door and would have walked out, "I definitely think it could happen. And since I don't think I ever could stop you thinking of him, the best way for you to get through it if you knew how he feels."

"So I should talk to him, like normal, I want that, I wish we could but he always starts bugging me and I cannot say things I would like to say because too many people are around. He forces me to say things; he doesn't let me to talk to him normal."

"That's true. But today you guys are having a game. Don't try to rush out before Kendall could blink one and might you can talk to him" Logan gave the advice to James.

James opened the door and they walked out to the school yard, "okay. I'm gonna try it for my own good. You will be there if I need you, right? I mean if things didn't happen well and I need someone to cry myself out with."

"Of course I will, James" Logan comforted his friend with a tight squeeze on his shoulder.

* * *

"So Kendall, what are you going to do?" Carlos asked Kendall as they took seats at one of the tables outside and both of them were grateful for the moment because actually no one else was around them again.

"With James? Dunno, yet. I'm not sure he would like me, I mean why he would like me? He really never gave any signs of that plus he seems so straight. Just remember those girls around him an hour ago."

"Yeah, like you aren't in a group of girls almost all the time. It doesn't prove anything" Carlos said pulling up a sandwich and preparing to take a huge bite..

"True, but yet I don't know Carlos. I don't know why he would like me? He barely even looks at me."

"Kendall. Don't wonder if he doesn't look at you. Don't you think of that what if James thinks the same? I mean he wonders why you would like him and feels ashamed to even look at you or he is scared how I said before or what so ever, plus you too have all the girls around."

"Yeah, uh but I'm not sure what to think to be honest. And also it doesn't help that I'm not sure in myself either. I told you it, I dunno anything about myself. These teenage things … ah not my topic. I hate this age, everything is a mess in my mind."

"And in your pants" Carlos laughed.

Kendall giggled, "now why you have to bring that up?"

"Just saying Kendall. Aren't I right?"

Kendall stuck a tongue out, "jerk. Don't talk about THOSE things right now. That's another thing. First here are the heart's things."

"OH you really are such a sweetie when you talk about 'heart things', you know?"

"Carlos shut up and listen to me", Kendall grinned and his best friend nodded, "okay I knock it off."

"So you know lately I'm wondering … the fact that I liked…." Kendall scooted closer to Carlos and lowered his voice so he was whispering, "that I liked when you and me kissed, it doesn't mean that I'm gay. I'm still not sure if the entire thing to get his attention is really worth it, you know?"

"Kendall. You keep saying that but you'll never know what is what worth it really if you're scared to even give it a try. The only way to know if you like him and if he likes you too if you two finally started to talk to each other without bugging the shit out of the other one. Also I think, you and James are similar in a lot ways. Who knows if he is the same scared as you? You should stop doing things like you did an hour ago and then everything or at least almost everything would be clear, you get me?"

"Yes I do, you're right. But I'm scared if my dream came true. And with everything we are talking about it gets obvious that I really am scared."

"To be scared isn't a bad thing Kendall. It's something new. I would be scared too if I were you. But you shouldn't be scared though of talking to him, at least you would know the truth and could get yourself to move on, doesn't matter which team you want to play in finally" Carlos said and then returned to his food.

Kendall fell into a deep trail of thoughts as he saw James walking out of the school's building with Logan.

"Carlos" Kendall spoke up again and literally scared Carlos with his sudden high tone.

Carlos after almost choked by a mouthful of his sandwich looked up, "What?"

Kendall quickly stopped staring James before the brunette would look at him, "what if he really is into guys but he is with this Logan boy?"

"What? Why you think that?"

"Just think of it. They are so together since James came here and they are always so close, there is a continual body contact between them. They hug a lot; they sometimes squeeze each other's hand and stuff."

"Kendall. You and I do the same but not in public because you're so freaked out that someone would think you like guys. They are just good friends I guess. Plus if we are talking about contact, you and I kissed and yet I'm not in love with you and you either with me, right? They are only friends."

"Ahh, these things make me crazy. See? That's why I didn't talk about it. Till there was no one to tell that I like him, no one asked about it and I didn't think of it this much. I didn't really wonder if I'm gay, I just took it like curiosity which would go away soon. Since you said you see that I might like him, it's too real; it confuses the hell in me."

"I'm sorry. I just wanted the good for you. It's better if you see what's going on around yourself or later you'd regret that you didn't notice" Carlos said and felt guilty that he actually made a lot of reason to worry about to his friend.

"No, I didn't mean it like that; don't be mad at me again. I'm just confused. I don't get him."

"It's okay Kendall. Try to get him then, I mean you know…"

"Yes I do know."

The rest of their break spent without more words spoken of James because a bunch of boys and girls came again to hang with them.

James and Logan sat down too and for a while they were talking about some school stuff but James immediately noticed when Kendall got tied down by a lot of students again so he could stare at the blonde being totally sure that he would never look towards him from then.

"You stare at him more and more, you need to catch up after last week when he was with Jo all the time and you didn't dare to look at them, right?" Logan said, "What's going on your pretty head?"

"What? Logan you're talking so weird lately and yes, I've missed watching him for this long" James said and finally he broke his gaze on Kendall.

Logan shook his head, "sorry if I'm giving the wrong signs but I just try to distract you. You are always so careful but you stopped doing that lately. People are going to notice you staring him, just how Kendall caught you this morning."

"I just can't help it okay? I want to know if he likes me too. You said, he might does and it just doesn't let me calm down."

"Okay, look. You seriously need to talk to him more. Come on" Logan grabbed his friend's hand and led him into Kendall's direction.

James gasped for air, panicking a little bit from the thought of him talking to Kendall. Usually Kendall was the one starting their conversations and James was literally scared now. He never was this kind of guy though. He was always opened to talk to everyone but if it was about Kendall, he just got frozen and couldn't form coherent words. At least James thought he wouldn't be able to speak with meaning. The weird what he didn't notice that was when Kendall started to tease him James always went along with it so easily. After Kendall left him alone James felt both relieved and disappointed. He wanted him to stop teasing but yet he wanted to hear his knight's words and enjoy that he could manage some kind of communication with Kendall without special efforts.

Logan was the one seeing how James was acting if Kendall and he started any kind of chatting and here was the perfect moment to tell it to James.

"James, listen to me" he carefully and slowly yet with certain movements led James to Kendall and Carlos' table, "if you guys start to talk it goes easily all the time. I don't care what you say but start to talk to him, it will be fine. Plus remind yourself if he starts it, it always goes into a tease and nothing more. Maybe if you started it, it would be going well and you guys would be able to talk as both of you want."

"Logan I don't think so."

"James" Logan stopped shrugging James' shoulders, "believe me, here I am the one with the higher IQ, now I understand his behaving. The things how we talked about him and how I have been going through all of the things he usually says to you, I get it. Kendall doesn't know what to say to you, but he wants to talk to you, he needs it so he only does what is the easiest to do, tease. And since you never break down by it, more you give it back to him he enjoys it because there is some kind of communication between you two. Just go there and ask him about hockey or whatsoever and you will see he is going to be normal to you. I guess he is only scared as you were at first place when you found out you might like guys. Maybe he just now discovered it not for a long time ago and he doesn't know how to deal with it. Talk to him and you will see it's gonna be easy."

Logan finally could see through Kendall, at least he hoped everything would be the way he hoped it was because if it was then he could relax that he didn't fuck up anything with making James to admit that he liked Kendall.

"Uh Logan, you're speaking too much. I wish it was the way how you think it is" James sighed and when Logan let him go of his grip, he sucked in a deep breath and lifted his foot to continue his way to Kendall.

But he couldn't do like two slow but certain steps when the bell rang warning the students that class would start in a minute. James turned back to Logan, "next time, maybe. But keep those things in your mind. I might will need them again" James grinned and Logan only shook his head.

Neither Kendall nor Carlos notice that James was so close to their table since kids were around them but when they had begun to split up Kendall saw James and Logan standing there.

For a bare second he stuck his gaze at the brunette who was saying something to Logan but then James turned his eyes on Kendall again and the light green and brown pairs of eyes met.

Both Logan and Carlos captured the short happening, Logan was studying Kendall's look to see inside of him more and Carlos was doing the same with James so he could give advices to Kendall if he still wasn't sure enough that the brunette wanted to get closer to him as much as Kendall wanted to get closer to James.


	4. Chapter 4 If things start to work out

**A/N: Hello there! Thank you guys for the nice reviews, alerts, favorites, you know how much it means to me! I wanna ask you guys for forgiveness if I do any mistakes in the story, English is NOT my mother language so I may do mistakes more often than others but I guess everyone understands what I want to tell with the story, right? You can tell me if I do anything wrong, I won't bite, I will take your advice, otherwise how I could get better, right?**

**Anyway how the title says, things start to work out in this chapter, dunno when I can update but I'll try, though I have other things to write on other places and blah blah blah boring stuff you don't care so I let you guys read...sorry for the long note... enjoy the chapter! :)**

* * *

Chapter 4 – If things start to work out

Carlos and Kendall had one more class with James and Logan then the guys separated and everyone had gone for their own periods. James and Logan met again as they finished their last class and they were walking out of the school building, "ready for the game?" Logan asked.

James sighed and looked around to see if Kendall was somewhere near but he couldn't see him, "yes, but I'm nervous."

"James Diamond is never nervous, not even if you have to play with Kendall. Calm down and till the match lasts be your self again" Logan said.

"Yeah, that's easy to say. Now it's much harder to focus. I've been thinking all day if he likes me too and now when we are going to play together I just can't stop doing it."

"You need to get through it. Take it like any other games, James. You're the strongest person I know, you can do it. For your own good, you need to do it."

"Yes, okay, I'm gonna try. Hopefully he never looks at me as he's doing all day and as he always does so I can focus" James said as they walked into the rink.

When the door closed they both could hear that it was loud enough already inside, voices came through the hallways, James knew that Kendall should be there with the other members of the team.

"Logan, am I late?" he asked scared a little bit and picked up a faster pace of his steps as they headed towards the locking rooms.

Logan checked the time on his phone, "no, it's only 3.30. You said you need to be here at 4, you're in time."

"Then why the fuck everyone is here so early? What did I miss?"

"Where should I know?" Logan asked and they reached the changing room. James walked in, "hi guys. Did I miss something?"

"No Diamond. We got a free period and came here to chill a bit earlier" Kendall answered he self surprised that he actually sounded nice. He was even happy too when he noticed a light smile curling on the corner of James' lips.

"Okay" James said, tried to wash off the smile what Kendall's words and his last name being spoken by him again caused to him and threw his bag on a bench.

"Then I'll be on the stand as you guys would come out, good luck" Logan patted James back and the two boys even gave a light smile to each other which wasn't noticed by anybody but Kendall.

His suspicion about Logan and James had just now gotten stronger, _there is something going on? No, Kendall, remember what Carlos said, they are only friends. Carlos gave you the same smile a few minutes ago when he left._

Kendall even if he wanted so badly, refused to stare at James during the entire day because he was scared that James would notice it. He only hoped he can keep it up till the end of the game and then he would try to say something again. He was proud of himself that he actually could tell him a few words without sarcasm or tease and believed he somehow could manage it along but how he witnessed Logan and James' bond, it took away his brave. He tried to remind himself though, _friends, they are good friends. Don't let anything to distract you. You have the same with Carlos. But yet I was all scared that James would be straight and then now what if he isn't but what if he just simply doesn't like me. I don't have a spark of a chance. Which would be worse? To like him knowing he isn't into guys or to like him and knowing he likes guys but not me, others, better ones than me. Prettier, richer, smarter, nicer ones, not like me. Neither of them is good, there isn't such a thing which could be better._

Kendall snapped out by loud laughter as some guys entertained themselves with James and then Kendall shrugged, rolled his eyes and had begun to do the same with other buddies of his. He turned his mind off, he wanted to be as good as he can on the ice. It was his only advantage against Logan. He needed to keep it up and he knew he only can do it if he focuses and does his best, _the bestest best, if that makes sense._

Logan decided to go out to the fresh air till the game would get started, he settled down on a bench and grabbed a sandwich out of his backpack which he thought he would eat till he needs to wait and then if he still had time he would get himself into some of his homework to kill his time.

He was fishing in his bag when someone hopped next to him, he turned into the person's direction and saw Carlos smiling at him, "hi" he said.

"Carlos" Logan said in his girly embarrassment.

"Yes, that's my name" Carlos grinned, "what are you doing here all by yourself?"

"Uh, just trying to fill my time out till the hockey game starts" Logan answered.

Carlos nodded, "yeah, I'm about to do the same. Wanna hang together?"

Logan smiled at himself, "I don't mind it."

"Cool. Uh you know during the last week and yet today too I've been wondering how should I ask something of you" Carlos smiled awkwardly and rubbed his palms against one to the other.

"Yeah? Why didn't you ask? I don't bite" Logan laughed and realized how easily he was going around Carlos.

"I just didn't know how, I kinda feel ashamed about it, you know."

"Just go ahead" Logan encouraged him.

Carlos sighed, "okay, so could you tutor me a few times? I need someone to pump some knowledge into my hard head."

"Of course. I assume it's about math, right?" Logan asked.

"Yeah, where did you know?"

"I just thought. I'm the best in math, people usually ask me to help in that so I figured that's what you need help with."

"Oh Logan, you're so good at everything, not only in math."

"You think so?" Logan grinned satisfied that this cute Carlos thought of him that he was smart.

"Yes, I do. Hope you don't mind."

"Nope, I'm glad" Logan pulled out a sandwich and then another one, "want one?"

"Of course" Carlos laughed and took the food as Logan handed it to him.

"So" Carlos spoke up after an awkward silent fell onto them and they both were already over the half of their sandwiches, "do you think the guys are going to win today?"

"Are you kidding me?" Logan laughed, "With James and Kendall playing together they are unbeatable."

"Yeah, they are really good together. I guess they could get along well in other things too if they really tried" Carlos said.

"You think so too?" Logan asked surprised, seeing that Carlos had the same assuming as he had.

Carlos nodded certainly, "yes, definitely. They are both too idiot to notice it but if they stopped teasing each other and talk like normal they even could be friends."

Both Logan and Carlos hoped that they could be more than friends but neither of the two wanted to spit anything out before getting surety about their friends' feelings for one another. And also they knew if James and Kendall could get to be friends it would take them a step closer to be more than friends. So the plan of the two of Kendall and James being buddies was a nice picture to Logan as well as to Carlos too.

"Wow, yeah. I think the same."

"Great that we agree" Carlos said, "you think we should give them pushes?"

"I think let's see what happens today on the ice and after that. I told James to try to start a conversation by his own self since whenever Kendall has started it, it turned out like teasing and that wouldn't make them to be friends ever."

"Yeah I get that. I told Kendall that he should stop with that and try to talk to James about normal stuff in a normal mode how two young boys would do anyway."

Logan nodded in agreement and even hummed, "Why haven't we talked till now?" Logan asked as they finished their lunch.

Carlos shrugged, 'dunno but it was a big mistake. It's cool to hang with you. I get why James has got to be so good friend of yours."

"Yeah thanks. I see why Kendall loves to be with you too" Logan smiled and they both stood up.

"Maybe if you and I spent more time together, James and Kendall would be doing the same, they actually would be forced, you know" Carlos spoke when they made their way back to the risk along with other students who gathered around the building and had been waiting for the game to get started.

"Yes, that can be the plan B if they can't start something together during or after the game today but I suggested James to focus on the match as he always does and then they can talk if they both want it, it would happen sooner or later anyway. And how I take it from your words, Kendall too wants to be friends with James, right?"

Carlos was thinking for a second if he should tell Logan that actually Kendall had been wondering for a while now if they could be more than friends with James, because Logan seemed like a helping hand and Carlos felt like he can trust in him but then he changed his mind thinking he needs to be sure before saying anything about Kendall's deeper feelings so Logan wouldn't tell them to James and with that they wouldn't confuse their friends even more.

"Yeah, Kendall does want it too just for him it's hard. Even if it seems like he gets friends really easily it is a tough thing for him. He doesn't like to let people too close, he is kind of scared people would judge him or whatsoever, you know? And when it's about a possible new friend, it's hard for him to take a first step. He is scared that he would fuck it up, his confidence flies away like a quick summer plump. But he wants it because it bugs him that they know each other for such a long time and they couldn't get any further not even when they are playing in the same team, now even they are in the same class for several periods, you know. But yet it's not easy to Kendall."

"Uh huh I see that. The same thing annoys James too. And anyway I didn't think that of Kendall. I mean he is popular and seems like really confident when he talks to James."

"Well yeah. His popularity makes it harder, you know? Since James is on the same level of school hierarchy you have to."

"Yes, I do know it."

"So, since people know him and expect things from him, he takes everything hard, every new thing, he is not sure if things he would like to do are good or they aren't and stuff. It keeps him back sometimes."

"He sounds like as complicated as James. They have a lot in common in their personalities."

"Yeah, I kinda noticed it already. Sure they would be good friends of each other" Carlos kept saying it hoping that Logan would take a note he could catch and would know if James wanted more than friendship, "how about James?"

"Oh how I said he is similar. He keeps telling me that he only wants Kendall to stop tease him and be able to talk as you and I are doing it right now, you know? He feels like they could be close friends and it kinda bugs him that he is going well with anyone else but him, even after this long time."

"Hmm, yeah. I see that. You think there is something behind these things wherefore they couldn't get closer?"

"Carlos, I only know about James and I assume you only know about Kendall and we both assume things of the other one, but to be honest, I think there is more to it on both sides. I take it of the way how you push this friendship thing."

"Told you I'm not that smart, if I'm curious I wanna get to the end as soon as it's possible."

"It's okay. But before we give out their personal things we need to try to get them to be friends and see if it works. If it didn't work, any other efforts to get them even closer would be unnecessary. You know?"

"Yes, I know."

"Okay. Let's go and give them a little support before the game starts. They need it" Logan said.

"Yeah that's a good point. It wouldn't be nice if they lost their first game in the season."

"Yes, exactly. See you on the stand Carlos."

With that as they spotted James and Kendall they both dragged their friends a little bit away to talk to them.

* * *

"Is everything okay Logan? Why did you come here?" James asked his friend.

Logan nodded and smiled, "everything is fine. Whatever happens you just focus on the game okay?"

"Why are you telling me that?"

"Just a good advice. How things went in the changing room?"

"As usual. We both ignored each other. I talked to some guys and he did the same with some others. We didn't even look at each other."

"Okay. That's good for now. Neither of you needs any distraction to make you guys loose the game."

"You know something" James giggled.

"I just know those things I've told you before. You need to try to be friends with him and then it would work itself out. But for now forget everything but the ice and play how you have to" Logan patted James' back.

"Okay. Uh thanks! Cheer for me" James winked and walked away to put on his skates.

* * *

"Carlos, good to see you didn't get lost in your lunch" Kendall joked.

"Really funny Kendall, just wanted to say good luck and don't forget what I said about trying to talk to him after the game."

"Yeah, thanks and okay. I try not to forget it. You still think I might have a chance?"

"Definitely, but don't get carried away. Just talk to him, okay? So we can see what's up" Carlos said and Kendall sighed a really big one.

"You know I often get carried away. I'm scared in advance. He maybe doesn't even want to be my friend and maybe I don't even want it either. I mean I like him, I really do and if we were friends it would be worse than if we were nothing to each other but teammates, you know? It'd hurt me to know if he is close to me but not that close as I want him to be."

"You wasn't sure a few hours ago what you feel."

"Yes I know, and I'm still not sure in a few things, eventually I don't know too much about him. How I can like someone who I don't even know?"

"That's why you must get to know him better, that's the way to the point where you can find out if you feel something."

"Okay, true. I gotta go, cheer for me" Kendall said and hugged his best friend. Then he left and picked up his skates. Soon the team was on the ice along with the other school's team and both Carlos and Logan were sitting on the stand next to each other.

Since both James and Kendall had gotten used to the need to cover their feelings the game went by well. Neither of them got snapped out, neither of them was staring at the other one, they were in a complete focus to do their best.

Everything went fine till Kendall had gotten a huge beat and fell against the boards. He couldn't move for a bare moment and the entire team was around him within a second, first of course James. The game had got stopped till they cleared that the other guy hit Kendall with his stick and for that reason the judge displayed him. Of course it started a little fight between the two teams but they stopped when they saw Kendall was still on the ice. James was the one helping Kendall up actually, "are you okay? Can you continue? We still have like eight minutes and we only go by 5 points" James panted.

"Yes, don't care to me, we have the upper edge. I will be good, catch their asses Diamond" Kendall smiled at James. James' heart skipped a beat again, it was already kinda a habit every time he heard his name spoken of the blonde's mouth. James quickly shook his head knowing he needs to focus and nodded, "okay, be strong, almost over."

With that James left Kendall's side and the game had gone along without any difficulties. Kendall ignored the pain a bit below of his ribs, James tried to avoid giving worrying looks at Kendall all over again and thanks to the good teamwork finally they won the match.

Everyone was celebrating, the team left the ice and soon they found themselves in the locking room. After they got some nice words from their Coach and also he took surety of Kendall's good statement he left them alone and everyone headed to take showers and prepared to go home or anywhere they planned to go.

James this time tried to be slow, he felt like he could jump out of his skin from the joy, he had missed so much the games' mood plus he was so glad that he could say something nice to Kendall and he even got a smile for that from the gorgeous green eyed knight of his. He wanted the others to disappear as soon as it would be possible, he wanted to be alone with Kendall, that one single smile made James so happy that he really believed Kendall could like him; they could talk if they both really want it. He reminded himself of Logan's words, that he said James should start a conversation so he could let Kendall know that he was opened to talk as normal guys do instead of non-stop teasing which isn't leading anywhere but grows the distance between them.

James threw his jersey off; he grabbed his towel and headed to the shower. The most of the guys was done already, Kendall was still inside though and it made James a little worried that he wasn't as well as he said to the Coach before.

A few minutes passed and he noticed there was only one shower besides his own where the water was still running and he knew because he always peeked out when somewhere the water shut off, that Kendall still wasn't gone. James wrapped the towel around his waist, stopped the water and headed to the direction of the running water. He got frozen when he saw Kendall standing with his back to him, standing under the shower without taking any movements but rubbing his abdomen and wincing obviously in pain. James turned his head away and stepped into the cover of the shower's wall before he would get hard by the sight and spoke up loudly enough so Kendall could hear him, "Kendall? Are you feeling okay?"

Kendall picked up his head to the voice and immediately turned around to see if James was standing behind him or what. Kendall didn't want James to see that he wasn't all right at all, "yes. I just take a little longer because I got lost in thoughts" Kendall lied.

"Are you sure? Don't you have a serious injury?"

"No, it's fine, really. Just go to your things, Diamond."

"I'm trying to be nice here Knight. Put on a towel and I check you out."

"WHAT?" Kendall asked scared.

"I mean, I wanna see if you really are okay."

"I'm okay Diamond, go away."

"Too bad I won't till I don't get to see you."

"Uhm, you wanna see me huh? What you wanna see?" Kendall shouted through the wall which kept him and James away from each other.

"What you want me to see Knight", James answered, "even if you don't put the towel on, I'm gonna go there now." And James got into moving and was right behind Kendall again. The blonde was just now tying the fabric around his waist, James didn't know if he was disappointed or glad that he won't see Kendall naked again.

Kendall turned around and with that a huge bruise showed up in front of James, "Kendall, oh my god" James rushed up to him and checked Kendall's abdomen from nearer.

"It looks serious, it's already purple and green, why did you say you were okay when it can really badly hurt" James said and gently touched Kendall's bruised skin, Kendall winced and chewed on his lips to keep back the scream which wanted to come out by the pain James' soft touch caused to him.

"Sorry" James said immediately noticing Kendall was in bigger pain thanks to him.

"It's fine" Kendall breathed heavily and with that for the first time James looked up from his stomach and they stared into each other's eyes, "I'm gonna be okay, don't worry."

"Let me decide if I want to worry okay?"

"Nah, seriously, it's okay" Kendall forced.

"No, not okay. Look Kendall, I see you wanna be the big kid and wanna play the invulnerable but if you don't show it to a doctor it's going to be worse."

"Doctors are all idiots. I don't wanna see any of them" Kendall said and remembered that the water was still running behind them so he turned on his heels and shut it off.

"Not all of them, Kendall."

"Yeah, maybe but when once you have a bad experience, you don't want to see any from then."

"You had some bad adventure with a doctor?" James asked.

Kendall looked down to their feet, "kind of, doesn't matter now."

"It does matter. Let me to take you to hospital" James almost begged and his gaze fell on Kendall's bruise again.

Kendall swallowed as a flash of pain ran through in his abdomen by only taking a breath but he shook his head again and pushed James aside, "no."

"Kendall, I see you're in pain."

"Am not" Kendall biting his lip and squeezing his teeth said, "turn around or you'll see me naked."

"You think I haven't seen you yet?"

"What?"

"We are playing in the same team a half and a year ago and you think I haven't got to see your ass yet?"

"OH okay, then" Kendall said and even giggled as he tossed the towel off making every movement of his so sure that James could see more than his ass and reached out for his clothes in his locker.

James really had seen him already with his back but now Kendall was in full sight in front of him and he barely could hold himself back of moaning by the view,_ only this one thing has been missing from my fantasies, oh god help me._

James instead made his way to his locker, threw his towel away and reached out for his own belongings to put on. Since they were with their backs to each other James didn't notice when Kendall turned around and he too enjoyed the view which was shown up in front of his eyes. _You fucking tease. I showed you everything and you are still only with your back to me. _Kendall bit his lip and tried to bend down to pull his jeans on but he cried out in pain as he moved his upper body.

James was only halfway done with his own jeans when he heard the gasping Kendall and rushed back to him. Kendall fell on to the bench in front of the locker and his breathe got heavy, dangerously heavy.

"Calm down" James said and picked up a bottle of water, "drink" he commanded and handed the liquid to Kendall. Kendall took it and drank as much as he could. James watched him laying there only in his underwear.

"What?" Kendall asked when he noticed James was literally staring at him, under his waist.

James, chuckling "I only wonder how you put on your underwear."

"Oh, I tried to be strong. When the jeans came, my strength left me" Kendall answered. Of course his strength left him because after pulling on his briefs he turned around and faced with James' naked back.

"Then I'm gonna help you, if you don't mind. Or I can call in Carlos" James said and rubbed the back of his own neck and his wet hair.

Kendall looked anxiety, "no, please. He won't leave me alone till a doctor doesn't see me."

"I won't either but if you want I can leave you here laying like a piece of wood if you really don't want to see that that you need a doc to check on you."

"I only wish you were the doc" the words slid out of Kendall's mouth.

"What?" James looked confused.

Kendall laughed, "nothing Diamond, just the pain speaks out of me. If you were the doc we could get through it right here and now plus I kind of trust you. If you were the doc it would be fine for me." Kendall explained. He didn't know how the thing of trust came but it was already out and he didn't mind it. Kendall really did trust in James, didn't matter if they weren't friends at all, James always seemed like someone who you can easily put your trust to.

"Okay. Uh thanks, I guess and you know I know something what is similar to that kind of resort, let me help you Kendall" James looked at him puppy eyes.

"Okay Diamond, just uh be careful, it hurts like hell" Kendall said and tried to sit up.

James placed an arm of his own around Kendall's shoulder and helped him up into sitting position. He could feel Kendall's smell, it was amazing to know how Kendall smells, _a new item to my fantasies_. He even smiled in himself. Kendall didn't know how to react, he just hoped he wouldn't get hard by the things happening now, he satisfied noted that it probably wouldn't happen because his body was working on ignoring the pain in his stomach instead of getting excited, but Kendall also noticed that it felt fucking good to be in James' arms. He wished James wouldn't let him go, ever.

As Kendall was sitting James grabbed his jeans and bent down to put Kendall into it, one leg after another and then he started to move it up to his knees, "here, if you stand up, you can pull it on from there" James said and stepped aside for Kendall's shirt.

_Finally I can cover your so perfect chest, I'm gonna miss the sight though._ James sighed and pushed the shirt down around Kendall's neck. He then somehow moved into it by himself, "my shoes please", he said.

"Oh" James bent down again and slipped Kendall's legs into the shoes after the socks were on too.

"Now try to stand up."

"Give me at least a hand, please" Kendall said and held out a hand.

James stepped closer again, after sucking in a heavy breath and instead of taking Kendall's hand, he wrapped his arms around his shoulder again and let Kendall to linger on him as he rose up and with that he lifted Kendall off of the bench.

Kendall stood on his own legs again, "Thanks, you can let me go, I guess" he mumbled quietly against James' shoulders. James yet kept his grip under Kendall's armpits but stepped back, "you can stand?"

"Yes" Kendall nodded and both of them only then realized that they were sharing a long eye-contact again.

James backed away but Kendall was only standing there still staring into James' eyes wondering how beautiful they were now when James was full worried for him. _He is worried for me, for me, for only me_. James heard the light sound when Kendall's jeans hit the floor around his ankles but Kendall didn't. He was so wrapped up in the sight of half naked James in front of him. James' jeans were still undone, Kendall barely though but he could see the brunette's underwear and under the fabric he knew and he even saw a little hump of his manhood too. _Fuck you Diamond, what are you doing to me?_ Kendall noticed his heartbeat getting faster by the thought of being able to move a single one and jumping into James' arms and kissing him passionate for being so amazing and helpful and anyway just being simply James Diamond.

James was in his mind though and he knelt down to settle Kendall's jeans again. Kendall noticed what happened and he only was watching James heading upward on his legs, this time he didn't stop on his knees and the jeans were soon around the waist of Kendall's.

"Here" James said and was about to let the fabric away, so Kendall grabbed it and buttoned in his pants then zipped it up.

"Thanks, James" first time in a long period Kendall called James on his first name.

James smiled, "welcome Kendall. So since I was so nice that I didn't leave you here, come and visit a doctor, okay?"

"I still don't like the idea" Kendall said and wanted to turn around to pack his stuff into his training bag but as he took a half move he cried out in pain again, "fuck" he cursed loudly.

"See? Even if you don't like it, you need it" James said and quickly threw Kendall's belongings into the bag, and then he went to put on his own clothes too.

Meanwhile that Kendall was staring at him and tried to breathe in a smooth rhythm.

As James was ready he stepped next to Kendall, "you think you can walk though?" he asked.

Kendall shook his head and looked down disappointed as he felt so miserable, all his strength left him so easily, "don't think so."

"Fine, hook on me then" James said and again an arm of his landed in Kendall's neck when he threw one of Kendall's over his own and he slowly led Kendall out of the locking room.


	5. Chapter 5 Getting closer

**A/N: Hello! First of all, I'm so sorry for this chapter taking this long to put up but I had my internet down and then the site never lets me to publish.. **

**Secondly thank you all for the amazing love I get from you all, for every single follows, favorites and reviews, it means a lot to me! I love you and you make me smile if you keep up reading! **

**Feel free to tell me your opinions, I won't get mad or anything...**

**Dunno, what I wanted to tell you yet but whatever, here is chapter five, a little bit of the past coming into picture, I'm not sure if it's good enough or if you get what I wanna say.. I hope you like it.. I'm gonna try to make it better though.. **

**Okay, enjoy and review please? :)**

* * *

Chapter 5 – Getting closer

* * *

"Oh my god what the hell happened?" Carlos jumped off the bench on the hallway as the two boy walked out.

Logan and Carlos forgetting about time fell into a deep chat; they enjoyed themselves as they were waiting for their friends to come out.

"Where were you my friend while I was playing on the ice?" Kendall asked sarcastically how they all made their way to the exit.

Carlos chuckled, "I was there Kendall but you seemed okay. Even your Coach said when he left and I came here worried that you're fine." Logan nodded in agreement when the short Latino finished.

James spoke, "yeah, he lied. He is in pain, in a lot pain. I'm gonna take him to dad. Logan do you mind if I can't drive you home today?"

"It's fine James, make sure that Kendall would be okay" Logan said and with that they reached out to the fresh air. Kendall immediately winced in pain because they had to take a few step of stairs and even the thought of him going down scared him.

"Can you do it?" James questioned looking up at Kendall.

Kendall rolled his eyes and shook his head again, "if someone holds me on the other side. Carlos stop flirting with Logan and come here."

"The pain has gone to his brain" Carlos chuckled again and gave a look to Logan who actually laughed.

"What?" Carlos blinked at him after Kendall laid his right arm around his neck and they headed down on the stairs.

"It means that he still has his mind if he jokes. The pain is bad but it still is bearable if he has strength to joke around" Logan explained but secretly wished Carlos really was flirting with him. But he didn't. At least Logan took it like he didn't. They were only talking and laughing together, yeah they changed a few smiles but that wasn't flirting.

"No, Logan. Don't try to explain yourself out" Kendall said hardly fighting with every word as they were going downer, "I can see it, believe me."

"You don't even know me Kendall."

"Oh Logan, I don't have to know you. You can make Carlos smile as nobody does, not even I do, you know? There was like, how many meters since we headed out? Like 50? You guys were smiling all the time, I wonder what was going on while I and James were in the changing room."

Carlos felt the need to stop Kendall, "I wonder too what YOU were doing there with James? Before today you guys barely talked, didn't matter if you have known each other for a half and a year ago and now you seem like the best buddies", he said.

Kendall laughed but then he cried out in pain and they finally were on the ground, "stop for a little bit please" he gave a smile to James before turning to Carlos "jealous much huh Carlitos? You were the one trying to tell me that I should be friends with James, be happy that we kind of friends or whatsoever."

James' eyes got wider as Kendall's words got meaning in his brain, "are we friends now?"

"Kind of, aren't we? You don't want it? I get that if you don't .. I mean .. then why you don't?"

"Kendall, chill, you don't need to get excited. I'm glad actually" James said and returned the blonde's previous smile.

"Cool" Kendall said, "We can go now."

Kendall let Carlos go so he returned next to Logan, "forgive him."

"It's okay Carlos" Logan said.

By the time they reached James' car, Kendall immediately leant against the door and breathed heavily like he just now ran through a marathon.

"I dunno what kept you going in the last ten minutes. You look like shit now" Carlos said.

"Thanks bro, it feels good to hear that" Kendall stuck his tongue out.

Logan of course stepped up, "the adrenaline kept him going Carlos. Plus the worse pain never comes when you get hit, it comes when you sit down and your body has the time to react. After the rush was over and he could take some rest it came over him and now it hurts and it's probably gonna be even worse by tomorrow."

"No, seriously?" Kendall almost cried.

"Haven't you got injured yet, ever?" Logan asked.

Kendall shook his head, "not like this."

"See? That's why I told you I take you to a doc" James said, "try to move away so I can open the door."

"Wait where are we going? What was that stuff about your dad earlier?"

"My dad is a doctor actually, by this time he has to be at home. He was working last night so today he has got to be have a day off, trust me he is really good. You said you trust me, if you really do, here's the time to prove" James helped him to step aside and then opened the passenger's seat's door.

"Yeah okay. I really meant that" Kendall said after a loud moan when he finally hit the seat and felt relieved that he wouldn't move for a few more minutes.

"Okay" James shut the door, "you will be okay then? It's gonna get dark soon" he asked turning to Logan.

"Yes, sure. I will walk home."

"Sure? Maybe we can make a little round and … "

"No, James, take care of him. This is the best time for you to get closer to him, to get to know him, you can see already how much he wants it too" Logan encouraged his friend.

"Okay. See you tomorrow but I guess I will call you to let you know what's up with him, okay?"

"Yeah sure, go. He is in pain."

James almost turned around when Carlos spoke up, "wait James, can you call me too?"

"Uh of course, Kendall has your number I guess, right?"

"Yes."

"Okay, then bye guys, be careful on your ways to home" James waved and walked the car around so he got to the driver side.

"Where do you live?" Carlos asked Logan when James drove off.

"Oh a few streets from here to earth. You?"

"Same. We can go together, you fine with that?"

"Yes of course, let's get going then" Logan said and got into moving.

They walked down on the street leaving the school and they didn't miss a moment to talk, "great that finally they can get along somehow", Carlos said.

Logan sighed, "too bad that Kendall's needed to injure for this to happen."

"True, but he is strong and he will be fine, won't he?" Carlos looked really worried.

"You two really are good friends, right?"

"Yeah and I'm proud of that. Kendall is such an awesome guy, I love him to death."

"Oh what? You and Kendall?"

"Nope, we aren't. It's like love between brothers you know. I should I ask that instead" Carlos chuckled.

Logan gave Carlos a confused look, "dunno what you mean by that."

"OH well, you and James are close too, aren't you? I mean sometimes Kendall … I think he is just too into him and assumes things into little happenings."

"Wait, Kendall is into James?"

"Uh? I shouldn't have said that" Carlos rubbed the back of his neck.

"No, no wait. It's great, since James is into Kendall too but he was freaked out that Kendall looks so straight. I kept telling him that he might isn't sure or he is scared as much he self James is."

"Wow really? I said him the same. Told you that they are so similar. Even their fears are the same" Carlos laughed.

"Hah yeah. I guess from now when they talk and maybe they will spend more time together, they will see that there is nothing to worry about" Logan sighed in joy. He was right about Kendall.

"Yeah. Anyway can I ask how you and James have got to be this great friends?"

"Well, it was kinda giving itself. I admit when I first saw him I thought he was gorgeous" Logan blushed, "and still I think he is, I had a little crush on him from the first moment he walked into the class, you know? He just sat down and was smiling ear to ear, you know he has this attitude that he can get through everything and he always perfectly covers any kind of feelings of his but I noticed he was nervous" Logan started to tell his and James friendship's beginning.

"Hey" James threw an awesome smile to Logan as their teacher pointed to the empty seat next to him and James reached the desk.

"Hi" was Logan's respond and held out a hand, "I'm Logan."

"Great to meet you, I'm James" the taller brunette said as he lowered on the chair. With James' closeness Logan's heartbeat had got faster, he didn't really understand it so he just blushed and tried to start a conversation.

"How it came that you change school in the middle of the year?" he asked.

"Oh" James broke out of his thoughts, "my dad just got a job here at the hospital and we moved here. I was at the same hockey camp in the last two weeks as the kids from here and I loved those two weeks and I thought if I need to change school it can be this one. It's a little bit different though" James said nervously playing with his items on the desk, replacing pencils and pens from one spot to another.

"You play hockey then, it's cool" Logan said and took James' pencils away, "why are you doing it?"

"I'm okay, don't worry."

"I didn't till you didn't warn me. What's wrong?"

"Nothing, really. I just … kinda … " James scooted closer and leant to whisper in Logan's ear, "you know I'm scared that I would screw up something on my first day here."

"Why would you?" Logan whispered back.

James backed away and shrugged, "I always have this feeling when I start something new, you know? And now I definitely start something new here and I'm terrified I couldn't be good enough for my teachers, my parents, for anyone else, you know? Plus I want to try something totally new."

"Well. I can understand if you're scared but don't be. I'm sure with this attitude you'd be getting your fame status to a higher level. You're going to get great friends and you'll be loved here, I'm sure" Logan encouraged James.

James smiled lightly, "Yeah great friends. I have never had a real friend. They kept using me. It's not about getting fame, I mean I love if I'm in the center of attention but huh I'm just scared, okay? Can you let me to be myself and be scared if I want?" James asked a little bit annoyed that he was in that school only for like ten minutes and someone already tried to tell him what to be.

"Chill, dude" Logan sighed, "I'm trying to help, sorry if you think I'm pushy. I just wanted to say this is a great place. I let you to be scared if you want me to."

"Okay, sorry. I'm just really terrified. I don't know what comes to me sometimes."

"It's okay. I understand it. I mean the urge to be perfect in everything you do. My parents expect me to do the same", Logan let out a heavy breath.

James placed a hand on his –seems-like-he-could-be-a-good-friend-very-soon-'s shoulder, "maybe we should try to know each other better. Who knows if you're my first real friend in my life?"

"I'd be honored" Logan laughed, "but I don't play hockey. Instead I do some math exercises."

"Oh that's cool for me. You can help me if I have any problem at least" James said.

Logan nodded, "of course."

Soon their class had started and they both got lost in the teacher's lecture. Logan since then was always there to James if James ever felt like he couldn't accomplish something, James helped Logan to get more confident around people, they had gotten to be really good friends.

"We've started somewhere there" Logan explained to Carlos on their way to home, "James has helped me a lot and I have done the same thing for him. Because whatever he shows towards the world it only is a nice face, a well built larva. His confident is his shelter, sometimes he has broken down really badly but usually he covers everything. I was the first person noticing he had something in his mind on that morning and he appreciated it. Later he told me that people never could figure him out as I can."

"I told you that you have talent in everything" Carlos smiled and as they walked on the street their forearms rubbed against one another, "you're a great friend of his then."

"Yeah thanks. He often says me that. I'm glad that we could come here in a short time like this. I'm glad that somehow I found my brave to talk to him on that day, you know? I don't even know what's leading me when I was always as terrified from new things as he was. You know I guess now I know, now when I recalled this memory again, James with simply being around gives you a piece of his confident. Even if that confident is weak at some point, that is something awesome, he works on it a lot, tries to keep it up to make sure that his heart, his feelings are in safe, and it has a huge power mirroring on him, you know? It's enough him to be right next to you, it's enough for you to look at him and it gives you too the brave, the confident. This is what makes James as amazing as he is."

Carlos sighed and bent his head down, "you are talking about him like you are in … you know the thing I have told you before … Kendall was seeing it but I didn't."

"NO, Carlos. We are just friends, I swear. There is nothing more to it. James has a huge crush on Kendall and I have … whatever, just believe me okay?" Logan asked and he stopped walking in front of a house which Carlos found really nice and expensive.

"You have what?" the Latino asked.

Logan blushed, "I have …. a crush …. on …. on ….", he almost said it out, _I have a crush on you Garcia._ But his mom stepped out of their front door and yelled down to the sidewalk where the two young boys were standing, "Logan, thanks god you're here. I thought something has happened to you. Why do you have a phone if you're keeping it off all the time?"

Logan's mom was overprotective as his son would be still a little baby who she had to take care of. Logan always told himself that it soon would be end but how years passed and Logan had needed more independency it only had got worse.

"Mom, I'm still alive. I'm gonna be inside in a few minutes. I just say good bye" Logan yelled back and with that his mom disappeared. "I'm sorry. My mom is sometimes pathetic."

"It's okay. I guess then you won't finish what you have started about your crush, right?" Carlos asked secretly wishing he would be wrong and yet hoping that he was right because he wasn't sure if he wanted to know who the lucky one was who deserved to be liked by this amazing Logan in front of his eyes.

"Yeah. No, not now. Maybe another time. See you tomorrow Carlos. I'm glad we found each other."

"Yes, same here, Logan. I only wish it would have happened earlier, it was fun with you" Carlos stepped aside, "maybe I should get going, bye."

"Wait" Logan called out.

"Yeah?" Carlos turned his look back.

Logan smiled awkwardly, "can we allow a friendly hug?"

Carlos almost jumped out of his skin but he answered solid, "yes we can." And with that they wrapped their arms around the other one's shoulders and their bodies were in a close connect for a few seconds.

"Good night Logan" Carlos took a last smell of Logan's shirt and backed away.

Logan smiled along, "night, Carlos."

_If Kendall was here, I could tell him how I'm feeling now. _Carlos made his way down on the street and within a few minutes he was at home, the entire way had spent with the imagine of his new friend Logan being closer to him, being more than his friend. _I only wish we could be more._ Carlos sighed as he fell into bed and now he perfectly understood how Kendall could feel for James.

As Logan stepped into his room he immediately searched for his charger so he could activate his phone again in case James would call him and because he thought for a second that he should call him. Of course he was worried for Kendall but mostly he wanted to tell James how great time he just had with Carlos. He had no one to talk to about it and he only wished he could, if James was there. But instead he laid across on his bed and closed his eyes, recalling the feeling when Carlos hugged him. _I could feel his smell. But we only will be friends. He seems … but wait. James thought of Kendall the same thing. He looked so straight and yeah he still does but now I know that he was all into James so he obviously is into guys. Then by that point, it can happen, if we really twist things out, maybe Carlos would like me more one day. I only wish he would._

* * *

"How are you feeling now when you're sitting again?" James asked after a few minutes had passed in silent in his car to their way to his home.

Kendall shrugged, "now it's good. I mean I can breathe. That's why I didn't say a word like for like four minutes ago; I tried to catch up on myself after those killer stairs."

"I figured it can be the reason or that you don't want to talk to me" James said keeping his eyes on the road. It had started to get dark.

"It's not like that. I just don't know what to say you know? Every time I try it turns out teasing and I have already started to feel uncomfortable with that" Kendall admitted.

"Oh, why? I thought you love it when I talk back, I thought you would never stop doing it just to see me giving my answers back."

"Yeah, uh. I just .. I really love it, I don't deny, it's funny sometimes but other times I only wish we could talk like good friends you know about anything, hockey, school, girls."

"Girls" James sighed.

"Yeah uh sorry for what I said today about the girl with you. I just find it weird that here you are all good looking since you have seen this world and with this confident of yours and talent what you have in hockey, I only wonder why are you alone?"

James sucked in a deep breath, "girls are complicated and they don't get me often. I just love to hang out with them but for a short time now, you know since we are teenagers it has got weird, I mean since I'm all good looking how you said, they all want one thing, you know?"

Kendall rolled his eyes, he knew. "Yes I know. So about the girl it's okay. The other thing…you know the g…gay thing" Kendall was still not sure how to let that word out of his mouth.

"That is also fine. I'm not that type to take it on my heart" James smiled at Kendall.

"So you just let people to say those things at you?"

"No, I wouldn't let anyone even if I was and you know I'd try to hide it, I would punch them I guess but you are different. You didn't seem to hurt me or whatsoever so I just shrugged it off."

"I don't get it. I mean why we treat each other how we do when we actually could be best buddies? I mean you're so nice and helpful and everything."

"You didn't seem like wanting to talk to me. We avoided each other and stuff. It was my fault too. I was scared to start something new after how we met in hockey camp. You looked like not caring who I am when I came here and I didn't want to push it. Thought you forget me and didn't like me to be a friend or whatever."

"I didn't forget you James. I just didn't know how to do it at school when everybody knows me and back then nobody knew you but Logan. I saw you with him, you seemed happy and all those things and I didn't want to butt in. Thought you need time to find your place, didn't think it would happen so easily as it eventually have and then when I tried to talk to you it didn't work well. I panicked. You were so good around your new friends and didn't give a fuck at me so I somehow needed to get your attention again, you know?"

"Yes, now I get it. I was a chicken as I am in everything new. I didn't know it either how to deal with you at school and when I saw how popular you were, I was scared to even look at you. When I found my own place which is pretty close and yet so far from yours I was about to get my balls and ask if you still want to hang with me but then you came and it didn't work."

"I know, I screwed it up."

"We both did Kendall. Logan kept telling me to explain why I was so nervous, what was the thing which kept me so excited and yet so scared to step up for but I refused to go to you. Logan always sees through me, he has this talent; he wouldn't get rid of it even if he wanted, and I love that but sometimes it annoys the shit out of me. Seriously he always sees if I have something on mind sometimes I'm grateful for it sometimes I hate it, but actually the fact that you are sitting here and we can talk it means he was right again. I should ALWAYS listen to him", James laughed and stopped the car.

_Logan, again? Why the fuck you bring up Logan when we talk about our relationship? I don't get you Diamond. _Kendall rolled his eyes and due to Logan James already had learnt some of his best friend's sense and could see that Kendall wasn't alright.

"You okay?" James asked and unbuckled his seatbelt, "are you in pain again?"

_Yes fuck you, I'm in pain. I want you to talk but not about Logan, about us._

James had learnt something but he couldn't learn it fully yet so he couldn't take a difference between mental and physical pain, if he saw pain mirroring in someone's eyes. James simply assumed it was his injury which caused Kendall's hurt.

"Yes. I just now realized you stopped so I should get into moving again, right?" Kendall said and it wasn't lie at all. He was in pain again by the thought of getting out of the car's safety and running into some doctor's hands.

"Yes what?" James asked.

"What?" Kendall looked confused. They both giggled and then laughed lightly but with that Kendall cried out in pain again.

"So yes you're in pain and no you're not okay" James said and Kendall nodded biting his lips.

"Okay. I help you out, stay there" James exited the car and ran around to the other side. Opening the door he reached in and locked his arms around Kendall's chest so Kendall hooked onto him and somehow he got out.

The chilly air hit his face which was full of sweat by the efforts he needed to take and by the hotness he felt with James' closeness. _I wish I only knew why I like you this much. Why do you do this to me?_

"You cold?" James asked and made sure that Kendall was able to stand his own legs till he grabbed his jacket out of the backseat and covered Kendall's back with it.

"Thanks James" Kendall smiled again.

"No thanks till you won't get better. Let's go in" James hooked into Kendall's arm and led him towards the house.

"Your dad, isn't he going to be mad that you bring home some random kid?"

"You're not a random kid Kendall, you're my friend. Don't you remember?" they smiled at each other again as the words came out of James' mouth, "plus my dad always helps if someone has any problem, it's his job. He takes patients here every second day of the week anyway and since he last night was at the hospital, he needs to be here right now and even if the shift is ended he still is a doctor and is going to check you."

"Whatever you say. Sounds like you love him" Kendall said.

James shrugged, "doesn't every kid love his dad in some ways?"

"No, I hate mine in every ways" Kendall breathed heavily when they reached the door, "stairs again?"

"Yes, only three, come on" James held him tighter and with hard groans and quiet curses from Kendall they were on the top. James pushed the door open as he spoke again, "why you hate him?"

"Another time I tell you maybe" Kendall said relieved when they stopped walking and James sat him down on a chair in the hall.

"Okay. Wait here I get my dad and then we can get easier to his office", James told Kendall and the blonde nodded. He didn't even think about leaving his spot when he finally could take normal breaths again.

"Here" James was back with a tall brunette man, he was like James in a few years older edition, at least in Kendall's eyes they seemed really similar.

"Okay son, I'm Christopher Diamond, how are you feeling?" he knelt down in front of Kendall.

Kendall sighed, "your son sure told you we had a hockey game today and I got beaten. It didn't seem serious at the first few moments but since I have started to feel it, it has never stopped aching inside."

"Why don't you go to hospital? You might have inside bleeding or broken rib, I can't even do an x-ray here" James' dad said.

"I told you James. It would be better for me to go home" he tried to move and stand up but as he sat straight up the pain hit his stomach again and he groaned loudly.

"NO" James shouted and with his dad's help they pushed him back on his seat, "you stay here."

"Yes, you do and well I can check you and can give you bandage and painkillers but I'd be feeling better if you visit hospital."

"Forget any kind of doctor and hospital" Kendall said fighting with tears because as his voice got higher and his anger grew, the pain got bigger too.

James shook his head saying his dad that no chance that they ever could change Kendall's mind, so Christopher nodded, "okay. James, help me to take him to the office."

They got Kendall on his feet and soon they were at the back of James' house in Mr. Diamond's home examining room. "Try to sit up to the bed" the man commanded, they somehow managed Kendall up to the white sheeted bed, "good, now try to lay down, can you?"

Kendall swallowed knowing it would hurt but he bit hardly on his bottom lip and scooted upper and then placed his back against the cold bed. He groaned continuously till his back hit the sheet then tears came out of his eyes again followed by quiet cursing, again.

James' dad in any other situation would have told Kendall to watch his mouth but then he simply ignored it and searched for rubber gloves and painkiller. James was watching the scene and just now realized how big of a pain Kendall had, he was covering it very good till then but now his face was already wet by the tears escaping his beautiful green eyes.

"Okay. Let's see what's up here" Mr. Diamond lifted up Kendall's shirt and the huge bruise got into view under his ribs through his entire abdomen. "James if you ever come home like this I don't know what I'm gonna do with the kid who hit you", Christopher said and with that Kendall had more tears coming out, he was literally crying. Not by the pain anymore, he didn't care about it. Kendall only wondered how much this man loved his son. His own dad had never done this to him.

James wanted to say something but he was shocked by the sight. Kendall's injury looked more serious than it was an hour ago in the shower.

"Son, I'm seriously afraid of you having inside bleed" James' dad gave a worried look to the boys, "luckily even if you have it doesn't seem to serious, by the time had passed you could have been died if it was but yet I just cannot be sure. Your abdomen looks hard, and not by the muscles, by the blood might filling there inside. I'd like to touch it to be sure but that can hurt badly."

"Don't care. Touch it instead of sending me to hospital" Kendall said and had to control himself to not to yell at the only person who can cut off his suffer.

"Okay, don't pass out" Christopher reached out to touch Kendall's skin around the bruise. Kendall winced, but Dr. Diamond was doing well and he didn't feel too much pain, "okay. Maybe I was wrong. It seems hard because of the muscles". Both Kendall and James giggled. "But yet the only way to close inside bleeding out if we could do a scan. I can't do it here."

"Give me some painkillers and I'll be fine, please. I can't go to hospital" Kendall begged.

First time Kendall said he can't go to hospital and James immediately noticed it, "why can't you? We take you there? Kendall what's going on with you and doctors and hospitals?"

"Nothing, I just can't and I don't want to go there" Kendall repeated himself.

James looked at his dad who spoke up, "your name son?"

Kendall didn't have time to say anything because James already did, "Kendall Knight"

"Oh. Your dad is Donald Knight? He's on the E.R. at the hospital, right?" James' dad knew that the kid under his hands was familiar to him, till he didn't know his name he didn't know where, now he knew.

"Yes" Kendall whispered.

"Yesterday we were in the same shift. He isn't there now, I'm sure. You can go there, I'll go too" James' dad said moving Kendall's shirt back down on the boy's stomach.

"There is more to it, right?" James asked Kendall.

Kendall again just rolled his eyes. He didn't seem to tell whatever it was yet.

James stepped up to him and took his hand. On James' movement Kendall winced again. It felt so good when his James held his own hand. He almost passed out.

"Please Kendall, come on and go to hospital. You have serious injury. You just can't do it. I … I can't lose you, you hear me. We finally realized we could be good friends, I just can't let you die here in my house, please Kendall."

"James I can't. I … I … my family doesn't have the money for this" Kendall finally spat it out.

"You idiot" James squeezed Kendall's hand, "all your problem is the money? We can do it, right dad? You can do it."

"Yes, I might can. If you ask me to but don't do a habit about it, okay?" Dr. Diamond patted his son's back and Kendall burst out in tears again.

James and his dad helped him up to sitting again and James hugged Kendall, "shh, I don't know what comes to you besides your injury but it will be all right, Kendall", he whispered into his shoulder.

James and his dad led Kendall out to Christopher's car. James and Kendall settled down in the backseats and Mr. Diamond drove. Nobody had ever said a word, the drive was silent as Kendall was deeply lost in staring out of the car window to the dark night and hoped he wouldn't have to get into surgery and James was all worried for his crush, for his Kendall. James couldn't stop looking at him, Kendall's eyes were full of pain and obviously something was bugging him too besides his injury.

James was right. But in that moment Kendall to protect his own self, with his remaining strength he tried not to think of depressing things which would make him suffering more, instead he closed his eyes and fell into a quiet sleep. He couldn't take a lot about it though because it wasn't a long time when Mr. Diamond stopped the car at the hospital's parking lot.

He looked over at the backseats and saw his son watching the sleeping Kendall. _I wish I could hold your hand. _James was sighing so heavy that his dad had already started to get worried, "James, you didn't get injury, did you?"

"No dad, why?" he asked quietly.

Dr. Diamond shrugged, "you look sad and tired and worried way too much. Thought maybe something else happened too."

"No, dad, nothing. I'm just worried for him", James caressed Kendall's cheeks with nice looks and wished he could do something for the blonde boy.

"Okay. We need to wake him up", Christopher got out and appeared on Kendall's side. When he opened the door James was already trying to get Kendall back from sleep. James was scared though to touch him, at the first place being scared that he would hurt him; secondly he didn't want the waking Kendall to get wrong some movements of his. So James only squeezed Kendall's shoulder, "Kendall, wake up", he said to him.

Kendall after a few groans opened his eyes, "James?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm here. Let's get out so dad can do the scan."

"Okay" Kendall sighed and took a deep breath before accepting Dr. Diamond's helping hand and he exited the car. Within a second James was on his other side and they made their way to the entrance of the hospital.

When they were already in, James' dad immediately asked for a wheel-chair. From then things had gotten faster for Kendall, he noticed he was sleepy way too much, sometimes he passed out, he'd had a long day and the painkiller he got from Christopher before they left James' house had started to work. Once when Kendall opened his eyes he was already in a room, white walls, soft sheets and a pale light blinking next to the bed he was lying in. And there was James sitting on the edge of his bed.

"James" he said and the brunette turned his eyes on Kendall.

"Kendall. How are you feeling?" he asked.

Kendall waited a few seconds before he answered and tried to feel anything, tried to recognize if the pain was still there. It wasn't, at least it was better, way better, "good", Kendall's short respond was enough for James to smile.

"That's great. You can go home anyway. No need for surgery, there wasn't inside bleeding, you only got a bandage and more painkillers and dad said you should take a break with hockey for at least two weeks or three" James explained.

Kendall's eyes shut closed again for a short time, everything was still blurry for him and he needed to take little breaks between his words as he began to speak again, "James….then….why…didn't…you..wake..me..up…if..I..can….leave?"

"Well, I told dad that I'd wait a little bit before I wake you up, it was only 10 minutes ago when they did the scan. He said he doesn't mind if you take some rest here, at least he knows that you're keeping yourself away from causing more pain with unnecessary moving. But since you said you don't want your mom to know about it you can't …. "

"I can't stay here. I know. Thanks for everything James", Kendall said and tried to sit up. He felt some pain hitting his stomach and as he placed his palm above the bruise he felt the bandage through his shirt. James helped him up and soon he was standing next to the bed.

"I tell dad that you're ready to leave then", James said and was about to leave Kendall's side but he felt a hand reaching out for his.

"James" Kendall said and squeezed James' hand, "I need to take some rest but I can't go home. I don't want my mom to see me like this. She would ask a million things and would check me if she saw I'm hardly moving. I need to get used to this before I get home."

"Okay. You come home with me then" James said and led Kendall out of the room.

Kendall groaned as by the moving his pain got back but he tried to deal with it and grinned biting his lips.

Dr. Diamond didn't challenge, he saw as much as James did that something wasn't right with Kendall and he felt better if at least for that one night he can keep an eye on Kendall. The drive back James' house was again silent because Kendall had fallen asleep in the second his body hit the seat. He was actually half asleep when Christopher and James walked him in to the Diamond residency.

"Guest room, James" Mr. Diamond said as they headed upstairs. On the sound of guest room Kendall woke up again, he knew the guest room means being separated from James, "please. I don't want to be … alone" Kendall begged.

James looked over at his shoulder to his dad who motioned towards his son's room. When Kendall got into bed James covered him with a blanket and he walked out with his dad.

"Why is he so sleepy?" James asked quietly.

"He got strong pain killers. He had more serious of a pain than he showed. His luck that he didn't have inside bleeding. Will you keep an eye on him?"

"Of course. Thank you dad, love you", James stepped up to Christopher and hugged him.

"Welcome son. Be good with him. He seems like a good kid."

"He is. I just didn't realize it or I forgot it or whatever. I'll let you know if something happens, hope nothing is gonna happen though" James sighed.

His dad patted his son's shoulder, "he's gonna be fine. The first days are gonna be rough but if he watches out for himself it would be okay."

"Okay. Thanks dad again, for everything" they said goodnight's and then James got back to his bedroom.

He was thinking for a second what to do, _should I lie next to him? Or in the armchair? Or on the floor? Yeah, that'd be good enough._ James decided and was about to go to his dresser and get some comforter and pillow to spread on the floor but Kendall's voice broke his movements.

"James, come here", he said and James was next to him in that second, kneeling next to the bed.

"You okay?"

"Yes. I'm not dying James" Kendall laughed even if it caused pain for him.

James knew what was going on, "don't pretend like you're all good. Dad said you had serious injury. You must have been in bigger pain than you said."

"Didn't want you to get worried. I saw how caring you were in the locking room so I tried to keep myself."

"It's okay but you cannot fool me again. I can see through you Knight."

"Don't call me by my last name" Kendall warned with a serious look.

James rolled his eyes, "sorry."

"No it's not like that" Kendall comforted him and reached for James hand, "I just easily get hard if you call me by my last name."

"Kendall you are on drugs, you don't know what you're saying" James stepped back. It would hurt him too badly if later Kendall would be at his mind and would regret everything he was saying now or even how he was looking at James now. James wanted to protect himself from giving his hopes up and then in the morning when Kendall's head would get clear he would fall realizing that Kendall was only joking and under drugs when he made kinda gay statements.

"Okay, sorry" Kendall said and tried to turn on his other side. _I knew you wouldn't like me that way._ Kendall was about to fall asleep but once again he called out for James who was still standing frozen not too far from the bed, "sleep here with me or I'm gonna leave."

"You can't leave. You barely can move."

"I would if you didn't stay here, remember how good I was at covering the pain. Now there isn't too much pain but some blur in my head. I could easily get out of here if I wanted" Kendall said speaking with his back to James.

"But you don't want to" James gathered his pillow and blanket in his hands.

Kendall sighed, "I don't but if I need to I will."

"Okay. I'm coming. Hope you're not kicky" James laughed.

"Not now when I hardly can move, don't be so scared Diamond", Kendall said and closed his eyes.

There was again, Diamond called out from Kendall's mouth and James' heartbeat had gotten even faster now when he was in the same bed as Kendall and he even said his last name out. _Longest night it's gonna be, ever._ James sighed and tried to ignore his boner in his pants. There was a good, comfortable distance between the two young boys, a little, like an eight years old kid could fit into there but it was more than enough closeness after this day for both of them to get hard.

Kendall wanted James to cuddle with him and would tell him he soon would be well again, James wished he could take Kendall into his embrace and put him into sleep.

"Are you scared of me Diamond?" Kendall whispered.

"No Knight" James answered teasing and somewhere deep inside hoping that Kendall would really turn on if he hears his name called out from his mouth.

"Then why are you keeping so big of a distance?"

"I don't want you to regret anything when you wake up next morning", James said.

Kendall hummed, "there was already much this day I could regret if it wasn't you. But I swear I won't regret anything. I'm grateful that you helped James."

"It's all good, now get some sleep. We can talk tomorrow. Good night Kendall" James covered himself with the blanket.

"Night, James, and thanks again and sorry for making problems."

"You don't do problems, night" and from then they both fell into sleep.

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**So? Any thoughts? It maybe sucks.. I dunno... tell me please? More Kames in the next chapter and it won't take more than a few days I promise! **


	6. Chapter 6 Shrugging off the fears

**A/N: As I promised here's a quick update even if I haven't got many reviews or new followers, I don't mind, I'm still grateful for everyone who reads, who reviews and reads who secretly reads and never reviews, so actually thanks to everyone who likes it :) Nothing more to say, please LET ME KNOW if you like it, I don't bite:) p.s: I know I'm suck at titles.. lol **

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Chapter 6 – Shrugging off the fears

Kendall despite the tons of painkillers he had gotten the night he couldn't sleep very well and woke up at like 4 am. He somehow turned around where he faced with the sleeping James. _So beautiful and so close but you acted weird when I said that last night…probably it was weird and idiotic to say that…I don't know what came to me. How on earth could I think you would like to hear me saying that? But it was true, James. I like you so much and it makes me insane that you're so nice to me._

Kendall wished he could take James' hand while he was sleeping but he was scared he would scare him again. He didn't want James to think anything bad about him, Kendall was glad that it seemed like James and he once can be good friends. After the previous day's happenings Kendall could already see that standing in the door. And he was grateful for it; he would have never wanted to throw this chance away. Instead he decided to keep his own thoughts to himself and tried to control the thing in his pants too which was often talking instead of his mouth, just like last night.

"Why are you staring?" Kendall almost got a heart attack as James voice broke the silent.

"Am not staring" Kendall lied.

James yawned and finally opened his eyes seeing Kendall's eyes studying his face, "Yes you are."

Kendall sighed in frustration and decided to tell James why he was actually staring, "okay so I was staring because you've got beautiful eyes, you know? Sometimes it's simply brown, some kind of hazel, other times it has a shining green ringing around on the edge. It's some kind of miracle for me, I've never seen such an amazing thing. And I was kinda sending you some kind of vibes in the hope of you opening your eyes and I could see them again. And see? It worked, now I see them."

James blushed, "why thank you. Nobody ever told me things like this."

"I only wonder why" Kendall let a heavy sigh again to fly out of his mouth and it landed on James' face. James loved the feeling and smiled at it meanwhile Kendall searched for more nice words to tell James seeing that the brunette liked to hear them.

They fell into a silent of watching each other; they barely even blinked when James again started, "are you staring again?"

"I am but you too" Kendall smirked enjoying that James was apparently loving the sight in his bed facing with him otherwise he would have broken the moment earlier.

"Maybe I am. But you why again?"

"I was just wondering if I can get out of bed."

"Why?"

"Because it's almost morning and I couldn't sleep anymore. Plus I need to go to pee and I had no idea where to head you know..so I kinda was waiting, sorry if I did wake you up earlier with my staring."

"No, it's okay. I feel like I can't sleep anymore either. I would have waken up anyway very soon because it was hours ago since I last asked if you are okay. Are you okay? Didn't I kick you or something?"

James with being so nice made it harder for Kendall to think with his mind, "James, chill. I'm fine. And you're really nice for caring to me so much. Thank you and you didn't kick or something. You were sleeping like a baby. You're cute, you know that?"

James rolled his eyes, "no need to thank me and then okay, I'm glad you could sleep next to me and yes people often tell me I'm cute, mostly girls and Logan but he doesn't count."

Kendall's kind of good mood had flown away as soon as James mentioned Logan. It snapped him back to reality, back to the world where James was either straight or into Logan, "okay, can you show me the bathroom then?"

James didn't know what happened, he once found Kendall trying to turn around and get out of the bed. It happened so quickly that before he even could blink one Kendall was sitting on the edge of the bed after letting out a heavy groan and placing his hand on his stomach.

"You shouldn't have done this, I'm here to help" James rushed to him.

Kendall gently pushed him away, "I'm fine. I'm not a baby, I need to do some things alone. You know."

"Okay. Uh bathroom is there" James pointed the door almost opposite to his bed, "you can use it. I'm not sure if mom knows you're here and I don't want you to get attacked by her while doing … well whatever you are about to do."

Kendall lifted himself off of the bed and James followed him in his movements, "okay. Uh thanks and my thing is just peeing you know I told you but later before we should leave for school I would need a shower too."

"Yeah it's okay. You can do whatever you want. Feel yourself home. I won't disturb" James said and motioned towards the bathroom.

Kendall nodded, "better for you not to. You've seen enough of me yesterday" he even giggled and made his way out. He ignored the pain as much as he could and waited for any respond by James but he just heard a quiet chuckle before the bathroom door shut.

James sat down on the bed falling into his thoughts he was running through the last day's memories in his mind. He just couldn't believe yet that Kendall would like him other way. _Yes he was staring at me, yes he was looking at me begging eyes and squeezed my hand and yes he said he had got …. hard if I say his name but I can't build on these things. The pain and then the painkillers were speaking out of him. Or maybe …maybe those were real signs? But then what are these quick mood changes? I don't get him. I just don't and till I don't get him I cannot take seriously anything__ of those signs, maybe I just imagine things into other things because I wish he would get hard by …. by me, I wish he would smile at me because he wants me. I only wish … and it's not enough. Maybe if we get back to school again into our own world, it would be different as it was after we first met at the hockey camp._

As Kendall was doing his things in James' bathroom he kept wondering why James always brings up Logan when they have such a nice moment. _If he is into guys, there is only one guy, Logan for him. He always talks about him and he actually gets scared if I'm close to him, if he sees something is going on my mind. Or does he not know that I think it seriously? That I really get hard and that I really think he is cute and stuff? He's gonna keep refusing to believe me when I say I'm not speaking those things only because of the pain, except if I don't give up. But then I'm gonna get hurt if I realize he is either straight or is in love with Logan. Should I continue? Here is the chance to get him as a friend, and now I want to ruin it by trying to discover my feelings? Because yes he is cute and yes I get hard on him and yes I wish he would take my hand as he did yesterday several times but yet I'm not sure in anything… first it's better to build our friendship._

Kendall washed hands and walked out, "James?" he asked and saw the brunette laying on his bed in the weak blaze of the bedside lamp what James turned on when they both were awake already.

James immediately jumped out of his position, "yes? Are you okay?"

"James, I really love that you are all this excited for my health but I really am better. Your dad is a great doctor, I'm fine. Just wanted to ask if I can borrow some clothes of yours for today."

"OH okay" James walked up to his dresser and opened its door, "well you can tell that to dad eye to eye because I'm sure he'd come to check you as it gets morning and …. let's go with it. Are you okay with that?" he handed to the blonde boy a bigger shirt of his owns and a pair of black jeans he thought it would look extremely good on Kendall and raised an eyebrow.

Kendall nodded, "yes I guess, thank you….uh…you know…underwear?"

"Oh" James kinda blushed, "here" he pulled out a drawer and grabbed one of his black briefs, "good enough?"

"Yes. Okay. I'm gonna get them … " Kendall started, but James cut him off, "keep them, everything. Gonna be a memory of our first unofficial sleepover", he even smiled.

"Okay. Thanks again. Then I figured it could be good to get through the shower, who knows how long it will take" Kendall sighed remembering that he hardly could move yet and felt again a little bit miserable.

James closed the drawer and the dresser while said, "just take your time. We have plenty of that. You need help?"

"Oh well…." Kendall blushed, "I know I told you, you wouldn't get anymore of me after yesterday but I guess I need to take off the bandage. Can you help with that?"

"Yeah sure, strip then" James laughed and Kendall threw his shirt off.

"You like it huh?" Kendall asked even if he decided in himself a few minutes ago that he wouldn't push it but he couldn't help when he heard the gasp coming out of James' mouth in a reaction of the sight of his bare chest.

James only shrugged, "not bad. You work a lot; I see that, not for first time. It's just your injury. I don't want to hurt you Kendall."

"You won't hurt me, just start it, I'm getting tired of standing here for this long" Kendall chuckled and James looked up to his eyes, "do it. I won't melt as sugar .. well might I will but … shit .. I'm sorry .."

"No, it's okay" _Kendall why are you telling me things like this? Melting under my touch, you fucking tease._

James turned his eyes back to Kendall's abdomen and then his hands were there too within a second. He slowly started to undo it around the blonde's torso and Kendall had begun to speak again, "so now you can admit you are staring me a lot in the locking room."

"No, Kendall, I am not" James said totally calmed and relaxed since he wasn't lying. In the locking room he tried to avoid any kind of staring, once because other guys can notice it, secondly because it easily can get him carried away and he would end up in some closet jacking off at the picture of half or full naked Kendall.

"Yesterday you said it's not the first time you're seeing me and now again, so you are."

"Yes I told you I've seen you. I have seen a part of you, but I've never seen certain parts till yesterday" with that the last piece of the bandage left Kendall's abdomen and the huge bruise showed up again in front of their eyes.

"It looks even worse" James noted hoping Kendall would forget about the previous topic.

"Yes and wait what? So then you have never seen THAT?"

James giggling and sighing searched for Kendall's eyes, "never dude."

"Shit James, you're such a player" Kendall blushed but couldn't help he liked it.

"Yeah, go and shower. Call me if you need help. I have already seen it you know."

"Stop teasing okay?"

"Why? Every time you have started I've given it back. Then come on Knight, give it back."

_No James don't call me like that. I warned you. You wanted to play, okay!_

"Told you last night that don't call me by my last name or …. " he pointed at his pants. It wasn't visible yet but he already could feel the jeans getting tighter around him.

With that Kendall reached James to looking down there, _fuck you Kendall._

"You didn't lie, did you?"

"Why would have I lied?" Kendall asked still giggling.

James shrugged, "to make me feel uncomfortable or to tease me how you always do, how you did yesterday at school with the gay thing and with your chances or where the fuck I should know why?"

"I didn't lie. I just really feel like that lately. I can't help it though, my hormones plus the pain, you know, so sorry if I made you uncomfortable with that."

"It's okay. But you know, you have a girlfriend and … well it'd be enough for you to not say that, so I really think you were just teasing."

_Oh god, of course Jo. That was the reason you didn't take well these things. I need to cut that off as soon as I meet her so you'll see I am not only teasing. But seeing you this uncomfortable, maybe again the doubts, maybe you find it disgusting even to joke about it. Shit, Diamond why I just cannot ask if you like me as I do like you? It would get to the end finally._

"Okay. I'm off to shower" Kendall turned around and disappeared behind the bathroom door again.

James wanted to get lost in thoughts but he didn't dare, he was scared what kind of thoughts would come to his mind when Kendall Knight was in his bathroom showering, naked, and injured, being all cute and a fucking tease.

_Yes he is a tease. But I don't know why? It's just too unbelievable that he'd be doing this because he wants something, or isn't it that impossible?_

Kendall washed himself off while he too kept thinking, _here at James' bathroom, he could do whatever he wants to. He sometimes takes it well though when I tease, he enjoys it but then again I just can't get over those moments when he mentions Logan. I'm scared to ask anything. If he takes it on heart … at school when I asked if he was gay … I only wished he would have told me honestly..maybe with only the two of us he would tell, or maybe not._

Kendall was thinking like this and then forgetting about his statement he made a rough rub on his injured area and screamed in pain. James immediately jumped up again and stood in front of the bathroom door, "Kendall, what happened?"

"Nothing" Kendall breathed heavily still visioning about stars which came with the pain what hit him a minute ago, "just did a bad a movement but it's fine. Gonna be ready in a few minutes."

"You sure?" James asked worried.

"Yes" Kendall answered and after that James settled back to his bed.

His dad stormed into the room, "son? What happened?"

"Oh dad, sorry … Kendall is in the shower and he probably touched his injury so … uh you heard, sorry."

Christopher sighed in relief, "okay, thought there was something serious. You okay? Your night was .. good? Could you sleep?"

"I'm okay, the night was okay and I could sleep, why couldn't I anyway?" James lifted eyebrows.

His dad shrugged, "nothing, just I saw how much you care to him and thought maybe you are able to even not sleep only for watching out for him."

"Yes dad, I admit I care about him because he really is a good guy and we're kinda friends and yes I was thinking for a moment to stay up and guard his dream but after the game we had I was tired as death so as I hit the bed I fell asleep. We didn't even change into PJ's."

"Yeah, that's nice. And I thought he wouldn't but it's okay if you neither changed. Sometimes it happens to your mom too" Christopher's voice got a new tone as he mentioned his wife.

"Uh, mom is home already?"

"Yes. She had gotten home after midnight and fell into bed as usual."

James was thinking for a second, "I haven't seen her in a while. She is coming home to sleep and then goes back to work before I wake up."

"I know son. Believe me I don't see her more either. We actually don't have a life anymore, not a common one. She lives for her job, I'm sorry she doesn't care much about you."

Talking about his mom made James want to freak out and cry but he held himself back to show his father that he was already stronger than that. Plus he didn't want his dad to get upset because of how big of a bitch of his mom with his own son lately and then he would start to argue with her during that short time when they change a few words. James didn't want his parents to fight so instead he kept his mouth shut hoping that his dad wouldn't notice how much pain his mother does to him, otherwise his dad would be already going and did the scene.

"It's fine dad. I know she loves me though, she works for me too. She knows how much I want to move to LA one day, and I also know that you too are working hard for me. I will be forever grateful for that" he hugged Dr. Diamond and said into his shoulder, "thanks dad, a lot, I love you so much."

"Love you too James, no need to thank, it's my duty, to help you" he patted his son's back.

"And for what you did for Kendall, I thank you for that too, you don't even know him and yet helped him for me, thanks."

They pulled apart and Christopher squeezed James' shoulder, "welcome son but how I said don't do a habit out of this, okay?"

"Yes dad."

Kendall was over showering and through the door he heard the last part of James and his dad's chat and he was near to crying again. His dad never was so caring to him, his dad never loved him, neither him nor his mother or his sister. Pain rushed through his body this time it was his heart aching as he wished he would have ever had a dad like James had.

As James and his dad fell into a silent he noticed that the water in his bathroom had already gotten shut off, "Kendall?" he asked standing up from his bed and walking to the door which got open in that moment.

"I'm ready" he said and came out with a towel wrapped around his waist.

"Kendall, how are you feeling?" Mr. Diamond asked and motioned to him to come over so he can check the blonde's stomach.

"Good, thanks to you" Kendall answered forcing a smile onto his face.

James saw that something wasn't right again but he stayed in silent till his dad would disappear.

"Well, right now it looks worse than yesterday" Christopher said, "but sure it would be better soon. I'm gonna give you some pills to get if you have pain, okay?"

"Okay, thanks" Kendall kept looking at his bruised abdomen.

Christopher chuckled noticing the awkward silent and then got into moving, "then in the morning I see you guys, till then you have a few hours. Be good, let me know if something happens" and with that he was out of the room.

Kendall without saying anything just sat down on the bed and buried his face into his hands. His wet hair fell into his forehead and drops of water were running down on his back still. James got his power and ignored the sight of half naked Kendall in front of him again, "you…what happened?" he asked and knelt down putting his hands on Kendall's bare knees.

"I'm sorry but I overheard the last part of your talk with your dad and … I kinda feel miserable again because my dad would never tell me that he loves me and all the stuff … he would never do things like your dad does for you, for me as a stranger …"

"Kendall," James rubbed the boy's skin underneath his touch, "if your dad is like that, it isn't your fault. Did you hear the first part?"

"No" Kendall replied quickly and short but still with his face in his palms.

James didn't want to talk about his mom again knowing it might floods him to the edge of crying again but he knew it would be a great way to let Kendall know that not everything is so perfect as it seems in his life either.

So he started, "we ended up telling those things because he accidentally brought up my mom and we are both so upset about her behaving lately."

Kendall looked up, his green eyes were wet obviously by the tears he tried to stop from escaping out, "why?"

"You say your dad doesn't love you, I feel the same about my mom."

"That's stupid, why your mom wouldn't like you? You're so amazing, every mom would be proud of you" Kendall lifted his hand and caressed James' cheek.

It was the first time he did something like this with other one than Carlos, but that didn't really count. Kendall felt the warm coming out of James' soft skin through his fingertips and wandering around in the blonde's entire body.

"I can tell the same for you Kendall. Your dad is stupid if he doesn't love you" James said a little bit of blushing by Kendall's touch on his face but not feeling uncomfortable.

"Yes he is stupid. I don't want to tell the same thing bout your mom though, but she does a huge mistake if she forgets how much she should love her only child. You're the only, right?"

"Yes" James nodded, "she always wanted a big family but then after me she had two miscarries and she kinda gave it up, you know? It was rough for her and since then she is burring herself into her job. She made her own company after she decided to give up her imagine of the big family and since then she … she is acting like I wouldn't exist you know? And what hurts me more that here is my dad, you self see how great he is and mom does the same with him too" now James too had tears and Kendall seeing him so weak pulled him up with himself and locked him into a tight cuddle. They were standing there next to James' bed, James smelling Kendall after his fresh taken shower, his skin against his body, it was so comforting. He was the one willing to make Kendall relax and instead finally he became the one needing some comfort.

James knew though in advance it could happen but he didn't think it could get this carried away. He didn't want to go deep into his mom's things but he couldn't stop, he trusted Kendall and finally when he saw that he felt the same about his dad, James knew Kendall would totally understand him.

Kendall held James tight enough, as much as he could without pressing James against his injured stomach, and let James to lean his head in Kendall's neck while he kept rubbing the brunette's back through his shirt with both of his palms.

"We really should have talked before, we could have understood each other. I have never had anyone, I mean there was Logan to listen to me but he has everything, his life is perfect at every point but I couldn't find someone who actually knew how it feels what I'm saying" James said.

Kendall tried to ignore that there was Logan again in the sentence, "you're right, we should have talked. I figured we could be really good friends, I don't know, I was just scared I think for some reason, you know?"

"Yes. I know. I felt the same through all these months. You had your place and I had mine too and I didn't feel like wanting to ruin it and when you decided to come up to me we couldn't talk. Instead we teased each other. But it didn't matter now. Look where we are" James almost whispered.

"Yeah, sorry about that. I'm a chicken sometimes."

"Just like me" James laughed.

Kendall smiled, "good that you laugh, it means you okay."

"I am, now. Thanks."

"Wanna laugh more?" Kendall asked giggling.

James sighed, "sure, why?" his eyes were still closed.

"Bet if you open your eyes you will laugh" Kendall said.

James swallowed, "I'm not sure I want to open after you say that."

"Come on" Kendall encouraged, "I tell you then why would you laugh, okay?"

"Okay" James answered.

"Fine, so when I stood up, the towel …. well it kinda fell down."

"So now I'm hugging you naked?"

"Guess so. If you come closer you can meet … "

"Shit Kendall, stop it" James pulled apart and turned around without willing to look at him but the mirror in front of him showed everything of Kendall. He saw the blonde was smiling and with that James too burst out in laughter then bent down and handed the towel back to Kendall trying to not look down, "here."

They laughed as Kendall tied the fabric around his waist, "told you" Kendall smirked.

"I bet you did it on purpose, you tease again."

"Nah, I didn't do it on purpose but I keep wondering if you have already seen me TWICE you should show me something too."

"Kendall, you … no words how you are" James blushed.

Kendall bit his lips imagining James naked in front of him, "nah come on, don't be ashamed, we are hockey players, we are running all naked in the locking room in front of each other."

"Ah yeah. Maybe you, am not" James said and handed the clothes to Kendall.

"See? You already want me to drop it off again" Kendall continued.

"Kendall, stop. I just don't want you to get cold. Put them on, till then I'm gonna take a shower too" James said as he turned around.

James still didn't want to believe what Kendall was doing actually was the biggest sign ever that he liked him. It was impossible because for god's sake he was Kendall Knight. He wouldn't like James Diamond, even if everyone does, he wouldn't do it that way. He was scared that they would head to school and there would be Jo and everything would change again. Kendall would realize where he belongs to and James would get forgotten forever and everything what had happened here in his room would be an awkward memory for Kendall of his own weakness which was caused by his injury.

_He doesn't seem like caring with me naked. He seems like every other guy who sees me like this. I feel like giving up on trying. No, you won't give up after less then a day. Somehow you get to the end of this torture. You will pull it out of him if he is only scared or ashamed or whatsoever. Remember what Carlos said. Maybe he is the same scared as me and he just cannot believe that actually something can be between us._

Kendall didn't do anything but was sitting on the bed waiting for James. He didn't even try to get dressed because he was in pain. At least he wanted to say James that he was so he would help him again.

"You didn't get dressed?" James asked drying his hair off with one towel and another was around his waist as he walked back to Kendall.

Kendall sat up, "you forgot that I hardly can bend down I didn't know how to start."

"Oh, okay. Sorry. I forgot it" James said and his eyes fell on the heap of clothes he gave to Kendall, "not even the briefs this time?"

Kendall only shook his head.

James grabbed the black briefs and knelt down as Kendall sat up, "here" he said and slid his legs one after another one into the underwear James grabbed the black briefs and knelt down as Kendall sat up, "here" he said and slid his legs one after another one into the black cotton. As they were up on Kendall's knee "get up" James commanded and Kendall did so. James then grabbed the fabric again and pulled it on to his waist under the towel what Kendall was wearing. Once it was settled he undid the towel.

"That was a way to do it" Kendall smiled.

"Yes, a moderated way" James giggled, "so next the jeans," he stepped aside for the pants, "sit back down." He did the same procedure with the jeans and then he reached for the shirt.

"Thanks James, for everything" Kendall grabbed the fabric out of James' grip and slowly lifting it up over his head he pulled it on.

"Anytime Kendall" James kept his smile.

Kendall chuckled, "then see you tonight for undressing me and then morning to get me dressed."

"You wish Knight."

"James stop" Kendall walked over the window to let some fresh air into the room which felt like suffocating him every now and then when it had gotten between him and James.

"You tell me to stop and you keep doing these things. Saying me I'm cute and so on, letting the towel to fall down and then making me to get you dressed again. I won't ever stop if you won't either, Knight."

"I'm just trying to figure out what's going on and I'm saying what I'm saying because it comes from my heart, and I'm doing what I'm doing because it feels good."

"Yeah it's nice Knight, and yeah I can see that. You enjoy playing with me, right?"

"Yes James, I do enjoy it from the first moment because there was no other way I could get close to you. I wanted to be your friend so badly, I wanted you to talk to me and it was the only way to get that. But you didn't seem to mind it anyway, just saying" Kendall smirked and they get closer to each other.

"I don't mind it at all because I really wanted the same and I was glad we have had some kind of communication" James stepped up to him.

"Great, don't you want to get dressed?" Kendall giggled checking him out.

"Maybe I need help."

"You do?"

"No, you wish I would, Knight" James turned on his heels and grabbing some piece of clothes out of his dresser on his way he was again in the bathroom.

Kendall couldn't help on himself anymore. He was guarding in front of the door waiting for James to come out and willing to get into action as soon as the brunette shows up again.

_I don't care what happens, I need to know what you feel. If you feel anything, you must feel, since you're playing these games to me._

"Kendall" James yelped in surprise when he wanted to go out of the bathroom and Kendall was facing him in the doorway.

"Yes, Diamond?" he giggled.

"What are you doing?"

"Dunno. I'm going after my heart. After all these long months I've waited for something to happen, I wanted you to be my friend, to talk to me and then now it became clear that we have wasted a lot of time because we were both chickens. I don't wanna waste a single minute anymore, I need to know if I get the signs right."

"Yeah? Uh you're right there. So right. Speaking of my heart actually. But I'm still scared Kendall."

"See? Here is the proof. I was right. You're curious as me. Let's try it."

James only nodded and let Kendall to lean in and touch his lips. Since both of them had experienced kissing with another guy it wasn't so strange for neither of them as it was back then when that certain first happened on both side. It wasn't strange at all; it was like when you find where you belong to, when you get home, like they had meant to be kissing forever. It was crazy but it really felt like that to both Kendall and James, from the first moment through the soft movements till the last when they parted. The strange feeling came after they broke apart. The lack of the other's lips was the only weird thing and none of them hesitated to repeat the kiss this time rougher a little bit.

Kendall as he was Kendall and loved to be dominant, gently pushed James up against the doorframe with his palms and tried to keep away with his abdomen what was aching anyway, who the hell knows why just then but it hurt badly. James ran his fingers into Kendall's blond locks and licked Kendall's lips to get permission for more. He wanted to taste the blonde's tongue, he had imagined this so many times and it felt ten, what ten, a million fucking times better and he knew it only can get even enjoyable.

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**Huh! The first kiss had just now happened? How you guys like it? I see there are views so apparently you're reading, please if I can ask, you should stop by and say hello! :) you know you can make me smile? Hope you like it, update is coming soon.. :)**


	7. Chapter 7 Switching roles

**A/N: Hi beautiful people out there:) Thank you for the love, reviews follows and stuff, it means a lot:) please keep up reviewing.. dunno what else to say then here's a new chap, I know everyone loved Kendall being the one who dictates but when I started to write this it came out the way it did and finally the title says it, they switch roles because they both need some support from each other, this time Kendall is the one being unsure, you will see:) lol I'm not sure about this chapter, I had a lot job in it, but anyway hope you like it, at least the end of it:)**

**much love!**

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Chapter 7 – Switching roles

Both of them felt sparks gaining in their lower parts, their pants had gotten tighter from two kisses. They couldn't believe it. The shock just now hit them and they quickly broke apart. Kendall stepping back and making a scared face, trying to taste James in his insides where the brunette's tongue licked him over he wondered if it was right or not.

And since James was in the same boat he wondered on the exact same thing. This moment scared them both, even if it wasn't their first kiss with a boy they knew it wasn't just about being curious, it was way more and it was uncomfortable even to James too when he already thought he was fine with being attached to guys.

Kendall slowly backed off to the bed and sat on the edge. James grabbed his clothes and put them on, Kendall didn't notice that he was full nude in the same room; he was shocked how good it felt to kiss him and wondered how it was possible. They barely knew each other and yet his erection ached in his tight jeans what he borrowed from James. This was sexual tension and nothing more. Kendall started to think, what if there was nothing more but his hormones playing with him. He was always the kind of boy who wanted to wait with any kind of sexual activities till he finds someone who deserves it and he couldn't handle the fact that he was so turned on right then on a boy who was nice and kind and sexy and he didn't even know him. He was so scared of his own feelings that he actually was making excuses again. _It's not real, just hormones, curiousity, nothing more, it cannot be._

Kendall finally got what he wanted, he could taste James on his own lips and the fact that James never pulled away didn't matter, he was scared. It happened. Now he couldn't take it back anymore. He let James know that he liked him and maybe with that he screwed up the forming friendship between them. Kendall didn't understand that James simply would have pushed him away if he didn't like the kiss, he thought what he always thought, he let him to do it only from compassion and because he later would like to laugh at him or whatsoever. It was just so unreal for the blonde. He fabricated stupid reasons in his mind, reasons to prepare himself for the following minutes when James would tell him that he is a freak and that he mustn't even to look at him once again.

James supposed that Kendall was freaking out inside by the thought of the possible consequences of this kiss but he didn't dare to ask what he was exactly thinking about. Even though then he could have told Kendall that it wasn't like the blonde thought because James let him to kiss him because he likes him too, because the feeling of Kendall being so close to him is just unbearable, and because he was so glad that Kendall wanted to try it, it meant that he was wondering if he liked him too, right? Or no? James was confused too. Soon he too started to think that it was something wrong with him, he figured he maybe wasn't good enough for Kendall and the blonde just now realized it by this kiss, and that's why he just turned away without a word.

He went back to the bathroom to take another shower to cool himself off.

James was confused but he assumed it could be Kendall's problem too. _No more of this, we need to talk about it so then we would know what is going on.__ Come on James, sometimes you need to stand on your heels. _James stepped out of the bathroom, fully dressed again and laid next to Kendall as he spoke up quietly. Meanwhile all the happenings, morning came by and soon it had gotten lighter in the room, they could see every detail of their faces without the lights being on.

"Kendall, we should talk and then it would be better. I know it's hard, I mean … I feel … I feel that what you do, it's confusing, mainly because we barely know each other but what we feel we can't deny that. Just think about it, I am sure you have been doing it, otherwise you wouldn't kiss me, but then you backed away, uh think of it, we haven't talked about anything and yesterday when we did it went easily, we kinda got to be friends, keep that up and let's talk, okay?"

"I don't know James. I don't know why I want this, I just want, I feel I really do. I'm scared I'd realize later that it wasn't anything serious, I was just curious and then I'd hurt you if you … if you … have this thing for me .. if it's deeper for you, you know? I want to protect ourselves."

"So then it's some kind of confession that you feel something for me, right?"

"Uhm, yeah. I'm sorry" Kendall apologized.

James let out a quiet laugh, "don't be. And don't be unsure either. I mean, what I feel for you, it isn't just an if, I really have something for you, Kendall."

Kendall couldn't believe his ears and turned to look at James' eyes, "seriously?"

James smiling said, "yeah I don't know why you pulled away when it'd got just right."

"You too pulled away, you were shocked, I saw."

"Uh Kendall. I didn't exactly know and I still don't know where it comes, how come that you now realized that you feel something. I just couldn't believe and I still can't why would you like me and when you began to back off I thought you regret it already, that it wasn't such a great thing as you may thought it would be so that's why I got confused too. But see? We just have to talk and it's all good. Isn't it? Now if you like me and I like you too we can kiss again, maybe?" James' words made Kendall smile but he still didn't feel up to it. It was just so unstable. They both were so new in this thing, they can easily hurt each other.

"I'm not sure, still, James" Kendall turned away again.

James sighed, "I give you time, as many as you need. I've been waiting long enough but I know you wouldn't hurt me, I trust you and please Kendall don't turn away just talk to me, tell me more why you're so scared so then we can get through it together, okay?"

"I'm seriously I'm just scared that I'd find out that ... I don't want to say it but from who I am, from my uncertainty, I'll never know what I want and I know I like you a lot but I just don't know where it comes and I'm scared it would go away after a time and with that I'd hurt you" Kendall honestly admitted every scare of his and felt really ashamed that he couldn't trust in his own feelings.

"Oh, well whatever can happen, I know we're kinda young to say anything for sure but if we never try we would never know if this is what we are, you know? And I know you wouldn't hurt anyone on purpose."

Kendall only responded with a sigh.

James took a deep breath and said something he knew it wasn't true but Kendall needed to open up. This time he was the one who needed to grab the lead. It was the thing being wonderful in those two teenage boys. None of them were as confident as they showed towards the world, both of them was scared of doing anything new but both Kendall and James knew if someone needed some courage, some confident to be given, then they needed to stand up and assure one another that they're not alone, that they don't have to be scared, that they can be understood only if they talk. "Look Kendall. I won't be mad at you if you later change your mind, I mean I sure I'd be a little bit but you're a great guy, I wouldn't blame you if you prefer to be with all those pretty girls over me."

"You know you don't mean that. You know you eventually would be mad and I'd understand it totally. Plus don't forget that not I'm the only one with pretty girls around. You also can turn back to them, can't you? If once I won't be good enough because there are prettier and richer and simply just better girls or even if you turn out to be really gay, there are more much better guys than I am."

James rolled his eyes, "everything's possible but yet again if we don't try it, we never will know what we just miss, ya know? About the people being better than you, I don't think I've ever known anyone better than you are, Kendall. Except my dad and Logan nobody cared about me as much as you do. It was mostly my fault, that's true, because before you came into my life I haven't opened up. Not even that much as I did it with you and as I do it lately. I mean you just now said you don't want to hurt me; you yourself are scared too that you'd turn out liking girls instead or other guys and then if I felt something for you, you'd probably break my heart. Nobody, can you hear me?" James turned his face to Kendall and lifted a hand up to his cheek. It was cold but soft, as everything in Kendall. He was closed behind a wall the same way as James was, they were so similar in that. But also with everything Kendall did he was as gentle and sweet and soft as nobody else was ever to James.

Kendall looked deeply into the brunette's eyes and listened to him as he continued, "nobody cared me this much, ever. You hear me when I say I don't care that we don't know each other and we don't know too much about one another? It all doesn't really matter because we have plenty of time to know everything we want to know and nothing matters but the fact that you're the best thing, again I ask you hear when I say you're the best thing I've ever known?"

Tears gathered in Kendall's eyes by James' words. He still didn't understand what made him so special in James' eyes, "why do you think that? What have I ever done for you that it makes you say that I'm the best? I should say that instead, James, you're all but sweet to me since the first moment and I didn't know how to handle that you didn't want to open up. I thought you hated me, I thought I would never be good. I thought you were acting all nice on the surface and then you'd quickly forget that I even exist. I didn't understand if you were that nice why you just didn't want to talk to me. That was why I didn't know how to talk to you again when we met in school. I just didn't understand why you were so nice and then so hiding. And then here, after what happened, you helped me yesterday, you made your dad help me and let me to sleep in your bed and stuff, why? Why am I so special, I didn't do a thing for you."

"You don't even know what you did" James quietly laughed and brushed a tear off of Kendall's face.

"Seriously I don't" Kendall said smiling.

James was satisfied again, "that's it, your smile Kendall."

"What about it?"

"When you smile the world stops and everything leaves me. I see you're shining and I see you're all perfect and I wish you'd be mine, forever. I know it's weird, after this short time, this young, to say something like that. But I mean it. You're so amazing that I just can't deal with it. And with not knowing what you did, you're even cuter Kendall."

"After leaving the hockey camp on that winter we met I realized how chicken I was always. I wasn't the guy all the time that I am now. I was even more closed into my own world, you know? And after seeing that you're something similar I just knew it's not right. I saw you having tons of friends and talent and everything you would need but I also saw that you're hiding as I was doing it. And as an outsider witnessing that behaving wasn't a good feeling. I didn't want to be like that again. I wanted to change. And it was hard to even start it but I knew I need to try. I'm still trying. There are things I just cannot get over, still but I'm trying because I can see that I'm not the only one and I hope if I can help myself then I give some inspiration to others too, to open up, to put trust into others, to not be scared from themselves. You know?"

"That all? You see that all because of me? I was .. I am that miserable? That's so visible that I'm so lost inside?" Kendall asked desperately just now realizing that he wasn't so good at pretending that he was fine all the time if James could see it. it wasn't that he didn't know that he was so a chicken but it hurt him that the boy he liked so much could see it. Kendall thought if he sees his weakness he'd never like him, but then why is this gentle, sweet smile, these little, warm touches on his cheeks? Why is this caring? Kendall wondered. He didn't understand, still didn't get it.

"It's not that Kendall. You're not miserable, you're just lost and confused and young and from what I know about your things with your dad, I can imagine how much you hate even to live sometimes. I just want to say that I understand you. That's why I can see that you're not okay because I feel the same, you know?" James asked and his hand kept caressing Kendall's wet from tears cheek.

"Okay" Kendall replied quietly, "but if you assumed things from the very beginning why did you never ask me? If you asked I would have told it, we would have talked and would have helped each other from the first day."

"I didn't want to get too close to you and then to loose you. I didn't know it yet back then that I'd move out here. I thought I might never see you again and I just wanted to protect ourselves."

Kendall laughed.

"What?" James asked.

"I thought there was something like that but even I was so an idiot as always, and I instead believed that you simply didn't like me that much but wanted to get through the camp easily without having problems with your roommate."

"I think I wasn't acting like someone who just wanted to do that, was I? I mean, didn't we have fun?" James cocked eyebrows as the flood of memories hit his mind.

Kendall sighed, "I told you, I didn't understand. I've never believed in my heart. I thought people wouldn't just like me for fun. Thought everyone just wants to use me or whatever. Those two weeks was a great experience what I'd never forget" Kendall said and turning his face his lips met with the skin of the back of James' hand and he kissed it then they let themselves to fall into the stream of memories.

"Hey, I'm James" the younger brunette smiled at Kendall as he was ordered to the blonde's team when they first met in winter hockey camp a year and a half ago.

It was their first day when they had gotten to introduced each other, when they got their room schedule and they got some instructions about the camp. But first of all they played.

Kendall smiled back and shook James held out hand, "Kendall, let's see what you have got" he said handing James a stick and as the captain he introduced the other guys too whilst they prepared for the game.

Kendall was amazed by the sight of James skating around and gathering their points, he was just amazing, and he couldn't take his eyes off of him. He was 15 back then, he didn't even think it through why he was staring him so bad, he just took it like he was cute and he wanted to know James more, he wanted to be his friend. It was a weird feeling though. He'd never felt such a push inside like he did feel then.

He was determined though. There was something in James what didn't let him calm, something what kept telling him that he has to know this pretty brunette. And then in the changing room when he kept eyeing him how he was lightly talking to other boys, it hit his mind that James would probably be gone when the camp ends and they would barely see each other in the next camp. But then he reminded himself he didn't know anything about him, maybe he didn't live far away and maybe if he got to know him better he wouldn't like him that much to willing to stay in contact. However Kendall made up his mind that he'd make James his friend, he just seemed someone who he could go easy with. You know there was that feeling what comes sometimes doesn't matter how big of a chicken you are, you just know it would turn out right, so Kendall tried to believe in that feeling, for now, just now once, here was the time, when if not now? If he already felt that little push he just needed to hold onto it and pull himself up, finding his confident and believe that he can make it. So yeah, you can say he really wanted to try it.

Fate seemed to help Kendall because soon they figured that they would share a room, only the two of Kendall and James. James was nervous as much as Kendall was but James being James he was covering his feelings very well and seemed so determined, so certain and it literally scared the blond away. Despite of every determination of Kendall's, he realized he was still his chicken self and even if he felt that little push he just wasn't able to face with James huge confident. If he only knew James was the same chicken-hearted as he was it would have gone easier from the first moment.

"You were really good today. Since when you're playing?" Kendall he, even himself not knowing where he got the nerve to talk, asked James when the two of them after taking their dinners with the others, got up to their room and settled into bed to get enough rest for the next day events.

James felt something special as he heard the blonde boy flipping his words straight to him. He could feel it from the first moment when Kendall laid eyes on him, but he, as much as Kendall either, couldn't take it anywhere. He smiled and getting up his balls he said, "I've skated since I was nine or a bit younger and then somehow it's just come and now I'm playing in the school team."

"I've never seen you here. Where do you live?"

"Oh yeah, this is my first time at a hockey camp, actually. My parents are working during the entire break and since I didn't have anyone to stay at, I came up with the idea that I could come here, and they didn't protest. Anyway I'm from Wisconsin, Milwaukee to be exact. I was born there and been living there since I remember. "

"Oh that's a huge city" Kendall sighed recognizing he was right. James came from a totally different world and soon he would be going back there. He swallowed, he wanted him to be his friend but how he could be friends with someone who he wouldn't be able to see for months. "So after this you will be gone for like … till the next camp, right?"

"Dunno, yeah, probably. We should take the time and get to know each other, huh?" James snuggling into the sheets asked and was sure that he wouldn't let anyone to anything about himself but he was opened to know a few new people till it wouldn't get too far and he wouldn't get too attached to them.

"Yes, now get some sleep. I'm tired, dunno if you are but I am. Good night James", Kendall said settling underneath the blankets and falling into a deep dream.

* * *

Next morning Kendall woke up yawning and stretching his body under the comforter and turning his face towards James' bed he saw the brunette was gone. He rubbed his eyes once again then got up and quickly got dressed and was about to open the door when it hit him right into the face as James stepped in.

James rushed to help Kendall up from the floor, "oh god, sorry, I didn't know you were there. I hit you hard?" James was worried seeing that Kendall kept his grip on his nose.

"No, I'm good. I guess" Kendall mumbled not taking away his hand because he felt the blood pouring out, "gotta go now", he was about to stand up but he got dizzy and his hand falling off of his nose James saw the light trail of blood.

"Shit. I made you bleeding. I take you to the nurse" James not letting Kendall to protest handed him a tissue to hold on his nose and led him out of the room. Kendall didn't feel like challenging since he knew he should go to the nurse any way, so he just accepted James' help and they didn't even speak till they reached the nurse station.

"James, quit looking at me like this. It's just a little blood, I'm fine" Kendall said as they sat down in the office and James kept sending those worrying looks which bothered Kendall more than the door in his face a few moments ago.

James of course didn't stop worrying and walked up and down in the room till the nurse took care of Kendall, "I can't stop and I won't ever. I always do it, worrying over everything. And now I'm worried that you'd want me to move out of your room, I understand if you want it so anyways but I just want to say .. "

James couldn't finish because the nurse let Kendall go and the blond spoke up again cutting James off, "then I assure you that you're staying in my room if you promise I won't wake up everyday with a door into my nose", he was already standing behind the brunette patting his shoulder.

The nurse gave them a look smiling and wondering if James was gonna freak out so he'd need some attendance too but Kendall shook his head signaling that he'd handle it so the young woman left them there alone.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to start our friendship like this, breaking your nose" James kept apologizing and not looking up.

Kendall sighed, "it's not broken and we can always start it over. Look I'm looking better than before" Kendall joked pointing at his nose and staring at himself in the mirror next to him, "plus at least it was a quick way to wash over my morning sleepiness, ya know?"

Kendall earned a quiet laugh from James, "truth to be told you look really good."

"You look better" Kendall said didn't really realizing what he just let to slide out of his mouth. Back then it didn't mean anything, none of them took it anywhere but how Kendall's mind deepened in the memory he knew he said that because he was already amazed how good looking the brunette was, already back then he was so attractive.

James being James and being proud of his look grinned, "yeah I know right. Thanks and then we really are fine, right?"

"Yes" Kendall placing a palm on his new friend's shoulder said and with that James looked up. Their eyes met and they both smiled.

James blushing a little bit turned around and grabbed the door knob, "let's go and eat then. I'm starving" he said looking back at Kendall who followed him. They headed to the cafeteria and Kendall spoke first, "uhm anyway where were you in the morning?"

"I went for a run, you know I love to run in the morning when the air is still a bit chilly and it clears the system out, you know?" James explained.

Kendall nodded, "yes, I can imagine that but for me the trainings are tiring enough. I don't do personal work out. I was just wondering where you had been disappearing to, you know."

"Yeah that's nice from you. You were worried or what?" James giggled.

Kendall poking his finger into James' stomach, "I knew if you got lost I'll be the first one who'd be asked where you are and I didn't want to get into trouble at the very beginning of the camp because of a soon-to-be friend."

"Yeah I get that. So you wanna be friends then with me?" James raised eyebrows at Kendall and they took their place in the line of guys who were waiting for their breakfast.

Kendall swallowed knowing if they can be good friends, like real good friends it wouldn't be problem if they split apart, so he knew it was worth a try, "yes."

"Great to see that you've gotten over the fact that I'd leave as the camp ends."

Kendall shook his head in confusion, "where did you know?"

"I kinda felt the same. I got your point when you cut our talk last night so quickly", with the last word leaving James' mouth they got to the opened window where they served their meals.

Taking a free table they got seats and ate in silent and talking about hockey. They had discussed how long they had played and how far they wanted to get in it but both of them avoided talking about too personal things like about family stuff since that was a sensitive spot to Kendall as well to James too for some reason. And however they seemed to get along well and having a lot in common neither of them wanted to get too far into things which would hurt their own hearts when they decided to go to camp to have fun and to break out of their every now and then uncomfortably sad and depressing lives.

James liked Kendall, Kendall liked James, the time had flown away when they were together and they didn't even notice it. Even though it wasn't the first time Kendall spending his break at that camp, it was the best so far. He had friends, guys who had played with him but he couldn't get along so well with any of them as he could with James. He seemed to be different, understanding, caring, not like the other young teenage boys who had wanted to be the big wannabes. James had a personality, Kendall knew it after a few hours of knowing him but he also noticed that he was acting differently if others were around. Kendall noticed that certain things always had been skipped if they started a conversation, and also he was the same as his own self, he hid after a mask. The difference was that that James had a way better mask than he had and also in his weak moments Kendall could let it fall off and with that people could see in to him. Kendall kept wondering if he ever was going to see through James' mask, or if he ever would be enough for James to take it off, if the brunette would ever trust him that much that he'd show him more of his real self. Kendall wished for the better.

When they were alone in their rooms James was all nice and even sweet for a guy in their ages, and Kendall being kinda cheesy loved it, but he'd have never admitted that, not back then.

When they were out around the other guys, James was totally different. Not in a bad way, because that James was also nice, but it was something else from that what Kendall had got to see when there were only the two of them.

James was upset from the first moment, kinda regretting that he had come to the camp. He knew if he makes friends it would be hard to leave and with being only his self with Kendall made everything easier. He was anyway the kind of kid being scared of everything, mostly of getting friends. Not because he had really bad experiences but he was always afraid of losing them, so he just gathered a few close ones and didn't really care about others.

Kendall felt special that he could be a part of that tight group (because he was sure in that, he was a part of that already) who James let close enough to discover he was even more amazing as he seemed at first sight.

Kendall settled into bed and looked over at James as the first week was over and they both lied exhausted in their room wondering how the rest of the camp would be going, "why are you so quiet today?"

James snapped out of his thoughts and continued playing with a small ball in his hands, throwing it up to the ceiling and then catching it and so on, "am I quiet?"

The blonde shrugging said, "yes you are. Today even more than other days. Is there something wrong? Don't you like to be here?"

"Kendall, stop thinking that it's because I don't like to hang with you" James said sending a smile to Kendall who felt relieved hearing those words. Kendall really was scared that James didn't like him, didn't like to spend his time with him. "I'm just tired."

"Tired of playing? Couldn't you get used to it yet, during all those long years?"

James rolled his eyes, "nah, it's not exactly that kind of tiredness. Hockey is always some kind of relax for me, that's weird though, I know but it really is because then I don't think of anything but the game, that I have to do my best and everything you know? I can forget all my problems and play without thinking about tomorrows or yesterdays."

Kendall sat up half thinking he should go over to James and hug him but being unsure he just turned with full body to the brunette assuming it would be enough prove for him that he was listening to him whatever he needed to say, "you can talk to me, anytime. I know we don't know each other for that long and I see you try to avoid being close to too much people, like you wouldn't want them to ask anything or I don't know but I think I can be a good listener and since we are kind of friends, I'm just saying. Believe me when I say, I have a lot in my mind too. That's why I try to have fun all the time, get friends, which is hard because somehow it's not so easy for me either to open up but at least I'm trying to be around people so I'm not thinking about stuff, you know?" This hidden side of Kendall's was the thing helping James later, he later realized thanks to Kendall that with simply talking to someone can be the key to the resolution of your problems. Though he couldn't see it back then yet. He refused to talk, instead he quickly got over a weak moment and was always about to take the other's mind off.

James pushed himself up to his elbows, "yeah I know. That's what I'm doing too. I see you are similar as me. That's why I don't want to tell you anything. It's just, you know, I think you could perfectly understand me, and we could be so great friends but soon … " with a heavy sigh he fell back into the cuddle of the pillows on his bed.

Kendall nodded quietly, "yeah, you'd be gone in a few days."

James jumped off of the bed suddenly and stood above Kendall, "come on, let's use our time and have fun. Forget about problems and stuff, let's do what we can the best." Here it came, quick way to get over the problem instead of talking it out.

The blonde accepting James' hand sat up and they were in the door soon, "where you wanna go?"

It was almost time for bed for the guys. Outside it had gotten dark, they weren't allowed to go out after 8, since they were strangers in the city plus they were underage, nobody wanted them to get into trouble.

"Dunno. But I saw some girls winking at us during dinner, we could find them."

"Girls?" Kendall tried to catch up on the line, "where did you see girls here?"

"Where are you wearing your eyes, Knight?" James laughed, "they are from a skate team and they have a camp here as we do. We eat in the same cafeteria every day, didn't you notice them?"

Kendall was thinking for a moment. Actually he always went to hockey camp to hang with dudes and not to look for girls. Girls didn't make him too excited anyway, all of them were too bitchy and he could never see anything attractive in any of them. At school it was different because he needed to keep up his image but anyway he wasn't too interested there either. If they were around, flirting and smiling at him, he every now and then gave it back and talked to them but never felt anything special.

James was the same but since he didn't talk about too personal things with his new friend, they never discussed girls in that tight week since they'd known each other so he assumed Kendall would be interested in some adventure related to the nice girls around them. Plus he really didn't know that Kendall didn't even notice the girls around, if he knew he would have never come up with that idea because actually James didn't care about them either but knowing that every other guy buddies would do something similar he just thought it was right to bring that up.

"Oh no. As I told you before, I have a lot in my mind. I dunno, I just … when we don't speak to each other or others I'm just sitting thinking about things, you know? I didn't look really around, I didn't want you to think that I'm not paying attention to you."

"Oh, that's nice but they are here. If we have some luck they are in this campus or the next one, we should sneak out", James grabbed the doorknob but Kendall pulled him back.

"Wait, we can't just go out and start to do whatever you want with them, it's not like that. If they catch us breaking rules we maybe won't be allowed to come back."

James grabbed a tight hold on Kendall's shoulder pulling out his confident himself just to avoid the entire night being in death silent or possible more talk he just wanted to get out and Kendall to stop asking any kind of things about his life because he really didn't want to get too close to him, it would hurt too much to say good bye then, "Kendall, nobody is ever gonna catch us. We just go down to the lobby and look around. If they are here, probably a few of them is there watching TV or something like that. At least we can check them out, huh?"

Kendall once again sighed, "okay, there's nothing wrong in that, I guess", he decided to not challenge or it would be suspicious to James.

They took the elevator and once when they reached the common floor where the entertaining room was they heard loud laughter, boys and also girls. James gave a "told you so" look to Kendall as they made their way towards the noises through the hallway without speaking words but pounding hearts in their chests.

None of them desired for girls in fact but finally Kendall too realized that it can be a good chance to forget as hockey was, plus James wanted it so, it wouldn't be that bad. Before this year Kendall didn't really care about asking any girls out by himself. If a girl asked him he would go for a movie or something but nothing serious. After this night Kendall recognized that being around girls can be more of a tool to get out of the world than hanging with guys. He wasn't attracted to them but they were fine for him, after this night and after he saw how easily James handled everything which was related to girls.

James needed to handle everything easily since everyone had expected him to do so and since Kendall didn't challenge more he assumed it could be the best thing they can do.

After some flirting with a few girls and playing air hockey (what else if they already were hockey players anyway) and after the guardians came that it was about the time to go sleep for both teams they separated from their actual partners and headed up to their room again.

Stepping into the elevator they spoke again to each other. It didn't happen in at least a whole hour, although James was eyeing Kendall and Kendall was eyeing James all the time to study how they behave around the girls they didn't speak.

"That was great, really" Kendall said.

James turning to him with a smile and giving a light punch into the blonde's bicep "told you it would be. Sometimes girls can be fun. And these girls aren't those girls at school, at least not they are like in my school, I don't know about you. These were interesting and some of them even funny and hot oh yeah they are hot", James had gotten a little bit carried away with complimenting the girls but he wanted to be sure that Kendall wouldn't assume that he more liked to be around him than with any kind of girls. Since Kendall seemed having fun he booked it like Kendall liked girls as a normal teenage boy would do and it was all fine for him if they never get too close to each other. And James knew it wouldn't happen since they both would go home soon and they wouldn't see each other till summer camp.

"Yeah, sure. Let's just get into bed, I'm tired as hell" Kendall headed to their room and after they were in he just fell into bed and sleep came in the second he covered himself with the blanket.

He was lucky. James wasn't that much. He thought he could sleep easily after that day and after all the girls around but it didn't really work. At least Kendall didn't ask more and James didn't feel bad for closing Kendall out of certain things of his but he didn't feel too good either since there were a lot of things he could have told to the blonde, things what other boys would tell about themselves if they were in some kind of friendship but James just wasn't able to do it. Not now when he knew he'd just tell everything and then they'd probably never or only months later would see each other.

They had a lot fun but they both kept their distance and it had the effect on every each day of theirs.

Kendall sighed, "it was fun, even if we were just friends on the surface. I mean, well you know how I mean, now that I thought it through again, I get everything. I just should have given that push and not being a chicken to open up and with that you'd have done the same."

"It's good this way, Kendall. I told you I don't know how I would have got through everything if I knew that there was someone understanding me and then we just had to split apart, you know?"

"Yeah but, yet it would have been a bigger motivation, haven't it?"

James thinking for a moment and trying to find another way to explain Kendall how he exactly helped without even knowing it, and that it was great how it worked, he just closed his eyes for a bare second and then begtan to speak after sucking in a hard breath, "I knew I should find someone who could drag me out of my own darkness, who'd help me to trust people. You were the one who could've perfectly understood me but since I knew we probably would never meet again I didn't want to open up and tell you everything about myself because then you'd have done the same and it would have been heartbreaking to get separated after finding someone who totally gets you. It would have been hard for me and also for you but from then I knew I need to find at least a few true friends who I can talk about everything with. Before you I didn't know it's so needy. I was fine by myself. You saved me and you didn't even know it Kendall."

"Neither you nor I talked about personal things, we were both closed and with that we scared each other, I guess, right? I mean I knew you don't want to talk but if you ever asked anything I'd have told you."

"I didn't want you to do that, for the reason I said before. I saw you were similar as me, I noticed you acted different if a lot people were around and if there were only the two of us. I knew you would understand me but I didn't want us to get into pain if we never meet again."

"But with not letting each other that close I thought you didn't like me. I see that it somewhat helped you but it was rough for me, I thought you wanted to forget me after those weeks and that's why you kept your distance."

"Now you know it wasn't for that but you also know that however it happened you helped me a lot. When Logan came I could see the good in him and didn't assume that he only had bad intentions, I could open up to him and we've got to be great friends."

Kendall turned away again and stared the ceiling letting out heavy sighs, "yeah."

James again didn't know mentioning Logan can make such a big problem, "what is it again? Why do you turn away every time I start to talk about things, deeper things, when I really want you to listen to me and maybe you yourself too to talk about your things?"

"You don't even notice what you're doing every time you start to talk about 'deeper things'?" Kendall asked annoyed.

James shaking his head, "no?"

"Well, let me explain you then" Kendall sat up by the frustration totally forgetting about his injury he didn't even feel a spark of pain, "whenever we start to talk you at some point bring up Logan and you talk about him as he was a God, someone so special that no one can replace and there is that tiny smile on your fucking pretty face when it's about him and I just can't not see it, okay? That's my problem."

James gasped for air and almost burst out in laughter as Kendall's words reached his mind, "Kendall I don't know why you say that. Logan is my best friend, of course he is someone special, no one ever can replace him and I really love him because of those reasons I told you minutes ago. I told you that before I came here I've never had any real friends as he is, I thought I have but I realized I haven't actually because even if you and I wasn't really that close in that two week it was even more of a friendship than anything I had before, plus just to let you know for Logan's friendship I actually owe to you because at hockey camp you made me realize that sometimes I need to open up for the people who seem like willing to care me and if I ever knew that you and I will meet again I would have talked to you as I haven't but I couldn't open to someone who I thought I would never see again. Even if you already back then meant more than anybody in my life, I just couldn't do it. But then when I came here and we found each other with Logan and I saw he's a good guy, and I knew that he wouldn't be gone I just felt like I was ready to let him into my life if it gets sure that he is the possible best friend I have ever wanted. Logan is important but not in a romantic way, he's my best friend."

"Look James. I get you, I get everything you say about this might never see each other again, I felt the same, that was why I've never pushed you and never tried to courage you with telling my life story so maybe you'd open up. I totally get you and I've always done I just don't like it that Logan is always there" Kendall groaned and lowered back to the bed facing the ceiling and starting the sharp pain collecting in his abdomen. Being anxious didn't make it better, he knew it too but he couldn't help, James behaving frustrated him.

"I don't know anyway why you're doing such a big of a problem out of this. You're acting like I'm not trying anything. I mean I help you though you were being a jerk to me in the last couple of months. I mean I let you to kiss me so then you could see if there is only the curiousity working in you or not. I let you to do it even if I was scared to death you'd realize it's a mistake and if I don't try to talk again afterwards we wouldn't be anywhere, I try everything to assure you that I really like you and I just want to make you see that you want it too between us but you're so scared still that you come up with ridiculous excuses in the hope that I'd just give up."

James then took a little break but soon he continued, "Kendall if you never quit being so chicken sooner or later I'll get tired and even if I don't want to, I maybe will give it up, that is what you want."

Only silence. _Come on, show him you won't give up. But I need to scare him a bit. _James gathered some thoughts of his with the intention of speaking more and using this time in silence to make Kendall think that he really would give it up sometime.

But of course he was still far away from giving up so he began again, not wanting to scare Kendall away just in the very beginning that he'd be able to move on so easily.

"I opened up about things to calm you down and with that I made myself crying, for you, Kendall" he thought of his mom and tears filled his hazel eyes again, his voice got weaker too, just by the thought of his mom, "You're acting like I'm not trying to apology for the wasted time. It wasn't my fault anyway that we ended up how we did. You were the one acting all idiot around me because you thought ah whatever you thought, Knight" James ready to leave the room walked up to the door and Kendall followed him with his eyes, "but it all doesn't matter, doesn't matter what you thought, I can understand, I know I was the same idiot at some point, but if you miss the point Kendall, it doesn't matter. I can do anything and you wouldn't see how much I want it, I truly want it. You don't know, you can't see how much I'm changing in the hope that maybe then I could get closer to you again, because I feel like I'm really ready to get closer, to let you in, now I know you'd be here and there's that little thing in your eyes what keeps me believing that maybe, I say maybe you want me to be close to you. But when I look at you I also see that the bigger part of you isn't ready at all, Kendall. You imagine things that aren't exist at all, you try to build up a picture so then you shouldn't see the real thing. The real thing that you want me to be there, that you desire people to be close to you and care to you but you're so scared still that you just can't believe that they want only good for you. You're always scared that you'd get hurt, and I get that but try to understand that you'll never learn and never get experiences if you never try new things. Kendall I've learnt these things after I met you and wasn't that scared anymore to be a little bit more opened. You helped me, why do you not let me to help you too?"

Meanwhile James was speaking Kendall sat up again and stared in front of his self, down at the blue carpet under his feet and sometimes letting his eyes to wander up to James who was almost crying during his speech. James was ready to leave though but he never wanted to leave, he just wanted Kendall to see that he was ready to walk out of his life if he wanted it, if he still wasn't able to understand even if things could have been better it all doesn't matter because they reached to a point where they still can re-start everything and they still are young, they still can give a chance to each other.

"Just look where we are" James continued, "no matter what happened, the main point is that you helped me so much and I want you to see that. I want you to see that we can help each other more, together if you too start to kick that wall off around you. Just slowly, how I'm doing it. First trying to deal with everything around me, then with you, then with you smiling, then with you sweating on the ice, then with you naked in my bathroom and getting strength from all of that and push myself that if I want to know what I feel, if I want to learn something new I have to open up. You have to try it too, otherwise you'd be lost forever in a world you imagine it's kinda good just because then you wouldn't hurt anyone and you wouldn't get hurt either."

Kendall was always good at going after his head and doing things what came suddenly into his mind, without thinking things through totally. He didn't know that with him being as random as he was helped James and he didn't ever dare to think that James would see so much of him. Everything was so true, now how he listened to the brunette ranting about how important it is to open up.

He let out a quiet chuckle as he rose up off the bed and headed to James and was thinking about the way he woke up a little bit more than an hour earlier. He was determined to discover if James liked him back, he was determined that he'd show it to James how much he meant for him, he was about to tell him a few things and persuade him that it was worth a try to them to know each other and to start something together and then finally they ended up James giving a piece of his mind to Kendall.

James stood there frozen waiting for Kendall to say anything but he only heard that light chuckle escaping the blonde' mouth and soon he found himself being sandwiched between the hard wooden door and Kendall's body. Their breaths jumped between their faces on and back how they got too close again, how Kendall's eyes still full of fears but also now more of a determination of breaking out from those scares were deeply dug into James' hazel ones and searched for the answer to the never asked question.

James lifting hands up to Kendall's cheek and giving him that answer with certain and slow circling moves with the caress of his fingertips and with a quiet nod of his head, he leant in and placed his lips against Kendall's.

Yesterday morning if someone tells him that the following morning he'd kiss Kendall twice, he'd probably have thought of it as the best joke of the week but now it was all but real. He was kissing Kendall. The guy he wanted since who knows when, probably from the first moment but it took 18 months to him to realize that it wasn't that impossible as it may seemed always.

And Kendall? He just felt the safety he ever wanted. He believed in James' words, he knew James would be the person to help him to get through all of his fears. Deep inside he always knew it but he didn't want to believe it because of the way they both were closed from each other he never thought that he could mean that much to James as much as the brunette said he did. It was amazing feeling to know that James felt the same way as he did, it was the best thing on earth actually. He always wanted him to get him, he hoped he would do it and if James had ever told him earlier that he actually really did felt the exact same thing, he really did see the helping hand in Kendall then everything what's now happening, this kiss and all those awesome feelings in his stomach, the butterflies, the tickling everywhere in his veins, those things would have happened earlier.

But it didn't matter. Kendall now could see that it all didn't matter. What matter was the fact that where they were now was an amazing place to be and from then they can go along, together.


	8. Chapter 8 Making it official

**A/N:** hello.. i am really sorry that this chapter took such long time... well, i have nothing to say execpt for the usual thanks to everyone who still reads and reviews, follows, favorites, whatever, your love makes me smile, thank you for liking this fiction : )

also thank you for the worrying messages.. if i once start it i'm never going to stop it till it's not finished normally so no need to worry..

i know a lot of you liked how i was doing this alone but i decided to ask one of my favorite writers here to be my beta, so her work is also in this chapter, hopefully is going to be in the following ones as well... she is **SophieSchmidt :) thank you! really, i love you, you did amazing and thanks for taking the time and fixing this long long thing for me :) forever grateful.. everyone please go and read her fictions because she really is amazing and deserves all the love that you can give her!**

****so then it's all.. enjoy and review and follow Sophie : ) thanks for the patience!

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Chapter 8 – Making it official

* * *

"So amazing", Kendall whispered against the brunette's lips. James nodded and never left his fingertips from caressing the blonde angel's cheek.

They spent the last hour or so with their lips connected in James' bed whilst morning snuck up on them, the sun shining brightly through the window, but they didn't care; they didn't care about anything but each other. Both the young boys enjoyed these fleeting moments, wanting to cherish them before reality set in and they had to face the real world. This hour was perfect, shared only with their joined lips, light talking and a mutual feeling of slight sadness; miserable that it took so long to get to this point.

But the closer the real world got and the brighter the sun shone through the window, Kendall's nerves grew. And this was not lost on James.

"What's wrong?" The brunette asks softly.

Kendall sighed, his sweet breath caressing James' face, "School starts soon, and we should get up."

"I don't think I ever want to get up but if we must…" James yawned and leaving a last kiss on Kendall's cheek. He got up and stood next to the bed, holding out a hand for Kendall.

"I know you're nervous" James says gently, "But I'll be there, Kendall, and if you don't want to, we don't have to tell to anyone, yet. I understand if you feel uncomfortable if it's not only the two of us. I've never been with any guys like I'm with you now so I don't know how it'd feel. I always only imagined but I know, somehow I believe I can get over the bad things if you help me. I always care about people's opinion but if it's about you and I and our happiness, I don't care about anybody else's but yours. And if you accept me this way, I don't care about anything. But I can wait for you."

Kendall got his strength and pushed himself off of the bed. Standing in front of James and looking straight up into his hazel eyes with his own green ones he smiled, "You're so amazing you don't even know, do you?"

James shook his head.

"When I recognized I liked you I decided to give it a try no matter what other people will think, because I don't care about them. But I'm still scared that I'd not take it well and then it would turn out badly, you know? You could see that, although I was determined I distanced myself from a chance with you again for not believing in my heart. If you wouldn't have been here forcing us to talk, I wouldn't have gotten here where I am now. I'm still scared though, I think I always will be but I want you to be there, to never leave holding my hand again and kissing me if it's possible. I'll try but if –"

"Shh" James cut him off by connecting their lips again, "if you try that's more than enough but again, I don't want to force it. I know it's strange; it is even for me too. At least you had a girlfriend already; I haven't had any real ones yet."

"Shit" Kendall hearing the girlfriend word winced and then James realized what he just said.

"What are you going to do with Jo?"

"I don't know, break up?" Kendall asked sarcastically with a giggle on his face trying to pretend like it wouldn't be a big thing that he actually had forgotten about his girlfriend. But she hadn't looked for him either, where is she?

"Ah okay you smartass. What's she going to say?"

"Let's find it out now. I don't want her to be around me again and I can't get rid of her only if I tell her the truth. She wouldn't leave me alone."

"We can hide it for a while if you want" James again tried.

Kendall raised his eyebrow, "You sound like you're the one trying to persuade me that I don't have to be scared and we can show it but yet you keep saying that we don't have to do this if I don't want it, but what if in fact _you _are the one being scared and not wanting it?"

James stepped back, "don't start to argue now when everything is so good. I'm just saying things here and anyways where were you when I said _even _I am scared and _even _I know that it's strange and new? I said it but you didn't hear obviously" He scoffs.

Kendall lifted his palms in defense of himself, "okay, okay" he dragged James back into his arms and hugged him not caring about the pain he caused to himself. Feeling James that close was the best feeling, a feeling that could wash away the biggest pain, so he didn't mind; he didn't have a bad word in complaining that his injury ached as fuck. He instead just squeezed his teeth and hugged James tighter to show him that he was sorry and he didn't mean it.

"I'm sorry. It's just... It's coming from my own fears. I told you it can happen. I will push you back where you earlier were if you stay with me. I'm not even near to be that strong as you are and as you think I can be."

"Kendall, shut up. I told you we can work on it together. Okay?" James pulled away to see Kendall's eyes.

"Okay" the blonde answered letting James to taste his lips once again.

They soon broke apart and gathered their things for school. Before leaving James' room James wanted to hear a certain answer so he asked again, "so then what now?"

"Let's just see how things go, okay?" Kendall asked hoping to be spontaneous would be the best way. Whenever he planned to do something it never worked, now without a plan stepping into a new world was dangerous though but yet maybe the best he could do, ever.

James nodded his head and they soon walked out and made it to the kitchen where James' Dad was making breakfast.

"Hi guys, everything okay?" he asked with a smile, sliding some egg onto plates on the already set table.

James and Kendall both smiled in return, standing next to each other and hiding their clasped hands from James' father as they answered with a collective, "yes."

Mr. Diamond chuckled and tossed the apron away before taking a seat, "Let's eat then and Kendall I took the initiative to search for your Mom's number since I don't remember if you ever called her that you'd be staying here for the night. I talked to her for a little bit."

Kendall lowered on his chair, feeling his knees going weak by the sharp pain in his abdomen, "when did you call and what did you say if I can ask?"

"Last night, and I just told her that you're friends with my son and wanted to stay here, I didn't mention that we took a visit to the hospital."

Kendall sighed in relief and felt James' hand grabbing his under the table. They exchanged smiles then the blonde turning to James' Dad and offering the man a "thank you."

Christopher swallowing a mouthful of eggs, "it's okay son, now eat both of you or you'll be late for school. You two took pretty long getting up despite that you were up really early."

James blushed thinking about what they were doing in the last hour, "uh yeah, time passed by and we didn't notice but I'll drive straight to school, today I won't pick up Logan and I don't have to make a huge round in the city, so it'd be fine, I guess."

"James" Kendall asked, "Did you ever call to tell them I was okay?"

James grinned, "Maybe I forgot."

Kendall punched him in the arm and the brunette yelped in pain. "You promised them, I heard" Kendall said being kinda mad that James couldn't keep his word in such a small, trivial thing.

"I just forgot, okay? I was too busy with dealing with you in my bed all night and morning" James said louder than he wanted at first but he was pissed that Kendall made such a big problem out of nothing.

James' Dad laughed and it snapped the boys out of their anger, "What?" they asked in unison.

Christopher replenished his thirst with a sip of orange juice, and then placed the glass back onto the table before saying, "I took care of that too. First I called Logan since I had his number from you James and he asked me if I knew that you have ever called a boy named Carlos. I told him I didn't know about that so he told me that his Dad is working at the police station so if I call them they can let Carlos' Dad know that you were fine so Carlos would know it too. So everything is fine. Both of your friends know that everything is good with you Kendall."

James couldn't help but laugh at Kendall, "See? Dad took care of it. Don't freak out."

Kendall still felt unsure. That was just a little favor Logan asked and James forgot it, "okay but… it was just a little thing and you forgot… he grumbled before returning to his breakfast.

"Fine" James breathed annoyed, "be mad at me for nothing" and with that he was digging into his meal too.

Christopher's quiet laugh broke their moment again, repeating the same tone and looks as a minute before James and Kendall were raising eyebrows at Dr. Diamond, "what?"

"You guys are like an old married couple arguing over every little thing. Really funny to watch you guys, it definitely makes my day" he again drunk some juice then swallowed the last piece of his eggs and stood to his feet. He put the dishes into the dishwasher and then stood behind the guys resting a palm on each guy's shoulder and squeezing hard he said, "have a nice day boys and try to not kill each other. Kendall don't play hockey for at least two weeks, see you soon." With that he was gone and made his way to the hospital, his shift would start in an hour.

"Your Dad is really cool" Kendall said and continued to eat.

James quietly set the fork down, "Kendall?"

The blonde turned face to James, "yeah?"

"I'm sorry okay? I know this isn't exactly how you wanted us to start… And that you have to actually see how forgetful I am, but honestly it just fell out of my mind. I was so worried about you, I couldn't think of anything else. I was wishing I could hold you; wish I could say it would all be okay… I tried to ignore the effect you had on me, trying to ignore why I wanted you so badly… my head was too clouded with more important issues"

Kendall feeling touched by his words didn't say or do anything but leaned in to kiss James; their lips crushing against each others, instantly making them both forget food, thoughts and everything else. Their hands finding the other ones' hair they deepened the kiss but a sound of a horn from somewhere outside snapped them out of their intense moment, causing them to break apart but only by mere inches.

Their hands remained stroking the back of one another's neck, green eyes still staring into hazel ones and lips curving into smiles they both felt so good that it just cannot be described with words. "Forgiven" Kendall said quietly.

"Thank you" James said before pulling Kendall back in the need to feel the blonde's lips on his own again.

Soon James found out that his Mom wasn't at home when they put everything into the dishwasher and his eyes stopped on a note on the counter. She was saying she was sorry that she left early again and she left a nice amount of money for him to make up for her absence. Kendall shutting the fridge's door and turning to James he could see the sadness taking over James' face.

His eyes fell on the paper he gripped in the brunettes hand, even if Kendall didn't know what it said he noticed that James' mom was nowhere around and from the things James said a few hours ago Kendall knew what was happening. He stepped up to the brunette, wrapping his arms around his muscular yet now so weak body, he caressed circles into James' back and quietly humming that it will be all right in an effort to comfort him.

"Every fucking day. She does this every day" James cried on Kendall's shoulder and threw the money and the piece of paper back to the counter where he found it.

Kendall managed to lift up James' head and placed a kiss onto his forehead, "Remember? We'll make it through. She loves you though, she just… I don't know her so I can't say what she thinks or feels but whatever the reason is of her behaving I'm sure she doesn't want to hurt you. She loves you; don't be scared that she doesn't."

Kendall not expecting an answer but willing to distract James some way first he brushed away the brunette's tears and smiled before gently touched his lips and then said, "together, okay? Remember?"

James nodded quietly and the feeling that he finally found someone who can fulfill his heart with warmth even when he was sad. Someone who could always make him feel better, and he was way happier even if he felt terrible because he thought his Mom hated him and his dad, with Kendall it seemed easier to deal with it.

"Good" Kendall fixed James' hair and said, "Let's go to school then, together."

With a wide smile James reached down for Kendall's hand to take and they made it to James' car.

* * *

Walking through the hallways and not being exactly sure how they should do it, Kendall and James decided to only walk next to each other and not interacting any other way, even if they wished they would, they didn't hold hands but they did talk.

"Feeling okay?" James asked and they reached the blonde's locker.

Kendall let out a heavy sigh more in pain than in uncertainty, "yeah and no."

"What kind of answer is that?"

"Yeah because I'm extremely glad that you're here with me talking, more smiling at me and no because I wish I had the guts to take your hand as you want and as I do and this fucking pain in my stomach doesn't make it any better" his locker shut after he grabbed his books and they made it to James'.

James snuggled closer to Kendall on their way, as much as it was acceptable if they didn't want to show anything what was between them. So with only their forearms rubbing against one another's the brunette said, "I'm glad I make you happy just by being around, I always wished for this to happen. You and I making each other glad with only being by each others' side. And I told you I understand, do it when you're ready, and sorry for the pain. Didn't you take any painkillers?"

"I forgot, but I think I'll survive. I'm glad I can walk somehow. It hurts less than the urge that to feel your skin on mine" Kendall held out his hand as he leant against another locker next to James'.

"If you want it, do it" James reached for him and Kendall didn't pull back. Their fingers linked. It felt almost as good as the kisses felt in the morning. Of course it was way less than that, but it was an important part of their fight with themselves when it came to how to handle their feelings in public.

"Better now?" James asked smiling and letting his hand linger in Kendall's grip.

Kendall nodded his head, "much better. I've never thought holding someone's hand could feel this good. Seriously I've never felt it before."

"Me neither" James admitted, their eyes still locked, the air almost visibly vibrating between them and bunch of looks sticking on their held hands but neither of them seemed to notice or care.

* * *

Logan and Carlos met at the entrance and walked inside together. Making it first to Logan's locker they were talking calmly, but they both secretly were so excited to be in each other's company.

They couldn't wait for morning to come, even Carlos who actually didn't like to go to school. But now when he had this amazing bond forming with Logan it was way better, better than anytime even if Kendall was there as his best friend. He felt like Logan was something else, someone special who he could have more with, he hoped at least. He also took a mental note about later asking Kendall how he could handle liking James for so long and not taking a single step.

Logan was nervous about going to school, even if he ached to be around Carlos he was not sure how he will deal with the Latino's natural sweet and kindness, and he was scared because he saw that Carlos enjoyed being around him too. Logan didn't want to get too carried away in the image of Carlos enjoying himself too much though, he didn't want to start dreaming.

On their way they heard some kids whispering something about Kendall and James but they didn't hear the words clearly, since everyone knew that Carlos and Logan were their best friends the whispering voices got even quieter in the second they spotted the on-coming boys.

When Kendall and James came into Logan and Carlos' sight they understood everything. The two boys could see their friends holding hands and smiling like wild apples.

"Hm?" Carlos turned to Logan, "you think we woke up in an alternative universe where those two are a couple?"

Logan laughed at Carlos' words, "let's go and ask them what's up?"

"They look so cute. I think we shouldn't interrupt" Carlos said.

Logan shrugged, "James would deserve to be interrupted since he forgot to call me last night."

Carlos giggled, "true. Let's go then."

Once they were in front of their friends they chirped out simultaneously, "hi guys."

Both Carlos and Logan quickly shared a look being surprised that they spoke together but then eyed their friends for any response.

James and Kendall refused to let go of each other but James answered, "hi" and Kendall sent a smile to Logan and Carlos, "hey" he added.

James turned to close his locker but his hand in Kendall's never seemed wanting to be free again.

"How are you guys?" Logan wanted to know.

Kendall and James looked at one another, "we're great" Kendall said.

"Maybe you could explain a few things to us, or we should figure it out by ourselves?" Carlos said impatiently.

James and Kendall laughed, "well, we kind of are... we haven't talked about that thing yet but we talked about a lot of other things," James began and Kendall continued, "and we both realized that we were stupid forgetting how good friends we were once and also we were idiots not to see how much what we want already is not just friendship."

Carlos shot a confused looked at Logan, "told you it's an alternative universe" and then he turned back to James and Kendall, "you two never were friends. What are you guys talking about?"

James chuckled, "you didn't tell anybody as I didn't either?"

"Kinda. Wanted it to be only mine" Kendall said and James smiled hearing his words.

"Okay" Logan laughed with that cute laugh of his, Carlos just then hearing it for the first time and he already fell in love with it, "I think I side with Carlos. It cannot be the same world as I was living in yesterday. What did we miss?"

"We'll tell you guys later, now we need to go to class, I guess" Kendall said and still holding James' hand he turned to the direction of their class leaving Logan and Carlos standing there wondering.

"You sure you want it to be this way?" James asked as they headed towards their class and more eyes glued on their entwined hands. It was mostly girls who were starting to realize that the two most popular, handsome and just all round best guys at their school turned out to be playing for the other team; which was thoroughly disappointing.

Kendall as a response squeezed James' hand and never stopped walking whilst smiling at James, "yes. I know I can do it, with you by my side. I feel empty without your touch, I need you James. Everything's better if you're here with me."

Taken by surprise, James dragged Kendall in to the restroom they passed by and after the door shut Kendall found himself pushed up to the wall and before he could have noticed what James was about to do he felt the brunette kissing him softly and still so passionately.

James' palms pressed onto Kendall's chest and lips crashed against one another's roughly, both young boys letting himself get lost in the moment just right before they should keep themselves back for a length of period. After Kendall sensed what was happening, his hand slid up to James' hair, purely wanting to mess up those brunette locks he loves so much.

James in the heat didn't care about his hair, instead letting his tongue to be shoved into Kendall's mouth the way it hadn't been since they left his house and the way they both knew it easily can cause them certain problems in their pants. Kendall was first to break, being the more focused one, pulling away from their kiss.

James was disappointed at first but then recognizing where they just were going to, he just slightly licked his lips and asked, "you drive me crazy when you say things like you just did out there, you know that, right?"

"Ha" Kendall laughed, "I'm glad I have a way to seduce you anywhere anytime but now it was not the goal. Just wanted to tell you how much I love that you're here for me from now on. You will be here, right?"

"Don't ever try to think that I won't" James pecked the blonde's lips again, "as Logan and Carlos asked about the thing between us, you know I wondered what should we call it?"

"There is a word for that" Kendall giggled.

"There are a lot of words" James said, "but I guess, uhm you sure you want it, then there is no turning back? If we say it out from then it'll be different. Everything."

"I want it, only this one thing I want. Told you, everything's better with you. I need you."

"You say that like everything wasn't all right with you before me."

"Nothing was all right till now. It seemed fine. I loved my life, certain parts of it. When I wasn't at home thinking about my dad or stuff, future and you know, things. But now it all seems even better and the darker things seem lighter."

"Don't do it again" James laughed caressing Kendall's face.

"I don't do it on purpose, sorry. I just want you to know everything."

"Don't be sorry. That's what I love about you. You're honest and without even trying, you make me laugh and make me happy and I believe that I can be someone special for someone else and that's a great feeling. And you give me this feeling with your words not even noticing what kind of effect you have on me. And it's something amazing."

Kendall being touched felt like he could melt into the wall behind him, "I mean it, everything I say I mean it James. I hope we'll get out of here, without heartache."

"We'll do our best, I know" James giving a last quick kiss to Kendall said then sighed and pulled back letting Kendall to catch some breath, "now gotta get to class or we'll get grounded."

Kendall grabbed James' offered hand and they walked out whilst he said, "you know now that you mention it, that would be fun."

Reaching their class Kendall and James walked in smiling but found their way being cut by Logan and Carlos, "you better not come in now."

The blonde laughed, "what? Carlos let me in."

"Believe me you don't want to come in" Logan said and Carlos nodded in agreement. Meanwhile Kendall was trying to persuade them to move away James could peek over Logan's shoulder and saw what was going on.

"Guys, you can't stop him, its better if he knows it sooner, they are over now anyway. At least they will be soon" James said.

"James it's not only that" Logan said, "but anyways you're right" he stepped aside and the sight what came into view surprised Kendall but didn't cause too much of a pain, instead it caused disappointment. But a second later he was the one feeling guiltily since he was doing the same thing with James since the morning. Cheated on Jo and now he witnessed Jo cheating on him.

Kendall made it to Jo after getting an encouraging look and a strong squeeze on his hand from James, chuckling he stood next to the kissing Jett and Jo, "can you drop it for a second?" he asked and they did as they were told.

"Hi Kendall" Jo stated and got off of Jett's lap.

"Hi. Do you want to tell me something?" Kendall asked.

Jo with a stupid grin on her face answered, "I'm not the only one here who should say something but from those things I've learnt about you while we were together I know you won't say anything. You're a chicken Kendall, even if you play the big boy out on the ice and usually everywhere else, you're a fucked up chicken if it comes to certain things."

James was right behind Kendall as the words were spoken and everyone in the class went silent waiting for Kendall's respond.

"You act like you care anyway, when the only thing you care about is to get into my bed; the sooner the better. And since I didn't give it to you that easily how you imagined you come up making out with him" he pointed at Jett who was annoyed by the tone Kendall addressed to him and wanted to stand up but Kendall shot him a look, "you stay out of it or I punch you, bastard" with that Jett backed off and left it for Jo.

James backed off too, leaving Kendall to handle the situation knowing him well enough to know that he wouldn't want to seem weak and would want to prove that he can deal with it. Even if after the action he'd break down what everyone thinks of him now, what Jo said to them and things like that, James knew if he does break down he would be there to hold him.

"And you? Whenever I kissed you or took your hand there was that idiot curve of your lips, like you were disgusted by me and then I come to school for you and James holding hands and sending sweet smiles to each other like there's no a world around you two but you and him?"

Whatever she said to their classmates now they got a hint if they didn't take it before but Kendall actually didn't care, he wanted him and Jo to be over so Jo can sleep around again with anyone who she wants and he can build his things with James, "yeah, I'm sorry for that. I should have held myself back till I fixed certain things with you but since I didn't see you yesterday either, I assume you've cheated earlier so there's no place for you to throw some little things into my face, little things like some public hand holding with someone else."

Jo turned her look away and with that proved Kendall right. She skipped school to fool around with Jett and she couldn't deny that when Kendall already found it out, "right. Then forget it. We're over then, we didn't have anything."

"Oh? You want to get over it so soon? It is okay for you but for me? How the fuck should I get through it huh? You made a total idiot about me in front of the class. I don't even have to look around to know that they all lay eyes on me like I was some circus freak. First they could see you with him, with that you made me look like someone who can be so easily cheated, then you suspect me with cheating and tell the entire world that I didn't have a fucking thing with you but I have a thing with the most amazing boy in this fucking planet? And you make me look like it would be bad, like a guy to like another guy would be bad, when it's not. It's just your stupid mind and the feeling bugging you inside that he can get all of that what you'll never have from me. So now, we are over when I told you that I fucking don't care what you said and what you think, or what anybody else thinks" at that point he led his eyes over the class, "I'm still me and I'm proud of it, okay? I like James, I like him a lot, more than I ever liked anyone and I'm not scared anymore to tell that to the world, no matter what you think."

Jo sat down not caring at all what Kendall said but looking around again Kendall saw that everyone else did care what he said. Surprisingly there weren't weird looks but wondering ones, but hopefully those would go away soon so Kendall didn't take it on heart.

Instead he turned to James who gave him a light smile and squeeze to his hand what immediately made Kendall feeling better.

Their teacher came in and asked everyone to take seats and everyone did as they were told. James next to Logan and Kendall next to Carlos even if the two young soon to be lovers already missed each others' touch.

The class went by calmly, Kendall was distracted and he didn't have time to think, so was James but after the class was over and James went up to Kendall and helped him to get his stuff into his backpack he could see that the blonde was not all right. Even if he seemed fine with everything just happened, it was not all right at all. This was the thing Kendall spoke about earlier. Kendall always could make everyone believe that he was fine with everything happening because even he himself forced himself to believe it.

They didn't speak with words but exchanged several looks till they reached the same restroom where they talked before period.

Kendall found himself leaning against a sink, James letting go of one of their linked hands bent above him and kissed the top of his head, "I'm sorry that you felt like you're forced to tell everyone."

Kendall snuggled deep into James' chest, "don't be, it's okay. How I said I don't care what anyone thinks and how I saw they were only wondering how it can be possible when I was always known as someone who's into girls. I think it's just a bit all of a sudden for some people, as much as it is for me too."

"Not only for you, it's sudden for me too. I always wondered how it'd be like but I never thought it would happen from one day to another, I wanted it to be like this but I never really thought through what it exactly would be like" James said and kept caressing Kendall's back, "together, remember?"

"Yes" Kendall answered and looked up catching James' lips in a moment he didn't wait it and they shared a light kiss, "and thank you" Kendall said when they parted but they stayed still close, Kendall's arms wrapped around James' waist and James' palms still resting on Kendall's back, "for not letting me to do it alone. You know me so well."

"You're welcome. I knew you'd want to show that you can do it alone, that you're nothing from that what she said. You are maybe scared but that only gives you a kind of strength what you can use to turn the situation to your side. And that's great."

"You must know that, you do the same. With your confidence above everything you seem so strong no one dares to argue with you. I learnt everything from you. I'm a far away though to be that good as you are because you never break down, barely at least" he remembered the morning scene when they were alone in the kitchen, "and I still have to learn how to do it."

"You don't have to seem always confident and strong. Otherwise people would think you're not human, they'd be scared of talking to you, to build something with you, they would think you'd always win over them, you'd end up lonely as I am, as I was before I knew you" James said again kissing Kendall ever so softly on the lips and gave him the safety and support he needed.

Kendall sighed after pulling away, "how did I get so lucky to have you? And have you like me, and only me, in return?"

"I ask the same since you first kissed me. I still can't believe it" James smiled and blushed awkwardly, "I really like the thought though."

Kendall rising up from the sink tightened his grip around James' waist and rubbing their noses against one another's he asked, "Let's make it official then?"

"I couldn't even begin to tell you how happy that would make me" James' smile grew bigger and they again met in a kiss.

What both Kendall and James found incredibly amazing in their kisses was that every single one was different. They were similar though since the same spark vibrated between them, the same spark what kept that tickling feeling running through their entire bodies every time they were connected in a kiss, but somehow every time they discovered new feelings too.

This time it was slow and loving and just the right one what can make you feel that you're not alone in the world and that the other one kissing you would be always there for you to support you, and also that you're loved.

Soon they separated again, "amazing, as always" Kendall smiled and welcomed with the most pleasure James' hand on his cheek as he lifted it up to caress the pale skin of Kendall's.

Kendall had never thought he would find a kiss so amazing. He knew now it was that something he always looked for every time he kissed a girl, he just didn't know exactly that he was looking for it on a totally wrong area. "Let's get out here" he said and checked his look in the mirror to see if there was any hint on his face which would tell the others that he had nearly cried.

James did the same as he always did when a mirror was around, both seeing that everything was fine they turned on their heels and left the restroom.

They made it to their next class holding hands on the way and loving the feeling that nobody ever said a word, "see? Only Jo made a big deal out of it. Everybody else has normal minds" James stated and searched on Kendall's face for any answer. He saw some kind of relief but he also saw it was still hard for him to deal with all of this.

"Yeah, that's good" Kendall said and they reached their terminal point. They saw that Logan took seat in front of the desk where Kendall and Carlos usually sat. James and Kendall made it to their friends, Kendall of course sat next to Carlos, James was on Logan's side.

"Where did you guys disappear to?" Logan questioned raising eyebrows.

Kendall and James smiling at each other gave themselves the nerve and finally Kendall spoke, "we made it official. James and I are a couple now."

Carlos' smile was incredibly huge, "I'm so glad for you two!" he pulled Kendall in for a hug, Logan blinked at James then he as well brought his best friend into a close embrace.

As the best friends broke apart James and Kendall's hand found each other on the top of the table. Their tight eye-lock didn't seem to cut anytime soon so Logan broke their moment, "and now would you please tell us what the hell happened since yesterday? What does that mean that you guys were friends and how it became so clear so quickly that you guys like each other?"

"Well" Kendall laughed looking away from James' eyes for a few second till he spoke to Logan, "there are a few things we haven't told you guys," checking Carlos' face and seeing the confusion on it Kendall continued, "you both know that we were in the same hockey camp when we first met, right?" the two nodded and from then James continued.

"We were friends there, shared a room, played in the same team and talked a lot, and snuck out to have fun with girls. We both were scared though that we wouldn't meet again so instead of building our friendship more we pushed each other away. We enjoyed the time together though but you know there was the fear what never let us calm and we tried to not get too close otherwise it would have hurt more when we had to say good bye."

"I get that James" Logan said, "but I don't get it when you came here and discovered Kendall is in this school too, why didn't you guys make up and become the best buddies again? Why was all the teasing and stuff needed?"

Kendall answered, "when I first saw him with you Logan, laughing and having a great time he barely had with me in the last couple of days in the camp, I somehow figured he acted so cold with me because he thought I was boring or whatever, thought he didn't like me at all. He was here from one day, he didn't know you and he laughed so freely like there was no tomorrow, like he seriously barely did laugh with me. I watched him for a while trying to avoid him noticing me and I saw how different he was. He was still the James I got to know, always the confident and strong one but then he seemed even stronger because he even let people to be around him as well. He didn't really do that earlier. He had fun but he kept the distance. The first week he was here I just kept watching him and saw him around girls and stuff. In that year the hockey season started a little bit later since our coach was ill and we didn't meet on the ice only on the second week. I didn't know how to talk to him. He was different. I thought he was. Now I know he was the same and I was the chicken who I always was, he's the same but stronger and better and more amazing than ever."

The memory figured itself in front of both James and Kendall's eyes.

James was already warming himself up with a few other guys on the ice when he stopped for a moment to catch some air and spotted someone coming closer to their group, someone who seemed familiar, who had this whenever recognizable walk on those skinny legs of his and James couldn't believe his eyes.

He was so scared of never seeing him again or not seeing him for ages and there he was, Kendall Knight, closing the distance between them. James was scared, words stuck in his throat and his palms sweated even in the cold of the rink, he tried to gather any meaningful sentence in his mind which would be good enough to greet his friend.

But Kendall didn't let him talk first. He was the same bossy as always and took the first word loudly and with so much certainty in his voice what he always had, what he always used to get everyone's attention on him.

"Who's the new kid?" he asked like he didn't know and with that James was surprised. He wondered, Kendall forgot him already or just wanted to pretend like he didn't know him because even if they somewhat went along well during the camp he didn't like him at all, he was just playing to get through the camp without being sent home for making problems with his roommate.

James then decided he wouldn't tell anyone he knew Kendall. If he wanted to deny it then fine, James will do the same. He didn't like him that much anyway. At least he tried to make himself believe that he didn't. This way he figured it could be easier to get through the pain what Kendall just now caused by simply denying him.

James picking up all of his well known confidence skated closer to the blonde and held out a hand, "James Diamond" his high and strong voice echoed in the rink.

Kendall sensed the coldness and again his image about this new James got stronger and the other picture he had in his mind about the old James he knew in camp started to get foggier. James' eyes didn't mirror any kind of hurt or interest, nothing but the determination what's fire always burned there behind the hazel cover.

Kendall took it like James didn't care how Kendall behaved, _probably he forgot me now when he has all of those new friends and girls around._

James did care though but he covered everything behind the wall he'd built up during all the years. If Kendall forgot him, he'll forget Kendall, too.

"Since when are you playing Diamond? You don't seem all that muscular for someone who's played for years" Kendall started off and placed his helmet onto his head. Of course James had perfect body build for playing hockey but Kendall wanted to hear him talk and he simply didn't know what to say. His uninterested look and the sure voice the brunette used scared Kendall. Best way to defend yourself if you attack even if you don't have a real reason to.

"To be honest you don't look like a pro either" James shouted back and they started to play one-on-one the other guys skated aside sensing the tension between the two young boys.

They came off with a tie because their coach arrived and stopped their fight but they continued wherever they could, without sticks and pucks but with words.

Then everything went like that. They pretending like they didn't know each other, Kendall teasing James for his unique way of playing and James giving everything back to Kendall as his own abilities made it possible.

"Then somehow I realized I like you" James said, "I stared at you all the time paying enough attention for you to never catch me and after Logan discovered it, it was even harder to get through it. I somehow assumed you'd never like me."

Logan spoke, "that's true, he always came up like 'I'm sure he's straight. He has got to be, he's way too good to not be the person what everyone expects him to be' and see? I told you he can like you, that you can be good enough for him."

"I told Kendall the same" Carlos said looking at James, "after he discovered he liked you and when he finally got the nerve to tell me, I kept telling him that he should just ask you and then it would be over, this way or another."

"I assume finally this happened, right?" Logan asked, "you two got to talk?"

"Yeah, pretty much" James said, "continued teasing instead. And I couldn't handle it. And Kendall saw it and then he attacked me with a kiss and then we got scared, we almost gave up but then I was the one taking the next step and stood up saying we need to talk. That was when we talked about our feelings for each other, then we got it fixed and since then it's all great. It's actually the best that could happen to me, I don't know about Kendall."

"You don't know my ass! Of course you know that's the best that's happened to me too," Kendall rose up and leant in to give a quick peck on James' lips. Logan and Carlos both smiled ear to ear to see them finally finding each other and they only wished they could get to this part too. They knew Kendall and James could solve everything with talking it out, they should do the same but also they were so unsure. They only got to know each other a little bit yesterday. It wasn't too much to build on.

But then both Carlos and Logan thought of the same thing. It took James and Kendall too a long time to see what they had for each other because they thought they didn't have any serious thing to base their relationship on, could it be friendship or more, they thought it was the state. What if Carlos and Logan would waste that much time as well? Instead they just should ask the other one if they were interested in something like dating together and what's the alternative? A negative answer. They can get through that. But if they give their hopes up and then they fall? That would be worse than anything. They just should ask and then do what they have to.

Logan being Logan a little bit was scared though but Carlos barely scared of a few things, like from spiders and from the dark sometimes. Yes he had this fear, even if he was 17, he just didn't feel good in the dark and he hated those huge spiders sometimes coming out of nowhere.

Asking something from someone wasn't in the fears list so he already opened his mouth to ask Logan if they could talk after classes when a curly haired girl showed up next to their desk and said, "hi Logan."

Logan jumped up immediately, "Camille" he blushed a little bit and shoved his hands into his back pockets.

"I'm sorry to interrupt you all, but we agreed on a date last week and I promised you we would recover it since I cancelled in the last moment. So I thought I would ask you again when it would be okay for you."

Logan took a quick second to look down at James who just grinned and lifted his eyebrows in perplexity so Logan spoke getting his courage up, "oh uh Friday again?"

"That's great. Promise this time nothing will intervene" she said with a sweet smile and with a wave of her hand she left the guys there.

Logan fell to the chair; James needed to put a hand on to his back to save him from falling off of it when he hit the wood underneath himself.

Carlos sighed in disappointment. _He's dating the most popular girl in the school._ He wished he could have told Kendall already that he liked this Logan guy but since yesterday's happenings they didn't spend any time alone he couldn't do it yet. Then Kendall now would understand what that sad expression on his face was, now he could drag him aside and tell him that it didn't mean anything because he too was dating girls before and now he ended up with James.

Carlos was kinda proud of himself that all of those thoughts came into his mind without actually being spoken by anybody but it wasn't enough. Even if he knew it really didn't mean anything, even if he knew Kendall would say the exact same words as he thought he would, nothing helped. Carlos was sad. If this Camille girl gets under Logan's spell Carlos has no chance anymore.

"I never knew you were dating her" Kendall said to break the silence which he didn't understand why it fell onto them.

Logan sighed, "uh I never did. It was random that she asked me out and last week we would have had a date but she cancelled because of some family emergency."

"And now she asked you again" James patted his shoulder, "that's great, means that she cares about you, really, dude its great, isn't it?"

Logan shot a look at James. James knew right that Logan liked Carlos and he'd rather have a date with him instead of any girls and yet he pushed him towards Camille. James just wanted to be a good friend though. He wanted Logan to get the brave and tell Camille he'd prefer to be with someone else instead.

"If it isn't great, that means you're not interested in Camille, are you?"

"James shut up" Logan raised his voice surprising everyone. He barely did that. "I'm just scared. I don't know how to even talk to her. She's the most popular girl here. She must've got serious expectations or whatever."

His tactic worked really well. Carlos fell for every word of his. It wasn't hard though for Logan to make it seem like he was scared, since he was really scared but for a different reason. He knew he didn't like Camille at all and he'd like to tell it to her soon, but he didn't know if he could handle the consequences. Then everyone would know he didn't like girls at all if he denies Camille.

"We'll help you then. I know a lot about girls. How to handle them" Kendall said and with that earned a weird look from James, "what? You know I dated girls, I know how to deal with them. I can't and won't ever forget that because I can take advantage on it anytime, like now. Logan needs some advice, I guess, right Logan?"

"Yes" Logan quaked.

"Great" Kendall replied, "later I'll tell you a few things then."

Carlos now again wished Kendall would know about his thing for Logan, then he would probably not want to help Logan instead he would help him to do something.

He wanted to ask him to get out for a minute so he could tell him a few things but the bell rang and their teacher immediately was in the class.

Kendall now that James needed to turn with his back to him found the time to check on Carlos and saw the sadness on his face, "you okay?" he mouthed and Carlos tilted his head murmuring "don't know" but then he didn't say any more word.

The blonde decided whatever made Carlos upset on such a beautiful day as it's today, he'd figure it out and would help his friend as he helped him always.

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**So there.. i hope you liked and of course there is more... **


	9. Chapter 9 - No wasting time

**A/N**:** hi.. despite that this chapter has not been beta-d i put it up.. why? you can ask.. answer is very simple: i don't want anyone to wait anymore.. and also there is not much happening in this chapter and it's shorter than usual so why not? i will fix the mistakes later i think.. let me know if i did something very wrong.. lol i don't really have anything to say but a huge thanks to everyone that is still reading this fic and even reviews, i love you guys! :) **

**so here is chap 9, here starts Cargan... enjoy!**

**p.s: next chapter will be probably longer and will contain some more interesting things.. i just need time to write because besides my other fictions i have school and i will have some rough tests next week and school events that i already hate in advance and blah blah blah.. lol nobody cares.. enjoy! love, xo...**

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Chapter – 9 - No wasting time

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"Carlos!" Kendall shouted after his best friend when that just stood up without a word after their class ended and left the room.

Kendall shot a look at James asking for permission to go. "Just go!" James said, so Kendall grabbed his bag and headed after the short Latino.

He caught up on him at the entrance of the school. "Where are you goin'?" The blonde could hardly keep up with the almost running Carlos.

"Just to get some fresh air." Carlos' mind was full of pictures about Logan and Camille being on a date and being all sweet and kissing and holding hands and he wanted to get rid of those thoughts.

"Hey..what's wrong?" Kendall gripped his arm and stopped him in the walking. His friend shook his head and stared at the ground. Breaking out of his hold Carlos said to Kendall, "nothing. I am just tired."

"Oh come on. I'm your best friend. I won't believe that crap. You look exactly like this whenever you are having heart problems. That little heart of yours has gotten hurt? Who did it? Tell me and I take care of them." Kendall encouraged his friend.

Carlos just kept shaking his head.

He didn't know how Kendall could open up about his feelings for James earlier, it was very tough for him now. Another reason to admire Kendall. He always thought that he was weak and vulnerable, when in fact Kendall was one of the strongest people that Carlos ever met.

Just Kendall was too idiot to notice his own strength and take advantage on it, and gather confidence from it.

Kendall saddened. Why he couldn't make Carlos speak? "Don't you trust me?" he asked quietly and bending his head.

Though Carlos wished he could tell it to Kendall he was not able to do it. An hour ago he just wanted to drag his friend away and pour his heart out but that was only because he was heated by the sudden realization of possibly losing the chance with Logan. But now all the heat turned into fear.

"It's nothing like that, you know that well. It's just so hard to talk about it." Carlos said. As the words left his mouth he spotted Logan and James approaching them. His eyes fell on Logan's perfect walk, the shy smile he wore on his face, all of him just was so beautiful of a sight for Carlos.

He didn't notice that he was staring.

But Kendall's eyes caught the moment. He quickly pulled him away before the other two could have reached them.

"You have something with Logan?"

"NO!" Carlos replied fast but inside he was screaming "YES".

"Then with James? I will kill him .. "

"No!" Carlos laughing pulled back the already wanting to run after James Kendall. "Logan.." Carlos sighed.

"Oh, Carlos, forgive me. Damn.. I have been so deeply in my own world that I actually did not even notice it. Since when do you like him? Oh my God, and I offered him help with Camille in front of you.. fuck.. I am sorry.." Kendall was speaking so fast that Carlos could hardly follow him.

He was almost laughing again when he put his hands onto Kendall's shoulder and shook him, "hey chill dude. It's all right. I don't know if I could have talked about it. I mean… I still can not. I don't really know him, but I want to know him better and that little time we have spent together was very nice. He is funny and smart and handsome and ah.. just everything that I would like to know more, every little part of him." Carlos said daydreaming about just walking up to Logan like it was the most natural thing to do and put his arms around him and kiss him and he already could feel that comforting feeling that the entire situation would cause.

"Mm, I must find out something else then.. we need to ruin that date with Camille, so Logan won't come out as idiot. I bet he's scared to death from that, but if we … " Kendall began to make plans but Carlos cut him off.

"No, Kendall. We won't ruin anything. It'll happen how it's meant to be. Who knows if they indeed like each other and this is a great chance for them?"

"Did you see Logan's expression?" Kendall shook his head. "I bet he is so scared because in fact he doesn't want it."

"No, Kendall, that's stupid. Who wouldn't want to have a chance with Camille?"

"Uh, me, James, you.. should I continue?"

"That has no sense at all, we don't know what's up with him."

"So then? I didn't know it with James either…and he didn't know it with me .. so? You must find out. You have the same chances as Camille does or anybody else."

"I don't know Kendall, I really don't. I am scared of all of this. I don't even understand how you are doing it."

"Remember that it took a very long time for me to accept it, too, but when someone comes into your life and shows you how amazing it is then you are not scared of anything from then. You just need some encouragement from him, too, or if not from him … "

"No, I don't want anyone else. I want to try it with him, only him. If it wouldn't be okay with him then it wouldn't be with anyone else." Carlos said and smiling looked over at Logan again.

"Okay." Kendall said and grabbed Carlos.

Carlos started to panic, "what? what is okay? Kendall..!" he kept quaking but Kendall did not stop until they reached James and Logan.

Then he let go of Carlos and stood beside James who pressed a light kiss onto his lips. Logan blushed seeing them and to avoid the sight he turned away and then met Carlos' scared face. "Are you all right?" he asked.

"Ye…yes." Carlos mumbled as kind of an answer. "Are you?"

"Uh-yes.. why would I not be?" Logan asked. He was still terrified by the thought of dating Camille or screwing it up and the entire school would laugh at him. Plus Carlos being around never helped. He was just too great to believe that he would be interested in a nerd like he was. Logan didn't know if it was worth it to throw a chance away with Camille for a never certain chance with Carlos. Part of him wanted to say yes, yes everything would be worth it for Carlos, but was he worthy enough for Carlos? Nobody knew. Logan for sure did not. But there was Camille and she wanted a date and probably that meant she liked him. There weren't many girls that would have said it out like that. And though Logan was more interested in boys, mainly in Carlos, it warmed his heart that such an amazing girl like Camille wanted to try something with him.

So all the confusion and the too much over-thinking of simple things caused Logan a little headache. That's why he couldn't decide if he was fine at the moment or not, and his answer did not convince Carlos about his well being.

While Kendall and James were softly kissing Carlos was cursing at himself. _Why the fuck are you doing this Kendall? What's your plan? Urgh…_

He was so angry that his face turned red and that caught Logan's attention again. "Are you sure you are okay, Carlos?"

"Yes- yes. Just look at them.. oh dear Lord.." he turned on his heels but Logan went after him.

"What are you doing baby?" James asked Kendall when the two took off.

Kendall grinned pulling away a bit but remaining in James' personal zone, touching him and being as close as possible without their lips being in contact. "Kissing you. Do you not like it?"

James laughed, "I love it. Next joke, please. Just don't understand what's going on with Carlos. You pulled him farther when we came closer, why? What were you talking about?"

"I just now realized that Carlos likes Logan, that way!" Kendall emphasized that last half of the sentence. James' eyes widened.

"We gotta get them together. Logan is crazy for Carlos." James said and was about to get out of Kendall's arms.

Kendall kept him close so he couldn't escape, "they must be alone more so Carlos will see that he doesn't have to be afraid of taking steps. Let's just leave them alone for now."

"Oh.. okay. Then back to our previous activity?" James winked and Kendall was on his lips in the next second.

After the two other boys were out of earshot from Kendall and James, Logan asked, "do you not like seeing them like that? Aren't you happy for them?"

"Oh, no, it's not like that!" Carlos quickly clarified the situation. "You know how much I wanted Kendall to open his heart and let that happen what must've happened." he laughed. "I am very happy for them, they look great together. It's just the feeling that …. They are there for each other from now and I have no one .. not like that."

"Oh.." Logan sighed. They walked back to the building and stopped at one of the windows. Carlos sat up onto the ledge leaning against the glass he patted the spot next to him. Logan would exactly fit in there, he knew.

Logan grinned. He never would sit up there. It's fully against the rules.

"Oh come on!" Carlos reached out and pulled on Mitchell who ended up in between Carlos' legs, their faces close to one another's, they even felt each other's breath. "Damn.." Carlos backed off even more digging himself into the window and Logan withdrawing grew the distance, too. "I'm sorry."

"It-it's okay." Logan mumbled and looked around if anybody could see them. There was no one on the hallways. Everybody was still outside; the break was nowhere near to the end yet.

"Are you scared that Kendall is going to neglect you and your friendship?" Logan asked out of nowhere because he just didn't want to leave there Carlos when he obviously was upset about something, but didn't want to hold up this awkward silence either that fell on them since they almost kissed.

Carlos was wondering where Logan got the courage to talk. He would have assumed that he was going to run away after what he did, but he stayed. _You stayed because you see that I'm not okay. Aww.. now how not to fall for you? Oh Logan._

"Yeah, kind of… besides some other things.."

"I'm afraid of that, too. I mean losing James.." Logan said and then decided to sit up next to Carlos. He didn't know what moved him, he didn't know why he wanted it, but he just wanted to be near to him again and wanted to assure Carlos that the previously happened thing didn't cause more embarrassment than the normal. Though it did, but not because it felt totally wrong for Logan, but because he loved it, and because he didn't know what Carlos thought about it.

"I think if Kendall or James was here now, they would slap both of us and say, "don't you ever think that. I've had so much with you that I won't ever forget and that I will be forever grateful for. Can come anyone or anything but you'll be my friend for ever." Or something like that." Carlos laughed and Logan joined.

"Yeah exactly." Logan giggled. "So then forget that. The other things are?"

Carlos remained silent but then feeling Logan's curious and caring eyes on himself he began. "That thing I said earlier… I want to have it, too… I think I am jealous? I don't know… I feel miserable."

"Nah, don't say that." Logan said and driven with a sudden movement he took Carlos' hand. "I'm jealous, too, if you want me to be honest." Neither of them felt awkward holding hands. It felt comforting and they didn't bother to look around this time. They didn't care if anyone saw them. They were like James and Kendall before classes. Just a little connection between them and the world disappeared around them. There was nothing more but them and their comfortable talk, and the eye-contact they shared, and their hands linked together, as they were sitting in the window.

"You might have that soon.." Carlos said thinking about Logan's upcoming date with Camille.

Logan's heavy sigh implied something weird. "Do you not even want that date? James was right? Are you not interested?"

Logan didn't say anything but looked down at their hands.

"The other thing is .. " Carlos saw the moment was perfect to let Logan have an insight to his mind. He needed to find out what Logan felt, as Kendall said it was the only way to get further. Just like when he suggested him to make a move with James, now he needed to do it with Logan so after all it would all be over this way or another – but his soul could calm down knowing a certain answer to all of his questions.

As Carlos started to speak Logan looked up again making it hard for Carlos to continue but he finally went on. "I have a kind of thing … eh.. for someone.. that is going to date with someone else…. So now I don't know what I should do… should tell them that I like …. That I would like to have a chance, too, or should I let them doing their thing and see if they work together so then if they are fine I wouldn't cause any problems."

"Do you think the person you like has got something for that other one?" Logan was curious.

Carlos shrugged and remembered the day when they went home together and Logan was about to tell Carlos that he had a crush on someone. But he never finished that sentence. Could it be Camille? "I don't know, Logan… I am confused… this person acts weird if it comes to that date … and I just don't know.."

Logan was not stupid. He could read Carlos words. "Is this person not a girl, right? That's what scares you even more?"

"Yeah." Carlos said blushing. "I know how much I support Kendall and James and still I feel so weird feeling this for another boy… but it's the truth.. and the worst is I don't know if this boy would be interested in guys at all… I don't know anything.. really.."

"Do I know him?"

Carlos grinned shyly.

"So then I might be able to say if he would be interested."

"You do know him." Carlos said turning away. Now it was too much to take.

Logan opened his mouth to ask again but the bell called for the next class' start and suddenly everyone was in the building again. There was the crowd, the noises and the curious eyes and though Logan's voice cracked they didn't move. They stayed there.

The question was there on Logan's tongue, he wanted to know it. It was too obvious. _It can be even me._ He was wondering. _Should I ask first James? Maybe Kendall told him something about this boy that Carlos likes._

Carlos slowly pulled out his hand from Logan's and got off the window. "Look, Logan…please don't tell anyone that I told you this…"

"You don't even have to ask, but you didn't say anything that … " Logan started his answer but Kendall and James interrupted the two boys. Kendall's arm wrapped around Carlos' and James was right next to Logan in the window. "What are ya guys doing?" he asked patting Logan's thigh.

Logan turned to him and shot an annoyed look. It really was not the best moment. He almost had enough courage to ask Carlos more, and he knew that Carlos would have answered. This moment before the bell was just too perfect and too intimate, he would have told it. _Damn it Logan, why did you not ask him till you had a chance? _

"Nothing." Logan said to James then turned to Kendall and Carlos. "We were just wondering if from now on that you guys are together, whether we are still going to be the same important or slowly you'll forget about us?"

Logan always had this fear anyways, and he was kind of glad that Carlos felt the same for Kendall – he was not alone with his childish jealousy. He never had many friends and he appreciated each and every one of them. With James in the past years he could form an amazing friendship and he was seriously frightened that James would not want his company anymore now that he had Kendall, or anyways if he had anybody else.

He could feel Carlos' eyes falling on him. They agreed that they won't tell this fear of theirs to the other two, but Logan knew well enough that Carlos wanted to hear a certain statement from Kendall that he won't forget him, as much as Logan wanted one from James.

And since he was not ready yet to continue his thoughts about Carlos and himself, he just threw this topic away knowing it a little bit would turn their conversation toward another way.

With his question Logan immediately earned a huge punch from James' elbow into his stomach. "Are you kidding, right?" the words followed the action and James seemed pissed.

"No." Logan shook his head and caressed his abdomen where he got hit – though it wasn't that serious anyways.

James looked up at Kendall whose eyes were locked on Carlos. The Latino was looking down at the ground, in his mind with not only the fear of losing Kendall, but with the fear of not having the courage in his life to tell Logan that he liked him.

"Carlos?" Kendall tried to get his look up at himself.

"Yeah?"

"Look at me, please." Kendall politely commanded. Carlos did as he was told. "Have you ever thought of the same thing?"

"Yeah." Carlos answered.

"Guys." James started, "why on earth would we throw away our best friends?"

"I don't know." Logan said. And looking at Carlos again James saw that he was shaking his head agreeing with Logan.

Kendall continued then, "friends are the same important as love. If any of you guys would ever fall for someone and started dating, we wouldn't assume that you guys would leave us, because we know that friends are amongst the most important things in your lives, too. So, please don't ever think about it again. We'll be here always for each other, whatever happens we would never forget how much you guys have done for us, how much we have been through together. Boyfriends or not boyfriends that it is."

Carlos didn't say a word but snuggled up to Kendall and hugged him tightly. James questioningly stared at Logan who after all pulled his best friend in, too, and they shared a friendly hug as well. "Idiot." James even said this to Logan's ear. "I know." Logan answered giggling.

After they all pulled apart Carlos grinned at Logan. "They didn't slap us." Logan said laughing and Carlos joined.

"What?" Kendall asked raising his eyebrows.

"Nothing." Logan and Carlos replied in unison, and Logan got off the window grabbing his bag. "Let's go to class."

Carlos headed after him.

"They already have little secrets." James said when Kendall occupied Logan's seat next to James and the brunette put his arms around him.

"Yeah. We must leave them alone more, just a little more and they are going to keep huge secrets." Kendall laughed.

"Do you think Carlos will admit that he likes him?" James asked kissing Kendall's lips softly.

Kendall shrugged and returned the kiss, then said, "I don't think so. He is too much of a chicken now."

"Logan is even bigger."

"Should I tell Logan that I know about Carlos' crush?" the brunette wanted to know as he was playing with Kendall's blonde locks.

"I have no idea. I don't know what's going on between them right now."

"Let's leave it on them then." James said and stood up pulling Kendall with him. "Gotta go to class, come on."

"Ahh.." Kendall groaned dragging himself toward the classroom. "I'd rather kiss you all day long."

James grinning looked down at Kendall as they were going up the stairs, "oh yeah, I do believe that." And they continued their way holding hands and both hoping that their friends are going to find each other as they had.

"Will we ever continue that talk before everyone showed up?" Carlos asked Logan as they aimed the classroom together.

Logan smiled. That was just the thing he wanted. "Yes, of course, if you want to."

"I want to… it's just.. you were so speechless after I told you that you know him… were you thinking about someone?" Carlos asked putting away all of his fears for now.

"Yeah.. I was.. but before we continue it.. that talk.. I need to talk to someone else.."

"Why?"

"Just to get done with something."

"Does it have anything to do with my thing?"

Logan nodded, "yes, it certainly does. But even if it happens that it does not, I want to take care of this one thing."

"Uh, okay…" Carlos said opening the door and letting Logan to step inside first.

_I don't understand… fuck it.. why can I not understand any of my friends?_

Carlos took his seat and was thinking like that.

Logan sat behind him and already was planning his following actions. _James… no.. I should not ask for James' help. I must do this alone. If it is not the way I think it is then he is going to laugh at me, along with Kendall and then with Carlos, too._

Kendall and James got into the class, too and took their seats next to their best friends. Kendall and Carlos immediately started talking about hockey, and also Carlos was curious if Kendall was feeling all right. They totally forgot about his accident the previous day, he didn't know if Kendall was not feeling pain anymore or was pretending. Kendall quietly recounted Carlos that he was not all right at all but James' closeness and kisses made it all better. Carlos only giggled on that comment.

James couldn't keep back his curiosity though and started to question Logan about Carlos. "So Logan, how things are going with Carlos?"

"What things?" Logan pretended like he didn't know.

James scooted closer, "come on, you know. I saw you guys holding hands. Did something happen?"

"Why would have anything happened? We are just now starting to be friends. I don't know if I will ever be brave enough to tell him that I want to be more than friends, no if he doesn't admit it first."

"Oh, do you think he likes you, too?" James raised eyebrows.

"I don't know, James. I need to clarify things before making a move though."

"Oh wait. Who are you? Where is my Logan? How's that that you want to make a move already?"

"Why wait? You and Kendall have wasted much time just because you both were idiots to acknowledge what's going on. I won't be like that. I want to get over this thing the sooner the better."

"Oh wow. That's a huge change." James was seriously surprised. "All because of Kendall and me? It has caught you off guard so bad?"

"Yup!" Logan nodded.

James made a face. "Oh… well, great that I'm a little reason of your developing, Loges. Seriously everything's better with Kendall. Everything. And it's better for everyone if we are together."

"Oh.. man.. where do you get all this cheesy crap?"

"And since when you are such a bastard? The scene at the lockers the other day and now you are all against the cheesy crap?"

"Hormones, told you!" Logan giggled.

"Ah yeah. You and your smartass brains and hormones, never a good pairing. I must be careful in the future."

"You bet you must." Logan said but his voice lowered in a long sigh as his eyes stopped on the laughing Carlos in front of him.

"Need any help?" James asked again going closes to Logan's ear and whispering just barely hearable.

"Oh.. I just don't know .. uh how to handle the Camille thing.. but I will figure it out during this class. I want this all to be over still today."

"I can help with Camille." James offered.

Logan tilted his head from right to left and said, "no, please, James. I want to do it alone. I can do it."

"As you wish my friend." James said and in that moment their teacher came in and started the class. But before James would have turned his attention at him he pulled out his phone and sent a quick text message.

"What are you doing?" Logan wanted to know.

James hit the send button and put his phone back into his pocket, "nothing, Loges, nothing. Focus on the class." He said and though Logan didn't understand James, he just shrugged and listened to their teacher.

_Problem solved. _James thought and sighed in relief.


	10. Chapter 10 Time is passing

**A/N: hello.. here's a new chap my darlings :) thank you all for the reviews, follows, favorites and being worried that I won't continue this fic.. but I will continue so don't be worry.. I have other fictions and a life, too.. lol**

**probably no update this year though.. sorry.. :/ I will be trying, ok? I'll see if I feel it or not.. nah. okay, good bye, have fun reading, leave me reviews :)**

* * *

**Chapter 10**

"Are you sure you don't need help?" James asked Logan when their last class ended and Logan was about to make it to Camille.

Logan nodded, "yes, James, thank you though." He said and with that headed toward the brunette girl who was chatting with her friends at the entrance of the school.

"Where is he going?" Kendall stepped up to James and put his arms around him in that second. They loved being in touch all the time they just could.

"He decided to make a move." James answered.

"On Camille?" Kendall wondered raising his voice and widening his eyes, then quickly turned toward the upcoming Carlos and already felt sorry.

"Nope!" James calmed him. "On Carlos. But first he has got to take care of this thing with Camille."

"Oh, good, great!" The blonde kissed James in his joy.

Carlos approached them slowly with a kind of sad expression.

"Hey! What did he want?" James asked the short Latino once he was free from Kendall's lips.

Carlos sighed, "just the usual. I really need someone to tutor me." As he was saying that his eyes were looking for Logan who had promised him he'd do it sometime soon but since then they didn't get to talk about it. He spotted Logan offering Camille an arm to hook in to and moving away with her from her friends. "What are they doing?" He asked. He knew that Logan said he wanted to take care of something before they'd talk again, but Carlos wondered what it had to do with Camille. _He is dating her, of course. He doesn't know that it's him for me… he obviously is thinking about someone else._

"Earth to Carlos!" Kendall joked waving in front of Carlos' chocolate eyes. Carlos shaking his head turned back to his friends and Kendall started again, "I said he will be here in a few, he just needs to fix a something with her. Don't worry." He winked at Carlos.

Carlos not understanding the situation grinned in disappointment and bending his head he headed to the opposite direction from everyone. He needed some time alone. He wanted to prepare himself for the talk with Logan. He needed to clarify in himself if he indeed wanted to tell him about his feelings, even now when he was getting on well so easily with Camille, even now when his chances had started to fade. Or he just should push them back and forget it for ever?

"I gotta go after him." Kendall said halfway pulling out of James' arms but the brunette didn't let him go.

"Just leave him. They will fix it." And he pressed a kiss to Kendall's cheek to comfort his boyfriend.

* * *

"You're very nice to understand." Logan said to Camille as they were getting up from a bench after they finished their short talk.

Camille smiled, "it's okay, Logan. I though you may be interested, and I don't judge you if you are not. I wish you guys the best and thanks for your trust, for telling it all honestly."

Logan's wide smile mirrored his huge relief. That made Camille giggle, then she quickly pulled the boy in for a hug.

They said goodbye-s soon and Logan headed toward James and Kendall. "Where's Carlos?" he asked.

"Oh, hi to you too, Logan." Kendall said ironically.

Logan only grinned while James answered, "he left a few minutes ago after seeing you and Camille. I guess you can find him in the restroom, he headed there."

"Thanks." Logan rushed down the hallway.

As he got into the restroom a few other guys stepped out so then he was alone with the sitting in the window Carlos. "What's it with you and windows?" he asked trying to joke.

Carlos looked up with a half smile on his beautiful face. "I don't know. It's just .. freeing to sit here, you know? I can see the world…or at least a part of it.. me on top and everyone else is under looking up at me.. I can clearly see everything.. it can give lights to the darkest places, too. I find it amazing." He laughed. "And it's just a window."

"And it's great." Logan said squeezing himself next to the shorter Latino.

"The window?" Carlos raised his eyebrows.

Logan smirked, "that, too, and you. And the way you see the world. In little things, looking at everything from a point of view that shows you only the bright side of everything."

"Are you trying to tell me that I am great?"

"Yup." Logan nodded. With that Carlos blushed. "Look. We have an unfinished talk."

"Yeah." Carlos only sighed.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know. I don't feel like wanting to talk again. I mean… things don't work the way I thought they would. I might have misunderstood something about this boy.. I thought I had a light chance but now.. I don't know.."

"Why do you think that? Did you talk to him?" Logan for a moment doubted that he was the boy that Carlos liked.

"No. But I saw him with his date."

"Do you know what they were talking about?"

"No."

"They were cancelling the date, for ever. Because he likes someone else much more than screwing it up with being shy anymore."

Carlos looked up at Logan wondering. Part of him understood what it was all about, but another part of him still couldn't put the pieces together. It was too impossible, too nice, too real to happen just with him.

And Logan knew it. Logan knew that Carlos won't believe that it was happening till he got some certain prove. So he leant forward and kissed Carlos. It was a swift kiss, but it told everything it had to. It was just a bare second till their lips were in contact but for that one second their souls became one, too. And with that Carlos understood it. And so did Logan. Because after they pulled away Carlos didn't punch him, didn't make faces at him, he stayed there licking his lips eyes wide and wondering and leaning in for another kiss.

And Logan let him touch his lips.

They were sitting there in the window, quietly kissing and forgetting where they were. If Logan could have the time to realize that he was at school, he wouldn't have kissed at a place where they could have got caught anytime. But as always with Carlos it didn't matter if he broke the rules. He would break all the rules to have Carlos kissing him many, many times still.

"So it was indeed me." Logan whispered, his thumb stuck on Carlos' face, other hand of his linked with Carlos'.

"And it was me for you. When in front of your house…"

Logan quietly nodded and kissed Carlos again, "always, only you."

"It's kind of crazy though." Carlos laughed.

"And frightening." Logan said. "I don't know how to love…"

"We'll learn it.. together maybe?"

"For sure." And as Logan said the words they ended in kisses again.

It wasn't till they heard the ring, that they broke apart again. Logan immediately jumped off the window but Carlos taking his hand gently pulled him back. "We don't have any more classes today."

They were walking out holding hands and they heard Kendall's voice from a couple of meters away. They both looked to the direction. Kendall was talking to James, they were both with their backs to Carlos and Logan.

Logan stopped Carlos who wanted to make it to them. They were listening.

"Asking Camille to date Logan was not fair! Whatever reasons you had it was not FAIR!"

"Kendall, I just wanted to help him. Back he didn't want to do anything with his feelings for Carlos and it was a way to make him see what he has to do."

"Still. You know it wasn't right." Kendall said and turned away but spotted Logan and Carlos so he stayed unmoved. Quietly he cursed, with that James turned 'round as well. "Shit, Logan, what did you hear?"

"Just enough, you bastard who I used to call best friend!" Logan ran away.

* * *

-A couple of days later-

"Don't you think you should forgive James?" Carlos asked turning in Logan's bed and sweeping off the books. "It's been over a week." They were studying for a math test the whole afternoon and Carlos got very tired, and also it was bugging him that his friends couldn't get on well anymore. He and Kendall were trying to make Logan understand that it all was useless to stay mad at James, because after all it turned out very well. Carlos and Logan were a couple, and though Kendall was kind of angry at James at first for doing what he did, he had forgiven him, and they were doing great as a couple, too.

"I've already forgiven him, Carlos. I just want him to a feel a little bad. I was really happy that Camille was asking me out for who I am and not because James asked her to do so. It's so fucked up."

"You were happy, I understand. But aren't you happy for me, now?" Carlos asked with saddening voice and bending his head.

"Oh, nope. I love being with you. It's all I've ever wanted, but you get what I'm saying, right?"

"Yes, I do." Carlos smiled. "But he's your best friend."

"I love everything that turned out because of this thing with the possible date with Camille and all.. I probably would have never had the nerves to tell you how I feel if there wasn't that push, that push telling me to not even try it with someone else when it is all about you. But mostly it was because of Kendall."

"Kendall?" Carlos raised his eyebrows at his boyfriend. "How do you mean that?"

"Kendall has changed James. He's totally different since he's discovered his feelings for that boy." Logan smiled. "In a good way. But it was only me seeing him that way, because he's been shutting himself off from the world. But when his things with Kendall settled into place and he realized that it was stupid to be scared of his feelings, to hide them, to deny them, then I knew it, too. I knew that I had to make a move. I had to cancel the thing with Camille, and tell you everything. And I also knew that however it'll be, it'll be only the way it's meant to be."

Carlos slid closer to Logan and leaning on his elbow he lifted his other arm to caress Logan's face. "Logie. Either way, you can thank James for everything as well. If he was not here, then we weren't either."

"I know." Logan said. "He's been my best and only friend before you and Kendall." He chuckled.

"Don't even think about feeling yourself miserable. I don't have many friends either. We have each other, hmm..?" Carlos kissed the tip of Logan's nose.

Logan smiled, "yeah. Thank you." He leant forward to place a kiss onto Carlos' cheek.

* * *

The following day, Monday morning Logan and Carlos walked in to the class where Kendall and James were already taking their seats. Logan stopped in the door for a moment, as he had done every day since he was not getting on well with James.

James every day would send a smile toward his best friend and Logan would turn and behave like he didn't notice. But today he even forced a half smile to his face, too. While getting rid of his jacket Carlos already was sitting at his place next to Kendall and was curiously blinking at Logan.

The boy made it to James. The same way as he did every day, he slid onto his chair. Kendall immediately shut up so he could clearly hear the quiet "hi" that Logan murmured.

"Hi." James replied.

"How… how was your weekend?" Logan asked looking straight into James' eyes.

James couldn't hide his smile. This sentence was far by the longest that Logan had said to him during the past week. "It was good. But not the usual great without my best friend."

"Hey?" Kendall raised an eyebrow and straightened in his seat. "What about your boyfriend? Am I not a good company?"

"Oh, I didn't say that." James laughed quickly hovering over the desk, not even caring about Carlos and Logan and anybody else and kissed Kendall on the lips. "Shut up, you jealous ass."

"Shh.. you wish you knew my ass better!" Kendall grinned as James was backing off to his chair.

"You guys are doing that stuff? Already?" Carlos wondered kinda grossing out because of that obvious allusion.

Both James and Kendall shook their heads. Logan was quiet the whole time. When the thought of sex brought an awkward silence falling onto them they didn't notice how quickly time was passing and the teacher's voice snapped all of them out of their trails of thoughts.

* * *

They were now standing outside after their classes lightly chatting about the upcoming afternoon when James once cut the actual conversation with a loud question to Logan. "We're fine then, right?"

Logan, after returning to life because of the shock of getting scared, just pulled James in for a tight hug. "Yes. Don't worry." Logan said squeezing his taller friend, "I'm sorry for freaking."

"So great that everything's fine!" Carlos cheered jumping into the two boys' neck, Kendall laughed at them but soon he joined the group hug as well.

"Now let's go to the rink." James said, all of them parted and laughed as the real good friends they were. The smile soon disappeared from Kendall's face though.

As they were walking toward the rink, James hand in hand with Kendall and Carlos and Logan the same way in front of them, James turned to Kendall kissing his forehead, "just a couple of weeks, baby."

"I know." Kendall faked a weak smile and was caressing his abdomen. Yeah, he couldn't deny it, he wasn't fully healed yet, so it was impossible for him to play. If he would have risked it, he might have gotten injured even worse and then his mom would have gotten knowledge about the entire thing, too. And he didn't want that. His mom had enough to think about, other than his son getting himself into trouble week by week.

"This is the third training where I won't be on the ice though. And it's getting uncomfortable. Seeing that you guys are doing great without me… " Kendall said bending his head.

James pulled him closer as they walked, "don't worry. You're coming back for the next match."

"What if captain won't … "

"He'll let you. We still need you. Just believe in yourself, and me, okay?" James asked kissing the top of the blonde's head.

Kendall smiled and caught James' lips for a quick kiss, "okay." He murmured and they kept walking after Logan and Carlos.

* * *

"There was a time when I didn't think I can enjoy my life without playing." Kendall said half happy half sad. He didn't really understand how he could feel such satisfaction by only having a boy in his life. But then he knew, it wasn't just a boy, it was James.

James caressed the back of his neck as Kendall was looking up at him. They were laying in bed for a long while now. Since they arrived home after the training, home meant James' house of course. They didn't go to Kendall's because his father often stalked his mom and they didn't want to get caught. But James' dad was friendly, cooked them, let them spend the whole day together if they wanted, and never asked what they were doing. His mom barely was at home. Kendall could experience what it was like for James.

"In that case if I'm the reason of your satisfaction, then I'm glad to hear that you enjoy your life."

"In other cases, just simply because I'm happy for getting an A from Math or something, you wouldn't be happy?" Kendall asked to tease his boyfriend.

James touched Kendall's nose with his lips, "of course I would be. I'm always happy for your happiness, darling. But it'd be great to know if it's me causing you "satisfaction", as you said."

"Do you think we should try it?" Kendall asked suddenly changing the topic.

"What?" James raised eyebrows at him.

Kendall looked at him with the "don't tell me you don't know" look, and then James shrugged, "I don't know. I feel too young for it. Do you not?"

"I absolutely do!" Kendall said certainly. "It just keeps coming up, today twice for example."

"Yeah. I know. But it's just joking. You don't have to take it seriously. "

"Okay. I just wanted to be sure. It's too soon, I think so, too." Kendall said deepening his head in James' chest, smelling his gorgeous scent and kissing him through the shirt. "I love kissing you though, so if it gets hard," he giggled looking back up at James, who was grinning as well, "then forgive me, please."

"Same goes to you. It's hard to control things like that."

They both loudly laughed and kissed a few times.

It wasn't till Kendall yelped in pain that there was a knock on the door.

"Shit. Are you okay?" James apologized realizing that he probably squeezed Kendall too tightly.

"Yes." Kendall whimpered. "Don't worry." And he rolled off his side to lay on his back while James called out for his dad. "You can come in, dad."

"You guys are okay? One minute there is loud laughter then Kendall crying in pain."

"I wasn't crying. Just a small whimper."

"Are you taking your medicines?" Dr. Diamond asked stepping up to the boy and kneeling next to the bed. James watched his dad as he lifted Kendall's shirt up and took a look at his injury.

There wasn't the bondage already, so he could touch his skin and sense if there was any disorders. "Yes, I am." Kendall answered while Dr. Diamond pressed his abdomen here and there carefully.

"Looks fine." He said and set back the shirt. "But be careful and don't fool around."

"I won't. And I will be careful." Kendall said like a good kid.

Dr. Diamond nodded. "Good." Kendall sat up and started pack his books and other belongings while Dr. Diamond was talking to James. "Son, your mom is out for the night, again. Want a guys' night?"

"On Monday?" James wondered.

"Why not? It can be a good guys' night anytime, can it not?" he asked both boys. Kendall only nodded. He didn't know what it was like to have a guys' night with his dad.

"Can Kendall stay, too?"

"Yes, sure!" James' dad cheered, "I gotta get to the store and get some snacks and drinks, no alcohol before you'd ask for it. Till then be good, both of you, okay?"

"Yes, okay, dad." James smiled at his father and so did Kendall before that left.

Kendall immediately was in James' arms again, now they were standing. "You're so lucky to have him." He quietly whispered against James' shoulder.

"I know, baby, I know. And you know what? Now that we're together, you can say that you have him, too. He likes you very much. Already takes care of you like you were his son."

"I don't even know why."

"You're worth it. You're worth to be loved, darling."

"Thank you, James." Kendall kissed him.

While they were waiting for James' dad, they continued kissing and cuddling on the bed in the dark. Kendall sent a message to his mom that he was going to be out again.

Dr. Diamond arrived back and found the house quiet and dark and wondered what was going on. Of course he knew well enough what was, but he didn't want to frighten the boys so as usual he just lightly knocked on their door.

They got out of bed and were up to open the door. "Are you guys coming? Sure there's some good match on the TV that we could watch."

"Yeah, cool!" the two boys smiled in unison and they all headed down to the living room.

Their night spent in much laughter and talk, Kendall couldn't help but like Christopher more minute by minute.

* * *

The next couple of months flew by quickly. They all were happy, soon Kendall could get back into hockey, they won all the school matches, studied hard and summer was there without any of them realizing how fast time was passing.

They never actually told James' dad that they were together, but he figured it out already in the very beginning so after a time James and Kendall didn't even feel uncomfortable and somehow without wanting but they stole kisses here and there and it never led to any kind of arguments or questions. They knew that James' dad was probably the most understanding and loving father on the planet, and after a short time it was natural for them to hold hands and to kiss when Christopher was there, too.

He supported the boys, never bombed them with awkward questions, but carefully aimed at things he wanted to happen the way he would have liked. Like when he was out for the whole night and Kendall was sleeping over, he usually said simply "be good guys, real good." And giggling because of his son's obvious amusement he walked out of the house and left them alone, because he trusted them.

And actually this trust was the thing that kept James and Kendall out of each others' pants. They were in love, but they also knew that they were still young, and they knew millions of ways to make each other happy, other than sex. They didn't want to play out the trust of the only person who helped and trusted them with everything he had.

As summer had come, summer was gone within a short time, too. And it was fall again. Their last year of high school, with many changes, many new things, however they didn't know it, not yet.


	11. Chapter 11 - Tragedy

**A/N: HI! As you noticed, I have changed the fiction title, the summary! The reason is very simple: the story is going to a totally different direction than I have originally planned. LOL okay I know. But didn't make any changes in what you've already read so don't freak you don't have to go back and read the whole thing again.. .it is just I have never really could write something like this.. when the boys were teenagers and all.. and this was a great opportunity for me now.. I wanted the boys to quickly grow up and they could go on with their lives but I couldn't let them grow up till this chapter lol so I thought it was time to make those changes in the summary at least.. the title.. well I didn't like it from the beginning either.. so yeah. something simple and fine makes good, right? **

**Anyways.. I am very sorry for everything that is going to happen here. a lot of bad things.. not only to James.. but to Kendall also and I feel terrible for doing this.. but that's it.**

**Go easy on me. Please leave review if you read! Thank you and love you!**

* * *

Chapter 11 - Tragedy

* * *

"I don't even know if I want to go there anymore." James hopped onto the couch crossing his arms and bending his head.

"James." His mom settled next to him caressing his arm. "I've been working very hard…" she heard her husband's chuckle so she corrected herself quickly, "your dad and me … we both have been working very hard to get you into that school. You can learn all the things you've wanted. What has changed? Why don't you want it anymore?"

James broke out of her hold and got onto his feet. He was giving dirty looks to his mother before saying, "so many things have changed. And you know nothing." With that he turned on his heels before a fight would have started, and headed up to his bedroom.

"What's changed, Christopher?"

"Our son is growing up and is getting to know new things. And is starting to see what's important in life. He can make choices. He can decide what he wants to do with his life." He answered coldly.

It was nearly the first anniversary of James and Kendall's relationship, but James' mom still had no idea about the whole thing.

"You spend your whole life out of this house, out of your son's life and you've no idea what's going on with him. It's like he doesn't even have a mother. Where are you all day? And what are you doing? He asks every night like he was eight year old, because he misses you so much. And all I can say is that you're working for us and even though I have had enough of it already, I keep trying, so he doesn't have to carry the weight of a broken family on his shoulders."

"I work my ass off and get this? You threatening me with divorcing?" she asked.

Christopher shrugged. "I don't know, Brooke. It's not right this way. You're totally out of our life. Really, where the hell are you all day?"

"In the office. Where the fuck I would be?"

"I don't know!" Dr. Diamond shouted and turned with his back to her. "Fucking some of your young assistants or how would I know?!"

She sighed. "So you think I'm a bad mom? When all I want to do is trying to give a good financial support to our son?" Brook said ignoring Christopher's sharp remark on her possibly cheating.

"It all doesn't mean a thing if he doesn't feel loved." Christopher turned around again. "Other kids who don't have all those things that he has got are happy because they have a loving family. And I bet James would be happy, too if he wouldn't have a chance to go to LA but had a mother who loves him."

"I love him, Chris."

"No, Brooke. You forgot how to love your child. You are living for your job. I don't care if you don't give a shit to me. But it's James, your son - the boy that you wanted to give the world to. But not for a price like this. He's crying on his boyfriend's shoulder almost every night when it hits him that he hasn't got a loving hug from you in ages. You're pushing him away in a way that is insane. And it's all because we failed making another baby. You then decided that you're a bad mother, and you're trying to make up for it. But because you weren't able to give birth to another baby it doesn't make you a bad mom. But THIS DOES! This isn't a way to prove that you're a good mom!"

Shock of the realization hit Brook. "Does James have a boyfriend?" she crashed to the arm chair unable to believe how much she'd missed. "How did I not notice?"

"As I said you're never at home. You never sit down to talk to him. You're just… like you weren't even here."

"Are they in love?" she looked up.

"Very much so." Christopher smiled. "I'm very proud of James. He's learnt so much in the last year."

"So you say I'm out most of the time. Like I weren't here, it seems like that for you two, right?"

"Yes." He said shortly.

"And he's in love. He's happy with him and with you. And you're on the top of your carrier."

"Yeah." Christopher had a feeling where it all was going.

"Then you two are going to be fine if I won't be here for real."

James, though he headed to his bedroom he stopped at the top of the stairs and listened to the entire conversation. He heard how his dad quietly said, "do what you think is the best." And then he went up to his bed and crawled under the blankets. He dialed Kendall's number on his phone and slowly cried him everything that had happened since they separated after classes.

Exactly a week later Brooke was fully moved out of the Diamond house. They said some kind of solid goodbyes but it wasn't too emotional for none of them.

"I can't believe this happened. She seemed to realize that she was walking on the wrong way and I guessed she'd try to make up for it."

"That's just how she is, dad." James sighed watching the half empty bedroom of his parents.

Christopher let a heavy a sigh escape his mouth, too. "Now I'll have a bunch of paperwork because of this. We haven't talked about the house or you. You're not eighteen yet."

"I'll stay with you. She knows that. She won't even try to fight for me. Why would she? When she just left like this."

"You're right, probably. But we never know. I won't start the procedure till you're eighteen, James. If she won't start it either, than it will be fine. We'll just say that we tried living separated." Dr. Diamond said closing the wardrobe.

James stepped up to his dad and hugged him strongly. "We'll be okay, won't we?"

"We sure will son."

Soon the bell rang breaking their moment.

"It must be Kendall." James said immediately putting a huge smile onto his face and rushing to let him in.

The sight of that made Christopher smile, too. James was happy with Kendall. Indeed happy. And Christopher knew he didn't need anything else than that to be satisfied with his life, too. Even if now it was broken into two pieces. _Not like it wasn't before _Brooke wasn't a part of their life in a long time, so he didn't feel any emptier than before. But yet it was now really broken. His marriage was over. And it felt different. But for James' good he knew he wasn't going to show it.

Walking downstairs Christopher found the two boys on the couch holding hands and talking quietly. He could clearly see that it was now Kendall who needed comfort for some reason. His face was cold and even scared a bit. Was it the effect of the bad mood in the Diamond house? Or something else? He didn't know.

"What happened guys?" He asked sitting opposite to them.

James with tearful eyes looked up. "It's Jennifer." He said with dying voice.

"What happened to her? Is she all right?"

"Now she is. For ever." Kendall cried and then collapsed onto James' shoulder.

"Get him something dad, please." James whispered caressing Kendall's back.

Christopher rose and soon he was back with two pills and a glass of water. "Son, Kendall, take these."

He did.

They all stayed quiet for the next ten minutes which was more than enough for Kendall to fall into a deep sleep. James somehow got off the couch and covered him with a blanket then motioned to his dad to go after him.

"Last night when she was going home from work she got hit by a car right in front of her workplace."

"Oh my God."

"Kendall said that from the information of the doctors she didn't make it to the hospital either."

"Shit." He wrapped his arms around his son and let him cry against his chest.

"Why is this all happening now with us? Why so sudden? What do we do wrong? His mom, dad, his mom. He doesn't have anyone else but his asshole father. After this he'll be forced to live with him. His mom. His mom."

"Shh.." Christopher kept him close enough trying to drown his own tears before they would fall.

"If I didn't have you and Katie, I would go after her." Kendall said under his breath as he and James were lying in bed the following day.

"Don't say such stupid things. You have many reasons to live for." James tried to comfort him and not think about a life without Kendall.

Kendall's voice was thin and quiet as he replied. "I'm not sure about that."

"You don't have to be. Just believe me. Okay?" James asked turning Kendall's face gently towards his own.

The blonde just slightly nodded his head then went back to rest on James' chest.

"I wonder that your dad hasn't looked after you yet."

When the accident happened Kendall's father was the physician in attendance so he quickly got informed about what happened to his ex wife. In fact he was the one who called Kendall. The memory of that call got written into Kendall's heart with pain, with aching tears rolling down on his cheeks as the young boy realized that it wasn't a stupid joke, that his mother was gone, and would never come back.

That night Donald came over to Kendall and Katie, told them that their mom didn't suffer at all, and that he was going to take care of his children even if they were going to challenge first. Katie didn't. She loved her father, she was way too young to understand what his father had done to their mom, but probably if she would have known, she would have forgiven, too. She was that kind of girl. The daddy's girl. Kendall was different. He looked at his father with true hate, feeling his mom's pain through every glance that he got from him.

But on the night of his mom's death he just sat in the living room staring at a picture of him, Katie and Jennifer. And cried.

Cried long into the night, into the following morning when he early got into his car and drove to his boyfriend.

After Kendall appeared and Dr. Diamond learned what happened, he made a call to the Knight house, knowing that Donald must have been worried at least a bit. After all then he was responsible for his son, only him.

Kendall knowing James' dad, just quietly noted, "I bet your father called him."

"You're probably right." He caressed his head. "We're going to get through this, Kendall. I know we are. Just have faith."

"It happened so sudden, James. With the same quickness I can lose all the other important things in my life. It only takes a blink of an eye. I'm afraid of tomorrow. I'm afraid of each fucking day for the rest of my life. I'll never know when something like this happens to us again."

"You never know that, darling." The brunette kissed the top of his boyfriend's head and closed his arms around him even tighter. "You never know it. This is why we are supposed to try and enjoy every minute of our lives, while we're here for each other. Do you see my point, Kendall?"

"I do, James." Kendall answered looking up at him and pecking his lips. "But it's terrible."

"I know."

James knew. However he didn't lose his mother the way Kendall did, it almost felt like that. She wasn't a part of his life in so long that he nearly considered her dead. It sounded cruel, James knew that, too. But it was only the truth. Despite all the pain he felt because of his mother, he murmured a quick prayer for Brook's well being, because he didn't want to lose her for real, he wanted to know that she was somewhere out in the world yet, and loved him in her own way.


	12. Chapter 12 Everything's crashing

**A/N: a short update.. hope you like it.. reviews or something would be great but whatever**

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Chapter 12 - Everything's crashing

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It wasn't till the following spring that James met his mother. She appeared on a Saturday afternoon, what could have James done? Send her away? Nope. As much as she had hurt him, he loved her and cared about her and was curious how she was doing. So was his father, Christopher, so they all ended up sitting in the living room.  
As usually, Kendall now, too was there. He felt his heart squeeze into a little ball as he wished he could sit like that with his own mother just one more time.  
"Mom, forgive us for a moment." James said and stood up. The reason of his mother's visit quickly rushed into his mind. He needed to send Kendall home, because he wasn't ready for that talk, not yet.  
He took Kendall's hand, "would you come with me to the kitchen?" Kendall nodded and stood up with James.  
"What is it?" Kendall asked once they were out.  
"I know how bad you wanted to meet her, for whatever reason that I don't understand, but this is not the right time." James started to explain.  
"Why? She's here now. You haven't seen her in months. It's likely that she won't come anytime soon again, will she?"  
"I know, but … look, I will explain everything later, okay?" James' soft hand caressed Kendall's cheek as he spoke. "Please, trust me."  
Kendall hesitated for a moment, and then sighed. "I don't know what you're up to, but it better be a good thing." He kissed James on the lips. "I'll just go home then. I need to study anyways. See you later."  
James smiled at him and they waved good bye.

When James re-entered the living room, his father and his mother were chatting softly. Not like husband and wife, rather like two strangers.  
"The weather is indeed fantastic, mother, but would you let us know why you're here?" James said coldly as he lowered to an armchair and stared at the woman with a stiff expression on his face.  
She sighed. It was most likely hard for her, too. After all she knew that she wasn't a good mother of her son, or a good wife of her husband. "I live in Los Angeles now. My company is very successful and I got to know quite a few very important people. People who could help you in your career, James."  
He knew it.  
"You don't think I'll move there with you, do you?"  
"I hoped you would."  
"Of course you did." James let out a tired laugh not helping Brooke to feel less miserable. "Well, mom. Let me crash your hopes like you did crash mine when you left this house. I-am-not-moving-anywhere-with-you." He took little breaks between each word to make sure his mother understood every one of them. "And this is the end of this story."  
His father eyes him, James knew it, but he didn't take off his eyes of Brooke. "I know it must be hard for you. I believe it, even if you think I do not. This is still not the right way to make up for the things you've done to me, to dad. What do you think it would be like? You're like a stranger to me for fuck's sake." His voice got stronger and more confident with every word.  
"I know James, but you have to understand me … " she cried. She tried so hard to look into her son's eyes but she wasn't able to. "Just give me a chance."  
"Mom, don't you understand that I don't need you? I learned how to live without you, and now you want to be with me when I already have my life. I still want to go after my dreams someday, but not this way. I can't just leave this place when everything that's important for me is here. Even if you weren't the person you are, I wouldn't go with you. I need to do this my own way. I'll do my own luck, without your help, so you won't have a chance to ever say that I owe you for what you have done. "  
"James." Christopher's heart softened as he witnessed Brooke's true pain showing on her face that was covered in tears.  
"NO. Dad, NO. There is no place of forgiving now, no. I'm not leaving Kendall when he needs me so much. He's so fucking alone in this world. He has got me and his sister only. I'm not leaving him alone, like she did us. NO! NEVER!"  
"James , don't yell at me!" his father understood him, but he was doing too big of a drama in front of Brooke.  
"Sorry." He quaked, but the apology wasn't addressed to his mom, but to Christopher.  
"Why don't we try to compromise?"  
"How, dad, how?"  
"I don't know. Brooke?"  
Brooke looked up at the two men. "I'd do anything you want, son."  
"Great. Go home now, then."  
"James, stop for the love of God. I didn't raise you like this. What the hell has come to you?"  
"She?!" He pointed at Brooke. "Dad. You don't need to pretend like you care about whatever she is having in mind. What do you think where it is going? Me leaving, and you being left behind."  
"I'm a big boy and I'll deal with it. But you know she's able to take care of you. She is someone I'd let you start your life in a new city with. I wouldn't let you go alone."  
"You can't keep me from going once I'm eighteen."  
"I know. But I wouldn't be calm if I didn't know you are safe."  
"Dad, till now everything was fine." James started to lose his remaining hope. He knew Christopher was going to talk him into going with Brooke.  
"We all can move to LA."  
"Dad, you're not serious. It's not that easy."  
"It is, James. What do you think I was planning to do?"  
"I don't know? Let me live my fucking life?!" With that James stormed out of the house. He couldn't believe how his father turned against him now that Brooke was here again.

"Those hormones .. you know." Christopher tried to joke. He sat next to Brooke and placed his palm flat on her back. "You need to understand him, Brooke. He is seriously dealing with a lot. He loves you, it's just how teenagers act."  
"Yeah. I, of course don't know about it because I haven't been around the whole time. Look at him, Chris. He is a grown man. I really understand him and I don't even know why I thought I could convince him about moving in with me."  
"You love him. That's why."  
"I don't want it anymore. I don't want you to be alone the way I have been. He is right." She almost got up from the couch but Christopher held her on her place.  
"But I won't be alone if I go, too. We'll figure something out. Okay?" He closed her into his arms and he truly wished they could draw an end to this story for the good of James.


End file.
